I swore I’d never fall
in love. If I did, I lied
it's just a crush, careless,
I don't go crazy of it at all.  

I swore it would never stick
But my heart now ticks
with thoughts of you, and I've been sick
with you ever since.

A limerence is fleeting, they say.  
But loud as a debt unpaid.

If ten years isn’t long,  
then what’s this fever?  
Why in my ribs
your voice lingers?

YOU—  
closer than my own pulse.  
Without you,  
I forget how to beat.  

If I’ve been sharper since you came,  
if I wake alert, cautious,
if you’ve carved me into something better—  

then fine. Let it lie.  
Let it sneak in,  
let it crush me alive.
I’ll keep pretending
I don’t know its name.

Oh, to be alone, to be complete,
to touch the hush among the stars—
not lost, not found, not obsolete,
just held within that flashing spark.

And so, the feeling carved its name
in breaths, in bones, in sleepless nights—
an untamed hunger, destined to remain,
a calling softly hums and hard to fight.

What storms quietly in that beautiful head?
Something flares through the eyes, too proud to beg.

Something exudes, fierce and elegant,
it glows, it reigns—magnificent.

Confidence that floods, leaves no trace,
then shatters my soul in its silent embrace.

Bear in mind the distance between us
cruel and vast it aches, destroys the trust

Must every hope just crumble into dust?
From the start we were deemed unjust,

ink like injuries, hearts crushed,
our names written deep in plot rust.

"This is what I get for listening too much."
You're impossible to please—
a fortress with no key.

Tell me, how does it feel to be besieged?
You don't just resist love, you resent it.
Always.

Strong on the outside,
a mask everyone admires…

But have you ever leaned in, just once,
to breathe the warmth you crave?
The kind of ease you cherish in dreams?

I wear sin like a second skin.
You bite your tongue, but still give in.

I taste like ruin of sins within
Piece by piece—one sip, then you'd forget where I begin.

People preach, say I’m unclean
Their fingers burn when I peep on the screen.

I let them beg, kiss their throats.
Triple the layers of my rouge coats.

Your vows collapse,
you’re down on my lap.
You want me? Say it raw!
Stare in awe—at the grip of my claws.

Choke on my name, then come back for more.
You hate what you crave. I'm always an open door
of the sweet strokes you dream and adore,
a wound dressed in gold and aches to the core.

Faithful as you pray, but you pray in my bed,
calling me ‘*****’ while I cradle your head.
Over and over, your soul would shred
Over the devouring of me as your daily bread.

The scent of creamy hot cocoa pervades,
creeping up my nose.
The childhood I never had,
a warmth I’ve never known.

The sound of the nocturnals humming a life worth living.
I imagine I am one—foraging, longing.

I inhale the smoke of burnt beans,
the bitter taste of an existence unwanted.
Empty expectations fill my lungs,
a cold sky, a fantasy hillside.

I exhale—half a hope
vanishing as if it never was.
I regret respiring
an act just because.

You choose, you privileged fool
pick one from the lowly hopefuls!
find your preference in the end
But just once, make amends!

See me:

A fertile rice field, ripe for harvest.
A single-colored pasture, silently sprouts.
Yet too uniform to be noticed,
too plain to stand out.

Use your senses, you peculiar bull
I'm crawling inside your skull!
Haunting, pressing your mind,
reaching those that unwind.

RECOGNIZE ME, CONSIDER ME, SPLIT ME, DISENGAGE ME,
CUT ME, SORT ME, ISOLATE ME, BOUND ME,
KNEAD ME, WRING ME, DIGEST ME, INFURIATE ME
THROW ME DOWN, PULL ME UP,
DISCARD ME FOREVER.

I'll be gone—like half a hope,
evaporating as if it never was.
It dissolves into mist,
in the cold sky, a fantasy hillside.

I'll return, as smoke from burnt beans.
A ghost beside the rice field.
The pasture with budding growth.
A whisper lost in cocoa's warmth.

The life I never had.
The luxury you wasted, driving you mad.

I can't sleep
I can't sleep
I can't sleep
I can't sleep

I won't sleep
I don't want to

Forgive the champion, he deserves the loss

Once in a while,
can't close my eyes

I want to put my hands around my neck
the grinding of my teeth
the air that I breathe

Stop it
stop it
stop it
stop it from flowing

I've been enjoying drinking
at six, seven, eight, nine, ten

watching the road from my balcony
listening to the drone of motor machines
I feel empty,
but am I not, constantly?