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 Jan 2015 Dinah M
A
dark day : five
 Jan 2015 Dinah M
A
It's just a black empty space and I have created a corner in this circle because I need security in the form of things, and not, people.
And I unzipped my skin because someone smiled at me in the wrong way this morning or because I laughed into the mirror forgetting it was there.
I am dreaming of the heavens because God every night is singing me songs of sweet surrender, coaxing me "child, it's okay." And I unzip my skin because the tears and the sadness and the Everest of grief swirls in my arteries and dances in my veins and I feel *****.
I unzip my skin so when you hold my hand or feel my pulse beat against yours, I am empty because I want you to remain, pure.
And soon I will unzip my soul to galavant in the heavens so my bones can dance in the richest soils, rattling the song of goodbye.
It was nice knowing you.
Sometimes I get a little sad.
I am not a perfect angel
Or a fairy in a jar.
No gossamer winged thing, I
am flawed, I am imperfect
And I sometimes fail.
Falling for you was my redemption.
While yearning for perfection,
I had nothing to give, I had no way to grow,
Frozen by rejection
All my courage had fled,
There was nowhere to go.
I can fly now, without wings,
Floating up, up,
I am borne by wizard gifted magic.
Even so
I am not a perfect angel
Or a fairy in a jar.
 Jan 2015 Dinah M
Still Crazy
“A man is about as likely to ask for help for depression as to ask for directions, and for much the same reason,” said Real, who struggled with his own depression issues. “It's part of the male code, part of masculine culture.”

~~~

when they ask,

I say, parrying fast,
how you doing?

to the persisters, I mutter fine

which is 100% correct...



been fined for the accumulated

made-mistakes, wrong forks taken,

the weight invisible but the

body sags, nonetheless...



you know they know,

you know their thoughts,

why doesn't he snap out of it,

after all he is a man,

he has always been

what we needed,

why can't he

just go back to the person prior...



this code, is not law,

ten times worse,

genetic and culture passed,

double ******,

code so real, like the headaches,

the nightmares, that forbid equanimity...



not true,

we don't expect that of you,

thankful for all you have done,

but eyes betray,

a simpatico misunderstanding,

the instillers, can't take back

what they celebrated previous...



the signals everywhere, few ascertain,

cause the rule is never complain,

don't go near windows,

lest the sunlight diffused, offers no cheer,

but escape temptation ever on offer...



forgive yourself, someone intones,

but what infects my bones,

is non-responsive to the forget antibiotic,

which does not come in pill format



ask me for directions,

I will talk/walk you to your destination,

but when I'm lost,

I'm just a lost man,

who needs to do better,

forgetting is not in my DNA,

but lost is...choking on expectations

of being everyone's savior,

with no one to save you from yourself...
 Jan 2015 Dinah M
нαℓeყ
Dreams
 Jan 2015 Dinah M
нαℓeყ
This isnt real. This it's all a bad dream. But the only way out isn't as easy as it seems. If I fail I'm stuck here forever and if I don't then another dream will be never.
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