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I have slept in my bed 800 times
799 times I have slept in between sheets alone, without you
And yet that 735th night
Is what haunts me on night 801
Without you.
I need to get a new bed
And new sheets
And new skin
That you have not touched me in.
she was leaving
and got the gumption
to see me before she did
so we went to dinner
she sat, crumpled
at the edge of the booth
playing with her silverware
hands sweating
our knees barely touching
underneath the table
they shook like the day we met
they shook like floodgates
when the clouds get upset
her hair was drawn back
into an apology
and she didn't answer
when the waiter asked for drinks
she pans, tilts
looking for the restroom
but doesn't get up
covers her mouth
to hide her furled chin
i cut her a piece of bread
not sparingly
i didn't want to ruin the symbolism
of cutting a gangrenous thing
from ones self
she half wept out "tell me a joke"
i thought to say "look at us."
that's it. that's the joke.
the premise & the punch line
sharing some silence
here in this ominous moment
so thick with goodbye
you could touch it
i said "when they asked what the name was for the wait, i should've said "awkward, party of 2"
but that's not the joke
"knock knock"
she whispered "who's there?"
i sat for a moment and said
"so we've come full circle.. we're even in the same seats, from all those months ago"
her lips quivered
and she hid her mouth
"i just wanted to hear a joke"
she said
i came back with
*"if i fell for you in a quiet restaurant & no one was around to hear it, does the laughter of children i drempt we'd have make a sound?"
I am so obsessed with you,
I wanna smoke you right
down to the filter,
'til there's nothing left.
I saw my heart break
I watched it shatter
It sat in pieces on the floor
And you asked me "what's the matter?"
As you walked towards me
I cried out in pain
You stood on the shards
And I felt your weight on my veins
You stared at me with a look of confusion
As if you couldn't see the broken mess
And you walked away
But that didn't make it hurt any less
So I sat on ****** knees
Trying to mend what was broken
After you crushed my heart
And left without a word spoken
She had a tattoo of a compass
Wrapped around here ribs
So I asked where she was headed
And here's what she said

*Here's a thought
To help direct your mind
Like everyone else
I'm headed toward my demise
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