I drove around the countryside
Looking for a place to stop
But I don't feel safe anywhere
There's nowhere I belong

I used to call my mother's house
My home for most of my life
I am not a kid  anymore
Wandering is my new life

I drove around the countryside
Looking for a place to think
But I can't clear my head anywhere
There's nowhere I can be

I used to think I'd be happy
When I was growing up
I am not the man I thought
Or surely sought to be

I drove around the countryside
Thinking about life
How it's always changing
And I hate that people come and go

I used to think I'd have my friends
For life, the ones I know
But I just keep on wandering
Until I find my place to go

I can't study
What I want to
Because I have no money
My course
Isn't eligible
For government loans
I can't get a loan
From my bank
Of nearly six years
Because I'm self employed
I write this
In a futile attempt
To stop me from crying
As I
Curse my working class
Background and
**** my underprivileged past

No place
No future
No place
No future
No place
No future
No place
No future
No place
No future
No place
No future
No place
No future
No place
No future
No place
No future
No place
No future
No place
No future
No place
No future
No place
No future
No place
No future
No place
No future
No place
No future
No place
No future
No place
No future
No future
No future

Cold rain falls
Patters on my head
I look to the sky
My eyes turn red
Flickering pupils
Dilated so wide
I tear off my shirt
Embracing skies tide
I open my mouth
To catch some raindrops
Tasteless liquids
Nothing makes the pain stop
Collected water boils inside
My mouth once dry
It's now a simmering ***
The demons inside me
Make everything hot

Deep inhalation of fresh air
I understand why I'm here now
I'm no longer scared
Steam streams out of my body
My hands are on fire, my lips tingle
I look to my left, a lamppost glows
I turn to my right I see people mingle
Outside a late night cafe, their life simple
A bus stop ahead with two people there
A man and woman, he touches her hair

I place the palm of my hand on the lampost
Just to lean and wonder how I'm here
The shade bursts and sparks fly
The woman at the bus stop screams
"Nooo I don't want to dieeee"
As the fluorescent lights fizzle and pop
The man she's with falls to his knees
Grasps his head "no please make it stop"
The small group of people freeze
Outside the cafe they violently fit
I don't know what's happening
I assume it is me doing this
I try to let go of the lamppost beside me
Pulling my arm with the other hand

I finally break free
I too now fall to my knees
Getting up is hard
My joints creek
With mechanical movements
I go over to see
The couple at the bus stop
The girl lays on the floor now
I shake her but she is surely dead
Her eyeballs have melted to red goo
The man still firmly grasping his head
Looking at him I don't know what to do
He chants repeatedly in words unheard

The people outside the restaurant
They're all still fitting
People are with them now from inside
I step backwards in to the bus shelter
Fear surges through me again
My conscious spirals a helter-skelter
Trying to hide from the people outside
Hearing sirens now my eyes dilated wide
I'm clueless as to what has happened
Panicking I run past the lamppost
Glancing at it as I pass
A dark black hand print is melted in

I guess I was too slow
I guess I'm too late
at the time, didn't care
I guess I wasn't awake
a dream, a fading reality
it passes with sleep
memories forever
moments you can't keep

She looks at me
Squints in one eye
Runs her tongue around her lips
From one corner to the other
My heart races, head flutters
I'm just so hot inside
Burning up in fact
Beads of sweat pour from my forehead
Drip down my nose and I realise
She has what I so very badly want
She pulls her hand away from her mouth
"What the **** are you looking at?"
I choke on my words before they come out
I'm so embarrassed
"I'm sorry love, that cornetto looks amazing right now"

For it is a British heatwave
We're strange enough in our usual
Cold and wet weather
We're freaks in the sun

To my friend,

I haven't met you yet
You should know that
What you see is what you get
I am not a liar, perhaps just
Brutally honest but
I will sprinkle compassion
On your morning coffee and
Comfort you day and night
In the dark times to come

I don't have anything to give
Except my own company and
A whole lot of love
Hopefully that's good enough
I'll never be perfect but
None of us are, so hopefully
You'll enjoy my company
Better than I do at least

Maybe when we're together
We can go see a movie
Or you could come for a drink
With me and my girlfriend
I just know you're going to love her
She's everything to me and you'll
Get along just fine I know it

Did I mention my family is big?
I have five sisters but it's not
Even half as insufferable as you'd think
They're just like me in a way except
Better suited to girly stuff
My parents are great and my dad
Gets on with near enough everyone

I hope to meet you soon mate
It's lonely without you here
I can be your right hand man
You can be my comfort zone
Here's to the day we meet
Be patient buddy, it can't be long now

Much love from
Your soon to be best friend

Finley x