Biting my tongue was a problem for me as a child
Holding back the words
that I so desperately wanted to say
screaming on the inside
but politely whispering on the outside

As I grew into an awkward
fumbling
naive girl
I hated my passive lips
and ever silent throat

It was when I was confronted
only a timid lion cub thrown into a fight
that I grew my roar
and learned that my bite was worse
than my growl

Now ask me anything
tell me what you think
say what you really feel
and only expect the same in return
and don't be surprised by the poison that drips from my tongue

My saliva can infect wounds
and my teeth carry the venom of a thousand snakes
With lips so sweet
and smile so bright
It's camouflage for the beast hidden underneath

So keep running your mouth
let those slippery words flow through your mouth
but let me warn you


I don't need you
or your facade
A beast hides under these doe eyes
and it's more sinister
than the most poisonous snake

I have food and shelter.
I have people to love
and be loved by.

But this love is expected
and casual and quaint.
One would assume there is no room for complaint.

I am surrounded by friends.
Their love is kind and serene.
Yet no one acknowledges the space in between.

While they are all close,
No one comes closer.
No one would dare lay their head on my shoulder.

The ones who do always have to leave.
I'm left with empty arms and a lonely spot to grieve.

Average girls get balloons and sweets.
They never ask, yet still receive.
Why can't those things be done for me?

I am tired of desire.
Of wanting to be wanted.
It's as if because I am strong, my emotions are forgotten.

Touch.
It's as simple as that.
A pet on my hair or a pat on the back.

This could cure my ailment.
Make me less alone.
I can no longer survive with chats on the phone.

So please,
Good friend of mine.
Hold my hand as I shutter and cry.

The simplest gesture,
one miniscule touch.
Even if you don't realize that it means so much.

Why so sad my morning angel
did the darkness clip your wings
pull your heart down here from heaven
to settle where the reaper sings.

Why so sad my pretty blossom,
see your weakened petals fall
once you ruled the wildflower hillside
with hope and wonder for us all.

Please lift your heart and sing a lovesong
sing of aching burning need,
sing of limbs entwined and stirring
hidden places, planted seed.

Won't you lift your song to heaven
spread your wings and count to ten
'cause lingering deep within your passion
is where I found my soul again.

God
Dear God
Oh Lord
Heavenly Father
My Messiah
Lord in Heaven

I haven't felt


this

good

in
years

I'm a woman who just escaped the depths of a cave and felt sunlight on her skin.

I haven't felt like this about someone
since I was young
and believed that true love existed
and that once I met him I would know.
We would live in a castle in the sky
and hold hands
and laugh until our lungs caved in.
This mystery man of mine


But you

oh you

I can't help it
I've fallen for you
so deeply to the point where I don't recognize myself

This is the person I used to be
when I wasn't hardened by harsh words
and tainted smiles.

What did I do to meet you?

Which stars aligned to where I allowed to know you?

It was an accident
a simple click of a button
and a small interest

And yet
I feel so hopelessly dedicated to this relationship

God you

You

I just

I can't say it

But I will

It's a laser light show!
Fit for all ages!
Just don't look too hard at people's faces,
you'll see how strung out they are.
Pick your poison, smack, speed or stress,
we got it all.

Bring your daughter!
Bring your grandma!
Just don't look down the back alleys,
you'll see kids shooting dope,
and mother's selling their bodies.

Inbreds!
Racists!
We got them all,
come and see them before the city locks them up.
But wait!
For a limited time only,
get a free half gram of baking powder with any order of ******* (you must purchase at least one gram for the offer to apply).

I am wasted on the idea of affection.

Of it I drink daily.
I sip and I sip
until my swollen heart aches in its lonely abiss

Many wonder why I weep so often.
But you could never know the pain of a hangover with a soul as drunk as mine.

He is far away now.

Since I first wrote about him,
we've grown quite a bit closer.
Reading poetry in his smoked out van using hushed tones.
******* can be a verb but to him it's an adjective,
he'd use it often;
"I ******* love that girl, Nolan"
"That's the ******* ****, man"

We crouched under an awning,
cigarettes in hand, trying to escape the rain.
We needed to read no poetry then,
we were poetry, him and I.

He'd put his arm around me
while I vomited.
He understood I was sick because of seeing her with him, it had nothing to do with *******,
but he was more than willing to pretend.

I miss that man,
Bertran the Man,
who stands with cigarette in hand,
atop his white van,
hearing the cheers of those not fans.

I love that man,
for he is good and whole and poetry

We walked in and you were groggy
Laying in bed.
I wanted nothing more than to lay with you.
But instead I sat on the floor, pretending to admire the ceiling.

How ironic that you were wearing my favorite shirt of yours
White with blue and orange stripes.
It's the only thing about that evening that went as I had planned.
And even that was short lived.

Hayden felt at home and I felt alone.
Mike was somewhere in between.
I couldn't tell if you were surprised that I was in your room.
Maybe you were too tired to think.

But I wasn't.
So I sat there, next to the poster of Fergie
Pretending to admire the ceiling
Wondering if you'd let me clean the cobwebs in the corner.

It was a beautiful ceiling
Intricate and gold.
I couldn't imagine your room being any other way.
Fergie's *** was rubbing it in my face.

I followed everyone downstairs
they were waiting for a movie
but I was waiting for you.
I was afraid you had gone back to bed

You changed your shirt but didn't bother to fix your hair.
I like white button-ups
but not as much as the stripes.
You have very boney knees but I don't mind.

I wished I could say something clever like I  normally do.
But I just can't when I'm around you.
My thoughts were wasted or already used by someone else.
That was humiliating.

You wanted to drive with us to my house.
But you didn't bother put shoes on.
We held eye contact and it looked like you forgot how to smile.
That was the highlight of my evening.

"This house is beautiful"
was the first thing I said.
Hayden said something like "It's old as hell"
And you both went on to joke about the ghosts that built it.

I'm the wind
tossed and turned
without bounds

I'm the sea
crashing relentlessly
can't control me

I'm a prison
clawing and scratching
trapped within

I'm a tree
ruthlessly bending
uprooting ferociously

I'm dead bones
internally rotting
slowly cracking

I'm abused fruit
dropped and bruised
eat my flesh

I'm my destiny
endlessly lost
so far from free

*m.w.

This is my collection
The paintings stand for those who won
The statues are those who lost
My trophies are locked in cases
My medals are hung on the wall
Those rings aren't for touching
Those awards are supposed to be hung
Dust the floor
And wipe the ceiling
Don't forget to clean the glass
And please don't breathe on the ones with diamonds
Stop starring at that
Put that down
No you can't touch anything
What was that?
No go through that door
If you have any questions, please ask


Wait
One more thing
I forgot to tell you something important
Do you see that door?
The one with the locks and deadbolts
Never go inside
Don't let anyone else inside
In fact
Find a curtain
Let's cover that door
So no one will be tempted to enter


What was that?
The door is unlocked?
But who could have gotten in...
Well go in there!
Find out who it is


What did you say?
He has a key?
But
*how