Somewhere, amongst the debris
of cigarettes after ***,
chemicals to induce sleep,
I forgot what it means to love.

I forgot what it means to breathe,
to sit still, and just be.

Somewhere, beneath these hooded seams
of solitude and well-versed grief,
beats a heart less cynical,
less tamed by vague distraction.

My nervous ticks and bad habits,
line of best fit for a near-hit
of satisfaction:

This is not enough, I know.
This is not nearly enough
to cool the bray of life
that still rattles meaning in my bones.

I forgot what it means to love,
what separates a house from a home.

Somewhere beyond this thirst
for brand-new words
is a gratitude for all that has been.
Every cliché holds a truth.

Every sentiment, a cocoon,
that I should lie so still inside

until I am wholesome,
until I am new.

I hate you here
I hate you there
I wish not to hate
because I am not one to hate,
but I think about you
way too much
for someone that no longer cares

I think how you were,
the things you asked of me

The things that were said,
the things you screamed,
the pain you charged at me

I still walk by that picnic table
and think of that night
you chased me down
when I wanted to leave

I still look at that park
and think of those nights
full of tears and anguish

The stars we walked under,
barely visible
as if even they knew,
the end was near
the moon shined down a perfect light
for our shadows to leap on

I still drive by that path we walked,
the time you told me things you've
not admitted to others before me

I remember thinking then
that you were a complete mess,
and not mine to fix,
but still,
it was so very hard to let go

It still is,
and after the time that has gone by
I saw your car just the other day
It just set me ablaze

You ruined so many things for me,
you laid out these lies
that I was supposed to trust
you laid out your fear,
your anger
that you held onto deeply
the past,
ours and yours
it rang inside of you like a bell
billowing out like a nuclear blast

I wasn't sure of you at first,
you were adamant
you were misleading
you were comforting,
but the things you became
riveted me in such a way
that I haven't been able to overcome

I'm guilty of a lot things,
but with you I was better

I needed time to become that way
I needed time to heal from the loss I had before you

I wasn't given that time,
and we see the results now

We see the results of two people,
claiming honesty
and getting lies

He was the moon
So glorious and majestic,
Extravagant and eccentric.

I am the (night) sky
Full of dreams and stories
Etched within the stars
That beautifies me
Everynight.

Without them
Without him,
I am nothing
But a void.
No reason to look up
No reason to care at all.

Everynight,
He is hidden
Behind the dark clouds
I don't know
Where they came from.

Sometimes
He wouldn't let me see
Himself in his great beauty.
Only a half, a crescent, or a quarter
Is what he gives.

But there are also times
When he shows himself
All his imperfections
And shines within
The vast stretch of darkness
I only care to give.

And people slowly
Starts to see
How we became a beautiful pair.

How he shines for me
And how I
Let them see
How beautiful he is.

And the stars,
My dreams,
Comes dancing and shining.

It was a sight to behold.
We were extraordinary.

But I was afraid
Too much will break our bond.
And so I ran away
When he so beautifully
Shined and glowed.

I always make a mistake everynight.
I let my darkness go
I let the stars kept under my blanket.

For I make way to someone
Who is more beautiful
Just like him
Shining and glowing
Just like him.

When combined both
They make up the universe
They make up the whole existence of us.

I am just a mere foreground
Changing my course
And watching them
Chase for each other
Until eternity.

If you could open up every man in the world
You'd find that they've been popping pills their entire lives
Yet no one ever thought of an intervention
These pills are capsules of clear salty water
That drown their hearts, killing off every emotion
They are not allowed to wet their cheeks
Because according to the myth, male tears shrink penises

Men do not cry; they bleed inwards
Their blood is stained with all their fears and pains
But they do not feel anything
They are men, and men don't feel
Men don't hurt; men only exist
But how do they breathe with all that water in their lungs?
When they exhale, their breath carries little drops of water out
They are round, soft, and pleading for help
"Let us out! We can't breathe! It's too dark in here,"
For the heart is the light of the human soul
Drown it and everything shuts down

Crying is not just tears streaming down your face
Crying is establishing a connection with yourself
It is an acceptance of pain
And acceptance is the first step to move forward
When you cry, your barren eyes are washed and cleaned
Drying out the well inside your chest
Letting your heart breathe
Letting your body rest
Letting your soul shine

Men are oceans of salt and pain
When the only thing they need to be is human