I drink it down, and I feel happy
I sway on my feet, and the music makes me dance
My mouth tastes of fire and ice, the air around me of sweat and heat
I stumble over words and slur when I introduce myself
But, God, I feel so good
I sip away my anger, my sadness
And it makes me feel so much better than I did before
Some say that you can pick your poison
I have to disagree
My poison picked me
It picked me up and threw me around
Made me feel emotions on an entirely different level
Muted me and made me loud all at the same time
And oh, how I loved that sweet abuse
My poison made me feel special
Made me think about how I couldn't hear my thoughts
Made them loud and quiet at the same time
Made me realize that you actually can't change the volume of your thoughts
I smiled, and people looked at me like a gem, because I was taking off my shirt
And dancing on a table
And when I tripped over my own feet, my poison made me escape the shame
I laughed along with everyone else, because my poison told me it was fine
My kind of Poison made me wake up early and puke all my good feelings into a porcelain bowl
My kind of Poison gave me headaches that you could hear for miles
My kind of Poison left me smelling like sweat and stomach acid
But, God, did it feel good

Sometimes life is extremely ironic,
And laughs at us in our faces.

Like -
Going to church does not make you a Christian,
it won't hide the fact that you're a thief, a liar, a *** or gay.
Taking pills, won't suddenly shake you out of the state you're in,
it won't make you sane.
Placing your feelings and thoughts on paper
Does not make you a poet,
It doesn't not make you a writer.
Getting A's does not make you smart,
Neither do D's make you an idiot.
Clenching your fists and trying to fight back tears,
Won't take away the hurt,
It won't take away the pain,
It won't make you less of a crybaby
Because sometimes you're shattered,
And those tears
Come falling like a waterfall,
And nothing you do can stop it.


What's more sad is,
Having a significant other,
Whose smile is like the sun,
Whose eyes reminds you of coffee,
Whose lips taste feels like stroking icecream with
your tongue,
Except it's not cold,
And whose touch is like no other
Doesn't not cure your depression.
No matter how much sunlight they give off,
The sun always goes down,
It always makes way for the dark.
No matter how their eyes remind you of
something you love,
Sometimes you get lost in them,
And all you see is the reflection of someone you
sometimes detest.
No matter how much their lips feels smooth like
ice cream,
Sometimes mouths get tired, and all that reminds
you of are those that have gotten tired of you all
your life.
No matter how much their touch magic,
Sometimes you're reminded of
All the bad touches you've received in
your life.

You're my sun,
But I've always been dark,
You're the sun,
But sometimes all you can manage to do
Is dry up my rains.

No amount of sun can dry up my oceans,
to stop me drowning in the oceans of sadness inside of me.

-antxthesis

h.s. // 4:24am // 9/7/17 // some days the sun stops shining, some days the sun isn't enough

I sit at the park,
Puffing toxic smoke ;
Inhaling the pain i weep alone.
My life, indeed is like a rolling stone.
As the sun shines,
I became blinded,
While I exhale..
Puff.
Puff.
Puff.
Where is my hope.

Before staring at rocks, there was staring at fallen trees
Before fallen trees, there was sport and game
And much before that, there must have been something
To help us keep our lives wasting away

Staring at rocks, day in, day out
Nobody cries. Nobody questions
Why staring at rocks is a good way to live.
There's no good way to live, suppose that's the lesson.

Lessen and lessen until it's no more,
Or so it seems, with what we feel.
What we produce by staring at rocks,
Some fleeting pleasure, some placating meal.

Is it a big deal? Or is it not?
Shall we stare on as rocks evolve?
As the rocks evolve, will we just stop?
Will they grow on and we, grow not?

Is the rock a form of communication?
Is the rock the epitome of what we make?
What we do? What we value?
What we love? What we save?

Where's the glory? Where's the love?
What's between a bunch of rocks and I?
Where's the moment when I'll love rocks
And not hold tears back in my eyes?

Never dying, never criticizing,
Never complaining, always obedient
Manipulated entertainers,
No wonder rocks, that's where we went

Will it stop? Luddites united?
Or are the rocks the newest wheel?
They give us so much to know and process
But rocks, from you, I'll never feel