the night slipped by in blurs that later i’ll only recall as
weakness, salted and sticking,
suffocating symphony
of strangers’ scorn and lack of sympathy
when my emotions took ahold of me,
and let me fall apart
exposed, like a nerve, raw and throbbing

why’d you come to a singles party with a soulmate?
ah, i didn’t think you could see
the ghost that lingers,
ghost of all the things he did to me
clings like lovers’ fingers gripping tight and bruising flesh
this time, i’m not moaning
there’re no marks on my skin, just

pain i can’t cherish and
i must confess
you felt like the devil but you looked
like a god, and how
i couldn’t comprehend the correlation
between the face of an angel wearing the sneer of beast,
as your serpent tongue did intoxicate me
with equal measures of lust and loathing
for both myself and you, our
relationship like my stubborn swallowing
of stomach turning tequila
just to prove something:
i can take the burn
put on a brave face so you can’t see how much i’m restraining

i’m not quite the boy
that i used to be:
i give up on people now

do you remember
the boy you used to see?
he’d never stop clinging,
white knuckled and
bruising

this is the new me
still fighting but
living, too; breathing
without asphyxiating
under the strain of holding on

it’s bitter but it’s sweet
no more dedicating time
to fixing other people mind’s
and forgetting about mine

these shoulders are yours
i’m listening to your words
and these eyes see you

i am still him
that soft and sleepless boy
but now a man, grown

i will love you
but i will love myself too

god is dead; his body's in the attic
i didn't do it, though everybody's at it
this isn't blasphemy, it's freedom from fanatics
all that dark sky, light leaks where we cracked it

don't pray, your palms cannot clasp the chasm of your heart
your redemption's only received if your sorrow's sketched in art
frame it, mail it, burn it; give your love a fresh start
you don't owe apologies to god, only who you've wronged

you didn't need to cry yourself to sleep
all your words could be ours to keep
what you can't admit, i know it's deep
but ignoring the wound will make it seep

there's no shame when mistakes are confessed
i'll forgive you once the crime's addressed
but keep lying to me? lies will be undressed
the world a ****** to the guilt you've repressed