No one told me how much it could hurt. No one told me how I could so easily I could fall back down after picking myself up. No one told me that even though it's bad to keep everything inside you, it's even worse to tell it to someone who doesn't care. No one told me how hard it would be to find someone who does care. No one told me that you could get so sad that you could actually feel your heart breaking. No one told me how hard this could be.

she was leaving
and got the gumption
to see me before she did
so we went to dinner
she sat, crumpled
at the edge of the booth
playing with her silverware
hands sweating
our knees barely touching
underneath the table
they shook like the day we met
they shook like floodgates
when the clouds get upset
her hair was drawn back
into an apology
and she didn't answer
when the waiter asked for drinks
she pans, tilts
looking for the restroom
but doesn't get up
covers her mouth
to hide her furled chin
i cut her a piece of bread
not sparingly
i didn't want to ruin the symbolism
of cutting a gangrenous thing
from ones self
she half wept out "tell me a joke"
i thought to say "look at us."
that's it. that's the joke.
the premise & the punch line
sharing some silence
here in this ominous moment
so thick with goodbye
you could touch it
i said "when they asked what the name was for the wait, i should've said "awkward, party of 2"
but that's not the joke
"knock knock"
she whispered "who's there?"
i sat for a moment and said
"so we've come full circle.. we're even in the same seats, from all those months ago"
her lips quivered
and she hid her mouth
"i just wanted to hear a joke"
she said
i came back with
*"if i fell for you in a quiet restaurant & no one was around to hear it, does the laughter of children i drempt we'd have make a sound?"

Forget the things you once read
Those girl's eyes are now dead

No more to cry those lonely tears
Or to show her rising fears

Depression and insanity
No longer will she have to flee

She'll never think her vengeful thoughts
And in the ground her body rots

She made the choice to let go
The tests will show she went slow

She never blamed a single soul
In this choice we played no role

This sad, sad girl did feel no pain
As from her veins the blood did drain

She made two cuts upon her wrists
Her hands were clenched in ****** fists

We hope this girl did find some peace
As her life began to cease

Her eyes stayed open as she died
And tears did fall as she cried

She never fought to hold on
Just let go till she was gone

Suicide to end her pain
Her tears would fall an icy rain

Letting love lead
Is like letting the blind lead
You know you are going to fall
You just don't know when