Five nights ago,
at 10:31PM,
I whispered I loved you,
and you stumbled up
your porch steps,
grabbing the air,
laughing and saying,
"I love you, too."

Four nights ago,
I held your hand
as we
strolled through the park.
I ignored the rugged scuff
of your boots,
and you ignored
the pounding beat
of my heart.

Three nights ago,
you told me
to go home early.
Our movie
wasn't finished,
but you were.

Two nights ago,
I saw you
walking through the neighbourhood,
a beautiful girl
by your side.

Last night,
the air was still.

And tonight,
I don't think you'd care
if I didn't text back.

The only difference between me and you is
That you'll be able to move on
And I won't.

i had a friend once,
and she taught me
not to say "i love you too,"
because it sounds false and inauthentic,
and little white lies are worse than the cold, hard
truth.

i had a friend once,
and she taught me
that you don't have to do anything;
it's simply a matter of whether you should
or shouldn't.

i had a friend once,
and she lived in a small, boring town
with small boring people.

i had a friend once,
and she was not a small, boring person.

i had a friend once,
and she hated herself,
every last inch of her,
but she still always knew
how to make me smile.

i had a friend once,
and she would always reference books
or music
or movies,
because to her,
the real world just wasn't as appealing.

i had a friend once,
and i left her.

she stayed.

she waited.

i'm sure her hope wavered at times,
but she waited still.

and i came back,
only to leave again.

she didn't stick around this time, though.

so, you see,
i had a friend once,
and she taught me
to think deeply,
to live freely,
and to love truly.

i had a friend once.

she's gone now.

(a.m.)

Love is not caring that
You miss them so much it physically hurts,
That it's agony,
But rather,
Hoping so much that it hurts,
That they are doing well,
And they are
*happy.

Know that,
If he were to ever hurt you
In anyway,
I will be there.

I will be there to hold you,
As you cry,
To bring you tubs of ice cream,
Studio ghibli movies,
*****,
And tissues.
To whisper to you
That he was an ******* anyways,
That you will always deserve better,
The best.

I will be there,
To mercilessly ****** him,
To slit his throat,
Let the blood flow out,
Let him experience your pain.

Just know that.

I have this fantasy
That one day you will strip away
All your fears,
All you facades,
All your faces,
And just let me see your soul.

I want to palm your heart,
The way you clutch mine so tight,
And feel it beat,
One, two, five...
Skipping three and four.

Finally,
I want to erase all the scars that run across you,
Old markings and tales,
Railroad tracks leading to burnt out bonfires,
Almost forgotten,
But always reminding you that they are there.

But really,
Above all,
Is that I just want you to be
happy.

**Even if I'm not.

February 5th?! Already?!
This day...
It's nothing more than another ordinary
Thursday.

Ask me what I want for my birthday...
All I have to tell you is,
You.

I just want you to be
*Safe
And
Happy.

I stole you and put you in a little cage
Inside my heart.
No,
It's not a prison,
(At least I hope not)
But when you hurt,
The cage inside my heart,
It feels it.
It feels your pain
And resonates it throughout the rest of me.

It hurts.
It hurts so ******* much.
A jolt of too much bad electricity gone wrong bursting to life flowing in and out of my veins,
Fire coursing through,
Burning me inside out,
And don't even get me started on what happens on the outside.

Cause on the outside baby,
That's where it hits hardest.

It's this pain that will cause me to wail,
Toss my head back in agony,
And to scream like a banshee.

But that's beside the point.

Just...
Stay safe.
I care.
It hurts.