We found out that we were pregnant with you on June 5, 2018 and that is when everything changed. Your daddy and I were so excited because we had been trying for over a year to start a family and we finally got our dream. We got you. We started thinking about names and how we would design your room. If you were a boy we were going to name you Parker Dylan we could not come up with a boy name just yet. I even bought you your first outfit because it was Spider-man and I am obsessed. We thought that everything was going okay and that you were healthy and doing just fine. Then on our eleven week check-up we were supposed to find out what you were if you were a boy or girl. The only thing we got to find out that day is that we lost you. You were no longer living inside me you had stopped growing at the eight to nine week mark and they were not sure why. Of course every mother who has or will ever go through this thinks that they did something wrong. They think what could I have done differently there must have been something wrong with me and that it is all my fault. But it is not your fault. I am slowly learning that. It has been one week and four days since I lost you. The worst part was there was no saving you and I did not get to hear your heartbeat for the last time. I am still recovering from the emotional pain this has brought me and I am still recovering from the physical pain this has brought me. The physical pain is brought on by the fact that I had to go through a procedure called a D&C which is the worst thing ever. Your daddy and I never thought that we would have to go through this we thought that we would just be able to bring you into this world without any complications but we were wrong. I am so sorry Baby C. We love you so much.

Does anyone really know what the true meaning of happiness is?
Because I don't.
Sometimes I feel like I'm happy, but then that gets taken from me.
Almost like you get caught up in the moment and you can't see straight.
What does happiness mean?
Happiness is the state of being happy.
Gives you pleasure, makes you content, you are satisfied.
But why doesn't that happiness stay with you?
Why are you afraid to remain happy?
Is it because you know that someone will go wrong so you're scared?
Or is it because no matter what you do, you feel like you're not good enough?
Which is it?
Explore your happiness.
Get lost in the moment.
Don't take anything for granted.
Make memories.
Laugh until you cry.
Love with every inch of your body.
Be passionate about what makes you happy.
Don't give up on your dreams.
Be reckless.
Be free.
Just find your happiness.
No matter what.
Be happy.
Live your life to the fullest.
With no regrets or take backs.
Just be happy.

Love is different for everyone**
there is no definition that fits every situation
love can be a feeling, an action, or just a word

I should have told you
what love meant to me
before I started giving it to you
before I whispered
those words in your ear

I should have asked you
what love meant to you
before I assumed your words
meant the same as mine
and that they weren't just words