plagued by the dark past
i keep gaslighting myself
ready to forget

im such a big girl
i should be proud of myself
because i dont cry

These days you feel like a burden in my heart
Your mere image is now foreign
Pagan and
Obscene
I cannot bare to face you
I cannot bare to carry this weight alone
It's been days
Weeks
Your presences lingers
Unfaltering-
Never wavering
Refusing to
Drift away
Fade away from
My memories.
I cannot cry it away
I occasionally shed dry tears
I cannot eat it away
You eat at me-
Tear a pit into my stomach
I cannot starve it away
My cheeks hallow and i see your sunken in smile blinking back at me

Would you look for
the atlantic coast
Where your dad
dropped you off
and became a ghost

Could you come and find
that tree in red
The one they found him under
with the hole in his head