I want to feel something
Or nothing at all
But emptiness wrapped
In everything at once
Is utterly unbearable

I feel slow
My head is spinning
Faster...
Limbs heavy and awkward
I feel good
Finally

It’s not enough
You need to keep drinking
You can stop when it’s all gone
Stop when you can’t see straight
Keep ******* drinking
You worthless *****
Don’t listen to your body
Just drink
You’re not drunk enough

**** this
Alone
Again.
Not drunk enough
Til the room spins.
I’m tired
I’m lonely
If you’re nice maybe I’ll just kiss you again...
****

One shot for the years alone
Another for the panic
A shot for hope gained and lost
And one for my illness

While we’re at it
Take one for the boy you wanted
The one who kissed you
Then have a few more
For him deciding he doesn’t want you

******* drown it
I don’t want to think
Don’t feel
Just lie down and let the room swirl
And maybe it won’t all hurt so much...

tw self harm




Huh... a few quick slices of the skin
A stinging sensation
Was all I needed
To feel again

You want nothing more
Than to be a good mom
To see me succeed
To see me happy
To have me love you

But you’re not
We’re so far past that now
You can’t make up for your mistakes
I can’t thank you for an existence I don’t want

I love you
But you’re not a good mom
You’re just my mother