Crinkle smash and just at last
The girl who wept, met her match
and just in time she finished up
She crossed the line, in time to touch.
She closed her eyes, and pulled him
She said to him, I always win.
She layed her face right on his
and in that moment they did kiss.
And in that moment she found bliss
and that single moment was one never to miss.
And in that moment it replays
a thousand times every day.
She looks back to that first win
and she thinks i would always
kiss him again.

Poppy sways on the edge of the garden
like some exquisite ***** dancing for her own pleasure
rather than crumbs.
She's full fed of her toxins, intoxicated
She drears  left then right, bows a bit....
The curves are stem so peculiar.
How she slipped perfect hooks and turns
into that no wood, indiscriminate thing
bending, looking so supple.
but it would snap in fragility.

Oh poppy, I sigh, chin resting on my palm....
thinking of the warm feeling of harvest.

Flowers grow for fun and they grow for life
they grow in frozen ground, they survive in strife
Flowers smell so sweet you know
Like honey tastes on the tongue

Flowers remind of those that i used to know
Way back when I was young.

You'd like to own the horizon
For its dripping cracks
and its flowing clouds
but your own worth never met half way
with all those people you suspended in your wake.
How crude the time that's passing4
how painful the lessening air
You'd like to own the horizon
in pretending that you care

Do we even know ourselves? Enough to say we do...
Do we even know ourselves, and do ourselves know each others too?
Or is all of this just faces bumbing up against more faces
Moving and breathing at faster and slower paces?
We will never know.

You string me like a fish
on the edge of a lake
wanting to swim
but it hurts to take

I see the water and the sun
beaming down
I feel like I am the only one
tied to the ground

Who are you hear, reeling us in
who are you hear, giving our end.

I feel like a fish
strung on the bank
and before i get released
it will be far to late

Marked for blasphemy I suppose
He came to me in a Rain drop Robe
and a Crown of Clouds above his mind

A figure of reflection no other could find.


His cascading streams fell into a body,
which i felt i knew so well,
But when i spoke of his philosophy
My elders warned me of the burning hell

But I could not hate my Soul,

This friend, some astral light,

and when he told me not to fear their god

I knew that he was right


Marked for blasphemy I suppose

God came to me in a rain drop robe

and said You Girl, I know your name,

I speak it in the thunder and i speak it in the rain

I glance back, through time and space.
Pause at myself to see a younger face.
My oh my the ways I've changed.
Lifes all different now. Rearranged.
I wake up, looking at my ceiling, not quite exactly like the one before.
I try hard to remember the feeling, when my apartment had no door.
The windows mostly busted out, space heater on the floor.
A junkies life no doubt. Mother was a **** *****.
I find myself wandering back to the bathroom that first time.
My step a father said the needle would help. So i thought, okay fine.
I was a kid, ****** up by circumstances.
all around me grew deadly cancers.
Moms friends, Dads friends, my friends now too.
I had nobody else, what would you do.
16 years old living life like I shouldn't.
If i had a second chance i don't know that i wouldn't.

Swallow hard just convey your cowardice

I'm quick to let him enter.....

Down here where the concretes cool

My arms around you

then your gone........

It snowed sand the other night

i was shocked and awed  

but then i looked up and it got it my eye


Scratched my retina

snow blind

Your brightness wasn't beauty after

your brightness was beauty in the end

i should have seen your glory was a *******

hole in the back of your head

your brightness wasn't  beauty

it was arrogance.

Hey, Have you forgotten about our loss already, am i the only one suffering any more. You dont show your greif if there is any.. and i dont know how to stop feeling...

We used to be so light hearted, things were easy it seemed.
Like our presence in eachother was all that we need.
But now we know that theres something weighing both of us down and I have read alot of articles but nothing profound.

Or maybe its just me, maybe I am the only one. And I feel so uncomfortable I think that you are too. but i can't seem to accept that notion, or find anything else to do... but just cry sometimes..

and i cry sometimes, God knows me well he knows my voice, and he can tell I am sorry... God knows my voice and he can tell I am greif strickin, why did we have to lose that chance. Our own unique....... well you know.

a little ..... something to real to say...

and now an everlasting "someday"

Its everlasting for me, oh orange rings sing so beautifully like it was made in me.... and it was....

You know it was.... how real was that, as real as me, or not quite.... right... not to me.

Hey, Have you forgotten about our loss already, am i the only one suffering any more. You dont show your greif if there is any.. and i dont know how to stop feeling...

We used to be so light hearted, things were easy it seemed.
Like our presence in eachother was all that we need.
But now we know that theres something weighing both of us down and I have read alot of articles but nothing profound.

Or maybe its just me, maybe I am the only one. And I feel so uncomfortable I think that you are too. but i can't seem to accept that notion, or find anything else to do... but just cry sometimes..

and i cry sometimes, God knows me well he knows my voice, and he can tell I am sorry... God knows my voice and he can tell I am greif strickin, why did we have to lose that chance. Our own unique....... well you know.

a little ..... something to real to say...

and now an everlasting "someday"

Its everlasting for me, oh orange rings sing so beautifully like it was made in me.... and it was....

