i want it all.
your sleepy murmurs in my ear
as you drift away on a sea of dreams, the
gentle strokes of your fingers,
soft against my spine, the way
you hold me with your whole body.

i watched the moonlight draining onto
your bedroom walls as i lay beside your
slumbering warmth & felt something like happiness
radiating from my core.  your sheets danced with shadowplay
as i listened to your steady breaths
in & out,
couldn’t bear to slip away.

here’s the truth:
your arms feel like home,
like safety,
like a place i never want to leave.  
when you held me in that meadow,
wrapped in dreams & lust & a stark-flecked sky,
whispered the first i-love-you,
i wanted it all.

i want it all,
want to be yours,
crave you in the most indelible of ways,
urgent & deathless.
it’s finally time.  throwing out the razors.
cleansing the smoke from my lungs.
trading the bad habits i wear like shackles
to drown in your skin & sweat & sunshine.

maybe i don’t have a good reason for wanting it.
maybe i just know.

without a word
you can turn me
from my path,
leading me astray
and then another
minute, hour, day is gone.

you do one little thing
and my mind
becomes a blank canvas,
for you to draw
your funny little cartoon pictures on.

you can turn your head
and glance my way,
and i just melt
and commit with heart overwhelmed
to watching you play
and grow.

there will be a day,
far too soon,
when you will find,
my love for you,
awkward and embarassing. this i know and accept.

but for now, i can lose myself,
basking in the sunshine
of your love.
you are just
a little man right now
but you give a...
whole world of love
and a dollop of joy
and a sprinkle of hope,
in that happy, beeming, sunshine on a rainy day, smile.

you are my little, big, love

I've lost the key that opens the door to my heart,
It's like a painter painting without a brush to an incomplete piece of art.
Like a bird singing a song that cannot be heard
Like a poet writing poetry without a single word
It is the complexity that creates the confusion
Its Missing the flame that lights the spark to create a fusion.

The thief is known to come in the night time
But his not a thief but someone I used to call mine
I guess you could say he stole a piece of me
But he didn't I made the key and handed my heart for free
We danced to a song that only our souls could hear
Then he became out of rhythm and made me shed a tear
Since I knew his song had found a knew singer
So when he left I hoped he will return making me the jackpot winner
But he comes and then he go's
And now I feel his warm breeze that keeps me froze

So I light the candle in the darkness he created
I search through all the men I have previously dated
But there is no one I find but him
That can create fire inside when the match is dim
When he reappears he takes my heart to dance
We take two steps forward and I give him another chance
Then two step backwards while I'm
Lost in his dark eyes
And in them I see the missing key to my jackpot prize

I see lovers
holding hands and giving each other the look that can only be described as
"the look"
because only those who are out of love are bitterly aware of the sickeningly admiring gaze that one partner gives to the other when they speak  
and only those who are in love are oblivious to the fact that they are giving the look

And I see friends,
friends in love with friendship
friends in love with being with each other
in love with the adventure and the memories
and the comfort and familiarity that comes with knowing each other like the back of your hand

I see individuals
completely, and utterly in love with themselves
the kind of arrogance that is almost admirable
in love with their passion,  their ambition
with their goals and their futures
in love with the potential they know they have and in love with the hope that maybe one day,
they'll be an All-Star
or a politician
or a beautiful poet
or a parent

I see all of these people who are in love and I wonder, are these people really as in love as they claim to be?

And if so, when is it my turn to be in love?

I am adrift
upon a sea that
always returns to kiss
the broken shore.
No matter how hard the two collide
she always returns for more.
I am stranded
upon this constant tide
that perpetuates a heartache,
for no matter how hard I try
I cannot become the foam of waves
I cannot return time and time again to kiss that perfect stony face.

The sea is in love with the shore
but must always pull away.
Only to return once more
with the thundering embrace
of a thousand soft lipped waves.

He knows the smell of rain
He asks what color is the rain?
The wind blows
And he smiles
He knows the smell of spring
He asks what color is the spring?
A bird chirps
He smiles

He walks home
Wondering the color of the world
And he smiles