Helen

Helen Apr 2016

I don’t do yoga, never tried Pilates
Not many people want me at their parties
Tryna find my place, some place, oh I, oh I, oh I
And I drink a little more than recommended
This world ain’t exactly what my heart expected
Tryna find my way someway, oh I, oh I, oh I

[Chorus:]
See, whoa, c’est la vie
Maybe something’s wrong with me
But, whoa, at least I am free, oh, oh, I am free
Yeah, whoa, c’est la vie
Maybe something’s wrong with me
But, hey, at least I am free, oh, oh, I am free

If you ask the church then I am no believer
Spend Sundays asleep I'm just another dreamer
Still tryna find my home sweet home, oh I, oh I, oh I
And I guess I ain’t too good for money neither
I got two left feet, no, I'm no Jackson either
Just tryna find my way someway, oh I, oh I, oh I

[Chorus:]
See, whoa, c’est la vie
Maybe something’s wrong with me
But, whoa, at least I am free, oh, oh, I am free
Yeah, whoa, c’est la vie
And maybe something’s wrong with me
But, whoa, at least I am free, oh, oh, I am free

Just tryna find my home sweet home, sweet home, sweet home, sweet home,
I drink a little more than recommended
'Cause this ain’t exactly what my heart expected

[Chorus:]
Whoa, c’est la vie
Maybe something’s wrong with me
But whoa, at least I am free, oh, oh, I am free
Yeah, whoa, c’est la vie
Maybe something’s wrong with me
But, whoa, at least I am free, oh, oh, I am free.

Whoa, c’est la vie
Maybe something’s wrong with me
Whoa, at least I am free, oh, oh, I am free
Whoa, c’est la vie
Maybe something’s wrong with me
Whoa, at least I am free, oh, oh, I am free.

I don't know why this song speaks to me but... It so does...
http://youtu.be/KDPW_g2AhAU

Helen Mar 2016

A Ship Sailed (a co write with John Patrick Robbins aka Gonzo)

We set a paper ship
upon the waters
in hope it will never know a storm
we have bared of our past
In hopes that maybe to gather
they could fair better than us
as clear skies graced our thought
now storm clouds loom heavy.
It's never as we planned
but never our fault.

Those paper ships slip
from between our fingertips
before we are ready to set sail
We watch them bob
upon traitorous waters
standing upon stormy land
and know only,
when they are lost at sea
that our casting off
has failed

Under moonlit nobility gets beyond our controls and storms
we seldom grasp, the ships sink faster than the images we have lives since painted within our thoughts.
It all comes full circle in the end

Full circle begins
when weeping upon a midnight beach
waiting for the debris to float in
To sit upon the sand
and not understand
how paper boats can't float
without sails
We set them out upon stormy seas
Hoping them fine and fair weather
only to see them smashed upon the shore
with no guidance from above
just a single feather
Buried deeply in their chest
a single hope
they could fly
now they lay broken
upon a distant shore
dying under a whisper
of... *I tried

The opening lines are by John Patrick Robbins aka Gonzo. The most amazing supportive friend I will ever have! They were the perfect lines for me to open myself up as a parent to the fact that we can fail as a parent to not only to losing our children to death but also to losing our children to a living death. His name IS Darcy :)

#children #parent #opposite #gonzo

Helen Mar 2016

A Place to Call Home

she wallows in confusion
when she can't express her pain
and every day she can't talk
literally drives her insane
she holds onto her panic
hiding inside her insanity
but every now and then
she decides to break free
She spreads her wings
and calls one number
She know her wings will be tucked
beneath a heart that does not slumber
Where she can rest her head
upon a regular heartbeat
and rest her heart
where it's safe to weep
A nest of Hope
A nest of Peace
A comfortable place
for tired wings to Sleep

thank you for being my sanctuary

#love #friend #comfort #brother

Helen Mar 2016

I'm already dead

I've tried to talk about it
until I'm blue in the face
but I'm already dead
the conversation left
...no trace
I called at 4am
Left a voice message
followed up with a text,
I guess you didn't get it
My drama is a burden
My tears are hard to take
My words are hard to process
maybe, my friendship
was a mistake
I hesitate to contact you
what if I'm interrupting?
I know that others have a life
at least they have something
I hit dial on my phone
then hope the one who answers
understands my sobbing voice
and doesn't silently judges..
I know I'm already dead
I just seem to keep on
breathing
as long as I have a voice
on the other end of the line
I'll keep on
believing
this life is worth living
and the tears I cry are
real
because appearances can be
deceiving
*I look better than I feel

#anxiety #depression #talk

Helen Mar 2016

already written

someone layed a blank book
in front of me, asking
What would the title be?

I looked as blank as those pages
I don't know the answer
I'm not a blank book
I have history, behind a story
but what are the chances
my story has already been told
in another's voice
What if there is another out there
that has made the same choice?
Stories are not unique
there is a chance we are already written
I'd take that blank book
and scribbled my name only
because I've read the stories
of my own life in the sound bites
of snatches of beleaguered songs
I'm not a blank book, looking
for a title
I'm where my blank pages
belong

Helen Mar 2016

milestones

today I saw one of my original poems
so pleased I was it hit the 19.0K mark

I'm not a writer nor a literary genius
but this one was written from the heart

It holds all my fears, all my failures,
all my dreams and encapsulates
everything, in a few short verses
all that my life, that's not mine, entails

So thank you for the reads
and the love and the hope
that someone out there
is strengthened
by something I wrote

http://hellopoetry.com/poem/156490/i-am-your-tomorrow/

Thank you all, I can't describe how much this poem means to me and how much I hope it means to those who have read it.

#love #sorrow #tomorrow #today

Helen Mar 2016

paralytic

I'd like to be able to say
I don't know what tomorrow
will bring...
but I'm scared
Because I know exactly
what tomorrow has in store
and it's everything
that has come
in the days before
and nothing will change
nothing
and that's what scares me
the most
*the never changing everything

sigh... so far down the hole I don't have enough rope for rescue, just enough to hang...

#depression #anxiety #ptsd #care #lovingabrokenperson