You know it was.... how real was that, as real as me, or not quite.... right... not to me.

I went to visit him...
All dry skin and breathing machine
All medicated up, and the nurses were mean.
All  cancer ridden but the floors were clean.

All love in his heart but his mind was gone
how did this end up so terribly wrong?

He passed on that next morning.

I got a call from my father mourning.

He said please, i beg you, as I'm on the run
I can't make the funeral so you'll be the one.
I am truly your grandfathers only son
and you are my heart
please go for me.

I was never very strong
I was always very weak.
and even though i had a future
it was always very bleak

So i ate a klonopin
before the funeral home
and i hoped i could keep the pain in
every one was there but i felt alone.

and then my ***** mother walked in

and I felt she might attack

So ran out the back
and i ran down the street
My dress flying up, my sneakers quite clashing
My brains boiling my head was bashing.


I stood by the road until the persession ran
By time the cars drove past me i couldn't stand

I climbed in a car
and road to the grave yard.

Time is warped and i dont remember the burrial
I remember the rose... I remember it was april
and i threw it out, of the window.
and it flew like i wished for his soul to fly

I never saw it land............

Sandy eyes, I'm waiting for the tears you cry
waiting for some time, just to lie
at your beckon call and side

Blood shot eyes are standing in time
and 'm holding to mine
and holding to yours

Speak to me in shades of green
speak to me in symmetry
I would like to unfold in seven hundred perfect rolls
and you can all and unwind into every space of mine.

Shredding strings from molecular rings
and I'm peeling rinds from my  roots and my lines
well you should have known that this is where we belong
please dont make a wish for it all to fall away
please dont make a wish unless for it to stay

In time  will be my grave
the time is what we brave
and im hoping for a hundred more
lives above me but what for
and what is it im looking for
What it is im living for
what is meaning cant implore
or understand

i guess you and i both have hands
and we should hold them.

My lord such a staking pain
you left me hear, but call my name
I'm glad to tell you you've won
but the feelings just now fun
cause its rushing now away
to a further worser place
and im just another case
of petty self pitty in a pool of drool

i can't seem to accept that notion,
or find anything else to do...
but just cry sometimes..

and i cry sometimes,
God knows me well
he knows my voice
, and he can tell I am sorry...
God knows my voice and he can tell
I am greif strickin,
why did we have to lose that chance.

Our own unique....... well you know.

a little ..... something to real to say...

and now an everlasting "someday"

Its everlasting for me, oh orange rings sing so beautifully
like it was made in me....
and it was....

You know it was....
how real was that,
as real as me,
or not quite....
right... not to me.

I'm not hiding or viewing the shadows
I just want the brights to gleam
When the geometry shines through
And I can feel clean.
I just want to touch outer space
Know I'm alive
This dream were all living
Feels like we already died.

**** what they said
I never understood it anyway
I was higher standing if anything
Or less than that I was fading away.

My spinal cord drifts
Curving down my back
Its old and feeling stiff
It groans and cracks.

How many years
one thousand pass
All these tears
just to feed the grass

I spin circles in the dirt
I have never seen a bloom
And deep inside it hurts
To live within this tomb

Classic red printed wine glasses.
Napkins too.
Red printed collar
Note to you.

In this hotel room.
I thought I might find you.

Distasteful to say the least
To abuse the already meek.
To pretend that you are weak

When your clearly very strong Man.

To lie to me like this, ohh
I would rather catch your fist
Flying toward my face
Thank to feel this betrayal & disgrace.

You've lead me on to long man
Its really very wrong man
I worship the ground you walk on
But now I know, I've locked on.

To every thing you do wrong.
And I am beginning to create quite the list.

But still I would have much rather eaten your fist
then be put through this.

She is old and kind of ugly now
But i see her pictures she was cute
My grandmother.

She yells obscenities at us kids,
at the younger ones at least
All in good heart
not in ethics though.

She seems to know something
None of us do
Yet she seems to me
Clueless too.

Rigid and mean, it must have been a hard life
Never calm and serene, she must have known strife.

She is a gypsy of sorts
Rings on her fingers
Blonde hair never brushed
She drove that semi so long
Its permanently wind swept...

She burns wood in the garage to keep her
8 dogs warm...
and the rest of the animals, are inside.
Birds, and cats and fish and a raccoon

Who I swear she loves more than any of us kids.

But they have been there you see...

We never were. She's to hard
But I try my best...
To stack her wood.... To clean her house when I go over.
I even give her bags of **** for free...
Just so she can feel appreciated.

She is a woman after all... all she knows is give
she is terrified of take
so you have to let her.

Inside are things forgetting, forgotten.
and then those forgoing, gone rotten.

Inside my mind I see scenes of nostalgia
and I am moved by the tripping of the reel.

