she just had a wish
she just had a hope
she just had a prayer

she just didn't know

she would trade her soul
she would break her heart
she didn't want the whole world
she just wanted in your part

she did everything she could
she sold everything she owned
guess it wasn't enough
for she was left alone

did she not wish hard enough?
not pray the right prayer
was it never meant to happen
should she just not care?

she just hopes that you're happy
                                                                ­                          even if she's not

why
can’t we just
be k i n d

just
take a second
to appreciate
that we’re not alone

just
wait a minute
and remember
all those times people were kind to us

and just
spend a lifetime
to repay
what can never be repaid

we’re all just human
flesh and bone

though not the same origin
still the same soul

we’re all just sinners
saved by grace

all under different beliefs
all different kinds of race

why can’t
we just
be

k i n d ? ? ?

this isn’t going to make sense
cause it’s not supposed to
and if I’m being honest
this isn’t for you
it’s not even for me

I’m stuck
I’m trapped
I’m lost
I’m every other word that describes people who feel at a dead end

I’m typing on a ****** phone
That’s connected to a ****** connection
That could possibly be a metaphor for my life

I’m writing
Because I don’t know what else to do

I’m writing
Cause that’s what they told me to do

But they also told me that what I think isn’t always true
That I’m special and I just don’t see it

But that’s the thing
I don’t see it

And if I don’t see it then why should it matter if anyone else does

And if I’m thinking something why should it matter if it’s true

What matters is that it’s in my head
What matters is that it’s always there

But here I am
Stuck in the same place
Back to square one
No progress made
The same questions, whether true or not

Will I amount to anything?
Do I really help?
Am I really worthwhile?
Do you actually care?

I see these people
When I’m online
They smile and post
They edit and pose

I can’t help but wonder

Do you really smile, or do you just do it to look happy like me?
Do you really feel happy, or are you trying to lie like me?
Do you understand what I feel?

Or is it just me?

I’m not trying to be selfish
I don’t want a lot
I just want to be happy
And I want others to be happy with me
But neither is happening

So instead there’s a poem
That doesn’t even ryhme
That makes no sense
  I’ll try harder

I've tried so hard to write
a poem just for you
                                                                 but once the pen hits the paper
                                                          the words, get dry, they disappear
                          
                             every motion, every second,
                                          everything  
                               is slowed down to a pause

                            i'm lost in this universe
                                         that's lacking all things you

even at the thought
or briefest mention
of you
                                                                             i'm back at the moment
                                                        when my life was forever changed
                                  
                                     i can't write,
                                    i won't write
                    
                         because it will never justify
                      all the things that make you good
                      all the things that make you, you

                             i regret so much
                                 yet there's nothing i can do

if i knew there was only so much time
   i would have tried more, done more
                          
                                                                             lived more
                                                                             loved more

but now i'm stuck
in this moment
that isn't
                                                                                                       with you

You say I'm Beautiful, gorgeous, breathtaking,
You say you could write an entire essay about my beauty.
Maybe it's true, maybe it isn't.
The point is,
You say all these nice things,
And all can think is it's too much.

You tell me I'm amazing,
with that smile of yours,
and I should be lit up inside;
but I'm just scared.

You talk about our future,
like it's something that's set in stone,
like we're forever.
And I should be amazed that anyone one make that commitment,
but I'm still scared.

You've done this before,
and, every time,
you fall for her.
That girl who is perfect in every way.
They are your world, your everything.

This time,
I am that girl;
and it's scary,
it's too much,
and I feel like I'm;
          drowning,
                   drowning,
                             drowning.

What can I do?
Wait for you to go?
That's the simple answer, yes.
But is it the right one?