nevaeh

nevaeh Sep 2020

💖

o h ,
w h a t   a   m e s s
i ' v e   g o t t e n   m y s e l f   i n t o
t h i s   t i m e

her? no. me? hell yeah.

nevaeh Sep 2020

dear you

it's been a while
i learned a lot about myself
but there's a lot left to learn, for me and you both
i hope you're ready
im ******* not

oh yea, i'm back
but not the same.
i don't think i will be either,
at least not for very long time
you took it out of me
really...

but don't you mind me,
im doing lovely
especially compared to last month
and i know i said dome things
did some things...

but i hoped seeing you would make things...
different? better?
and i guess there are
i mean, they certainly are different...

now i can't breathe
without choking on something
on my words
on my feelings
all of those dying nights
almost like they never happened
like...
a dream

but im back now!
im back and better and waiting
waiting for you to notice,
and i think you did
what did you say?
why did you want?
i don't even remember
but im glad you did
because now i have a reason to fix things

i'm really fighting this
making it difficult
it's kind of what i do
im not giving up
not tonight

this is actually a rewrite of something i did 3 years ago - only completely different cuz now it's about a failed suicide attempt and not a love letter

#suicide

nevaeh Sep 2020

it always happens

broken hearts
tend to heal
people move on
~
you're not dying
you will live without me
you will meet another girl
with pretty brown eyes
and a careful soul
or maybe she'll be different
who knows?

point is:
i wont feel bad
for your broken heart
it'll fix itself in time
ask any of the people
that loved me before
you'll get over it
~
they always do

stolen title, no relation - new ex boyfriend swears i broke his heart, we dated for like a week lol

#love #heal #heartbreak

nevaeh Sep 2020

not a soul

it's just me
and my mind
all alone tonight

#lonely

nevaeh Sep 2020

hello, midnight

~
oh stars, how do you shine
on a night like tonight?
oh moon, you coward soul,
why do you hide?
~
sleep evades us,
we midnight thinkers
we conscious dreamers
us poets of the night
~
we that drag ourselves
to and fro
under the sun
we that welcome
miss midnight
and her quiet humdrum
~
we that smile
under the cool moon
under the burning stars
and cry out
hello, midnight!
~

insomnia is better with friends

#insomnia #midnight #night #sleep #moon

nevaeh Sep 2020

fun activities for insomniacs!

~
1. try on everything in your closet and determine that you look awful no matter what you wear

2. play rachmaninovs elégie op. 3 no. 1 with the synthesizer tuned to sound like a robot so the fact that it's for dead people feels less heavy

3. turn literally everything into art - including yourself and all reachable surfaces - paint, write poetry, make music, dance and be free

4. drink more water in one sitting than you have consumed in your entire life

5. put a box fan at the end of your bed, therefor inflating your blankets and effectively making a sick blanket air cave

6. reflect on every terrible thing you have done and all of the people you've lost

7. spiral into a deep depression and wonder why you're even alive when the only things you have to live for are universes away

8. remember that life itself is pointless and that nothing means anything until you force it to

9. pet your cat because shes a beautiful girl and she deserves all of the love in the world and more

10. absolutely, no matter what, never ever go to sleep.
~

its only when im dreaming that i remember what it's like to feel loved

#sleep #insomnia #fun

nevaeh Sep 2020

3:11 AM

hot hot hot
tear tracks on my cheeks
big red flags
all over those empty streets
searching - searching
then falling apart
memories faded
but memorialized in art
splinters
wood under skin
paint fumes
brain wearing thin
feeling things
from a long-gone time
and crying
over what was lost, but never mine
~
there is nothing good
tonight

was looking for a quote and all i found was a bad time