Mother in the recliner, television running.
It smelled like cigarettes, and I am 9 and nicotine.

Mother is intoxication and the angry mean.
Mother is the reasoning.
Mother says life needs seasoning.

Something to make it worth while.
and I am 9, but i can tell her vice is vile.
She and him and those and them and they all smile.

Smile.
Smile.
laugh,
Inhale smoke.

Rough men are real.
Boys are jokes.
**** the love, it is a hoax

I am nine and breathing nicotine

Mother is intoxication and a greyer sheen.

Hot and Dripping like wax
Once lubricated toward gravity
In a slow creep down
I'll harden against you.

Scrape me off like yesterday's leftovers
Down the drain is where I seem to find
Home.

I'm past the point of resurrection

I am sick of pointing fingers at demons
When we all know we have our own reasons.
we use those reasons to make decisions
And when we make a mistake and there is no one to blame,
Our pride is at stake and we hold on to the shame.

I hold on to shame, for every single thing that has happened.
Fear of being found ***** being found in the gutter,
will you ever realize where i come from.
My roots lay deep in the cracks
of a place far darker than you have ever waded.  
And my limbs and leaves will grow and stay green
Long after all of yours have faded,
and then you will leech the life from me,
and i will find myself jaded.
Hopefully then you will see,
Why give and take are mandated.

engrossed in the thought of history i move my thoughts to yestermorrow in some crazy town under some crazy sky and I want you.  I want you hear and now like I want yesteryear... like tomorrow in the future, Cause i want to move from this distant place which is always located exactly arms length from your beautiful island of a body. Is it you or me letting emotional tide create more space between our land masses. God my ether longs to be mixed with in yours and is it just me who has felt so far away? really was it me all this time? I dont know... I dont care... But i want you. Your all i ever really think about when it comes to decision making and future planing. You are the considering factor in every single breathe i take. Litterally in bed at night, i aim my breath away from yours no matter how close we lay so that we can be comfortable. My conscious efforts are all for you and I mean it, Now want me too.

He wishes to speak but knows not what to say
He needs,
He wants to reach out but is trapped with in his own
He wants
He expresses desire but knows not how to retain
He needs
He wants to be healthy but keeps feeling insane

Oh how deeply he needs and how no one can give.

Some times I'm over whelmed
And I want to meld in with the mattress
You can lay your weight on me
I like the feeling it captures.
And I never feel so nervous
Like claustrophobic breath
But all at once so at peace
Resting under your chest.
And if you could just weigh me down
The panic I'm sure would leave
I could gain composer
Your weight is all I need.
And even if I struggle darling
Even If I panic
Lean on me till I'm silent
I'm sure that I can handle it.

Somethings been let lose on the cities with in my mind.
It's tyranny nations wide.
I've been worshipping
Kurt cobain
As jesus christ.
I don't know why, it just feels right.
God's been talking lately
More and more
Breaking down the similarities
Between the ****** and the *****
And I'm okay right now
I really am .

I'm was  jabbering fool and you know it
Sitting in my sest pool, or below it.

I talked and I talked and Talked
sometimes when I spoke I was shocked.

Nobody ever really liked me,
But I never really cared.

Now every one wants to be like me
But they will never ever compare.

See I made it out of the house that was on fire,
Hell I even made it out of the bed.
and  I am still being lead by desire,
But I control it now with my head.

I ran from the shallow hole we all dug
I ran from that nasty place.
I took the key out from under the rug
and I ran at the fastest pace.

I hope no one ever goes in
at least not with out me.
Because that was my own personal pin
That was my nasty place to be.

Come with me into fantasy
Those thoughts we think
But never speak
And how they move our innards
And unfurl our minds .

And how they pass so quickly
All we desire runs and hides.

Insecure to show my ventricles
And Would it be to close to home
To call you into my dream
And show to you more than Flesh and bone.

Desert like my dried up heart
I told you not to know me!
Your crying now with in yourself
As if some how below me.

I told you truth
you ate it up

You thought honesty meant more.

than the truth I was spewing
and the mess that was brewing
If you didnt hear the words.

And you didnt
you thought honesty
meant more to me
than the truth that was spewing.

You thought the thought was thought enough
You didnt know what you were doing.

Polished cardboard wet with angst.
Fringed across the air ways.
It's cuddled breathing
Clostrophobia.
I want to feel you in my nose and mouth
Like cat hair clinging to the moisture
And to my face.
Indescribable frustration as I attempt to wipe it away.
Futile.

Once I was stray matted hair and all.
Needles and no food I was a doll.
Sweeter than you knew, you had to have me.
I wanted you too, we were savvy.


You invited me in, left the door open
You told me you liked me, helped with coping.
You said no need for fear that you wouldn't  hurt me
You said You liked me near that you hoped i would see

That your a lover not a hater
and your a healer but not a savior.
Your quiet but not silent and
clearly very driven.
And its me to which your loves been given