You better stop trippin'
or you might
fall in love.

my psychology teacher asked us to close our eyes
i saw nothing
he told us he was now going to say a word,
and for us to think about the first thing that came to mind
"love"
you
i saw you

It's strange how things can shift
When you give them the chance
I didn't know that this could happen
But I smiled when you asked me to dance

And I would dance with you forever
My head gently pressed on your chest
I would laugh with you forever
While you claim we're the best

Your bright blue eyes and small little grin
Your faith in the world and in me
Make me want to lay with you forever
Under the shade of your most favorite of trees

Please hold my hand and rub my back
And never forget that very first night
Or the kisses you laid on my forehead
And everything in the world for once felt right

fleeing what I thought I was born to do
in a place I thought I was born to be in

credit card declined
but $1500 cash in my wallet

He gives me spending money as we ride down a chrome lift
Squares.
Wide eyes.
Genuine smiles.
Personal anecdotes.
We take care of each other.

Glowing charisma draws me into this black hole of self-loathing
Why?

I change my terminology in order not to bruise egos
the sensitivity of the soul
the tears ducts
the corners of the mouth
the shoulders tensing
I see it all.

I see words
I feel actions
Merge.
Please.
Merge.

i am a culmination
of sad eyes
goodbyes
and self hatred
rooted since
youth

You left me alone in the debris of your thoughts. You set me on fire and just let me burn,
just like the rest of the useless things in this world. You kept shoving pills down my throat like xanax, synthroid, zyprexa and klonopin just to get me to change who I really am, but I don’t even know who I am.

You kept telling me that I’m not good enough,  that I’ll never be good enough. So I can’t get through a day without telling myself that I’ll never be able to succeed  anything, that I shouldn’t even try. That’s probably why you left.

My life was a lie upon many that I never chose to accept,  because you said you loved me. You said you wouldn’t leave this time. But you saying you love me was just a figment of my own illusion because the next day you were off with some other girl.

I won’t lie and say I’m fine because I only have 182 bones because you took my rib cage out just to get to my heart. I won’t say that my brain doesn’t think about you anymore because my memories of you takes up 2.6 petabytes of my mind, it’s overflowing.

I drank every night just to eradicate you from my mind.  I had a system overflow and I wasn’t aloud to reboot myself, I wasn’t allowed to erase you from my life.  In my life we were perfect but in yours we were just a nervous wreck  and when our bodies collide all you could think is how to end it.

I guess you were never worth the brutal beating,  or the left over beer bottles scattered around my room. Because now I can finally say I’m over you…  Or at least I think.