I still look for you, you know
I wait and hope that you will be there
once a month, maybe, I will see you
you sit next to me and we launch into conversations
making up for lost time, perhaps?
All too brief and then you are gone
I journey the rest of the way in a heavy silence
thinking about what I should've said
last I saw you I wanted to rest my head
on your shoulder, like I used to
but I didn't
because that would hurt, in the end

It is as they say; hope breeds eternal misery

Do you not hear?

The Earth is speaking in morse code
with every tremor of Her land
that devastates cities

S

and every wave that drowns us
when Her tears rise up
and cascade down in agony

O

She is calling for us and we are deaf
we are blind to Her plight and pain
She is crumbling around us

**S

I poured every ounce of myself
Into oceans and bath water
And blood and sweat and tears
At the end of all of this
I am finally empty.

I am trying to love myself
oh god, I am trying
but the stars are too far
for me to find comfort in
and the ocean
the ocean that is my blanket
lies miles from this bed
this bed where I cried until slumber
took me into nightmares
where the ice cracked underfoot
and I plunged into a lake
of self-loathing
I drowned in that cold world
And awoke with frostbite on my heart

How sad it is
to see the sun
but not feel it