Always autumn in me
The plunge to the ground
The pull of the wind
I approach the end as autumn does
Slowly,
                    
                     Lingering in cold mornings

Never winter in me
Never snow or ice
Always only the movement towards
If it is autumn always
There may not be any spring
One cannot be reborn
                     In such a chill as this
There may never be summer
                     In such a wind as this
Autumn in my soul
This movement unto shall be enough for me
                     This movement unto shall be enough for me

A flower behind the eye
Roots in the skin
Seeking water not spoiled by sweat and tears
The touch of my lover
The softening of thorns for her handling
The shade of branches for her slumbering
I grow gentle in her arms
Under her gaze
I grow further from the ground
Bloom and flourish and shriek for her
A flower behind the eye
Torn from it roots
Settled in a quiet place
Brushed softly behind her ear

Today, I am gardening my life,
I'll root out  worrisome weeds,
Those thoughts that trouble me,
Cast them aside, those I'd never need.

I'll cut the grass of discontent,
Layer it even, soft, green and sweet,
Smoothen  the furrows,
So I can run content, bare feet.

I'll water seeds planted with love,
Of friends made this year,
Friendships that bloomed,
That make life special, worth living and dear.

I'll welcome butterflies,
And make homes for nesting birds,
With them, taste sun's ambrosia,
Soar and see the world.

I'll bask in the rainbow of colors,
Of blossoms brilliant and bright,
And keep them sheltered,
When they sleep at night.

I'll capture the scented essence,
Of roses, jasmines and lilies
Place them in a jar —
As fragrant memories.

I'll love, rest and spend more time,
Under the shade of the family tree,
Cherish every moment, every minute,
Beneath its precious canopy.

And I'll buy new saplings,
Sow them all carefully in a row,
Of hopes, promises to me and mine,
And tend to them, make them grow.

I knew that inevitably
I’d have to go to a funeral one day.
Far into the future,
when I was old and greying.
Mature enough to grieve the loss.

I didn’t think my first funeral would be yours,
four months following
from your twentieth birthday.

I stood in front of everyone who’s ever meant something to you.
I dropped petals over your body.
I spoke words not nearly enough
to encapsulate the friendship we shared.
I felt the weight of the rooms grief upon my own.
I spoke to your family and I finally understood you.

Your body lying behind me,
dressed in white.
The bandaid on your forehead,
giving me a glimpse of where you cracked apart.

Now, I see your expressions in my little brother.
When he cut his hair,
hair the length of yours,
it felt like you left me again.

I hear your voice commentating on my every day.
I think, where are you right now?
Can you see me?

For I don’t know what I believe.
I don’t know where you are,
and I’ll drive myself mad trying to reach you,
trying to put us back in the past,
transport us back to fifteen year olds
who understood each other on a telepathic level.
We thought we had forever to bicker.

I will never find that in someone else.
You’re gone and you took a piece of me with you.

I remember dropping to the floor,
when I found out the news,
unable to breathe.
I called you nine times
before someone took my phone away.
You didn’t even have a voicemail.
How selfish of you not to give me hope.

When I hit twenty myself,
six months later…
It felt impossible
that you weren’t there.

I know you would have dressed up
for my ***** Dancing party,
And I wish more than anything
that I got to see you dance.

Rubble of mine,
crumble and divide.
Afflictions turned armies,
burdens turned shields.

Rumblings of a new world,
the ground sure to split in half.

Through a crack,
the afterglow appears.

A single new leaf,
born out of calamity,
tightly wound into itself,
begging for sanity.

Emerge a saviour in me.
Lick my wounds,
and salve my despair.

Look beyond my walls,
and find a warrior there.

The Dragon year, a vibrant hue,
Now fades, a memory, bittersweet and true.
Solitude's embrace, a winter's chill,
Gave way to warmth, a love that time can't ****.

The Rabbit year, a sorrow's bitter sting,
Left scars unseen, a wounded spirit's wing.
The Dragon's dawn, a fragile, timid bloom,
Seeking solace in life's quiet room.

But destiny, with gentle, guiding hand,
Revealed a soul, a kindred understand.
Beyond the surface, deep within her core,
The anguish seen, and wounds forevermore.

A solace offered, unexpected grace,
Two souls entwined in a warm embrace.
The spark ignited, a love beyond compare,
Mending the broken, easing every care.

Now hand in hand, they journey to the Snake,
A new beginning, for love's sweet sake.
Heart to heart, a balance they will find,
Forever bound, in love's embrace entwined.

walking those shorelines
and rocky borders
between the heart & mind

on a mend
in an effort to learn
the signature of each lung

with the hope
that this breathlessness
parallels the transience of life

don't forget to look up from the sand,
from the little voice
between the two sounds of a working heart

the ocean raises a salute
for those moments
that never leave us