When I was a kid
The world seemed so simple
I was always too caught up in imaginary worlds
I was always too concerned with my Legos
Than to see what world I was really living in.
See when I was a kid
Toys were my escape.
If I had a bad day at school
I went straight to play with my figures
When I was a kid, I didn’t worry about opinions
I didn’t worry about safety
I didn’t worry about my future.
Now, things are different
The world is changing.
The world is moving too fast
And I can’t find a good place to take a break.
I have changed so much from that little boy sneaking toys to school.
I have changed.
I have changed from having blind faith,
Only believing in something and someone because I was told to.
Now, I make decisions for myself.
Now, I am not scared to say no to something,
Because now I know that this is my life.
I am in control.
Sometimes I think about my life so far
What I have been through and what I haven’t
My mind often wonder to the man who calls himself my father.
And his anger towards me.
Because already, at the age of 15
I have done more things than has done.
He doesn’t like that I try my best
That I find new ways to make a living.
He wants me to fail to somehow prove himself right
He wants me to fight
Throw the first punch and wait for me to catch on to his rage
And to that I say, “Act your age”
Yes, you are 42 and acting like you are two.
When I was a kid and when my toys were my escape
He was the one to throw them in the trash.
He was the one to fan away my thought clouds,
Crush my imagination
And cut open my happiness with no emotion like tearing open a letter.
That’s why I have vowed to become better.
No longer am I angry with the abuse that I went through.
No more do I leech on to the thought of revenge.
And why?
Because hate soaks through people like a sponge.
It is just waiting to be squished out.
Instead of trying to ruin his life, I will instead work on rebuilding mine.
Because one day my pity that I conjured up for him
Will come back for someone that I will inevitably sadden.
I may have been raised by a monster
But that doesn’t mean that I cannot prosper.
I see his life with a special lens
I try to analyze his pain so I know how to fix my own
I take notes on his mistakes so I know how to prevent my own.
He has never been anything but an open textbook,
Full of lies,
But a beacon of hope to recognize those lies.
To become better.
To study a psychopath but never become one.
Yes, I am filled with anger,
But I have seen first handedly how anger screws someone.
I hold on because I know that there are a million kids who have had it worse than I.
The unfathomable courage that they have to wake up every morning.
I never asked for this kind of life,
But it makes one hell of a stepping stone for me.
It allows me to recognize not just his evil in the world,
But the evil that exists in this life that we are all living.
There was never just one issue.
Never just one timeless conflict that consumed happiness over the last 2000 years.
There was never just one root that poisoned the rest of the tree,
No instead it was people like us who were more than capable of change
But never chose to stand.
It was the people who watched
The bystanders that ******* it up for the rest of us.
But I’ll be the first to say that I am willing to stand if you will
So the question really is,
What don’t you like
Why don’t you like it
And what are you gonna do about it.
We don’t have to be a revolutionary,
Im not trying to give that impression.
What I am saying is that it is time for us to do something
Anything
Because if we don’t,
We will be forced to watch the world fall.