As I stand here with hat flat brimmed
A nervous snicker mistook for a grin
Let the words fall out my mouth past my chin......
I won't  look past the spotlight there is only the dark
Like everyone's vehicles are in overdrive and mines stuck in park .....
It's the handful of prescription pills from someone else
A demon on my chest like you've never felt
A desperate anger that turned way before help
The reason I don't even recognize myself ......
It's been in me for a while it invaded my smile
Turned every forward step into a mile
Beat me up and made me feel like a child. ...
I dare not speak it's name... it turns into a label
Make the society look at me like I'm unstable
And the chance of success is pulled off the table
The enemy is within this clouded reflection
With too many faults I cannot mention
I lol when I hear people say it's all for attention
So with a fleeting glimpse into the hell full of tension ......
Depressed means finally not getting pushed down
Like deflated balloons belong with a clown
So before you go blast my name all over town....
I could be you... you could be me
Walk where I've been see what I see ......
Be truly alone with a room full of "friends"
Is it what makes you happy guess it depends .....
Depression has thousands  in its terrible army
At the end of the day it will only be myself that harms me.......

I used to believe you would never hurt me;
and laughing at anyone who thought different.
The first time hit me with the greatest impact imaginable.
The second time- unbearable.
The third...I am part to blame.
You want to know why I pushed you away?
I didn't want it to hurt again.

I come running back. Crying back. Out of breath. Out of pure purpose.
You.

Cold stares, no replies, not a tear shed on your half.
So please forgive me for doubting you now.
It seems so normal. Routine. It feels like "us" again.
Now I come to a crossroads- get comfortable or be on edge.

Natural is the feeling I get when I am with you.
Everything feels right. My mind stops racing and my heart takes its place.
Do you not see this? Or do you not feel this?
Do you even know what I am saying?

I want you to know every day without you stung.
Lack of sleep; couldn't even stomach food without my insides churning at the mere thought of your face.
Having you in my reach now is terrifying.
Terrifying because it's the only thing that makes me feel how I did the first time I ever met you.

I want you to know your worth in my eyes;
How much I adore you;
And the measures I would go to, just to make you believe me.

Would you do the same for me?
Would you give up on me, again?

When you accidentally stumble upon something that stings-
What do you do?
When you see that message of someone making fun of your depression, your grades, your being- but have to pretend you didn't.

I want to tell you how deep that cut me.
I want to cry and ask how someone can be so cruel.

But then I think-
Someone who can make fun of suicide, who can belittle a person's feelings and reality..
That is a tragedy in itself.
So I'll pray for you.

I will pray that one day you find the peace that you so desperately need.
I will pray that the ignorance you possess on something that takes lives is replaced with knowledge about how serious this issue is.
I cannot imagine living a life with such an oblivious tone.

I may be ****** up, but at-least I am know I am.

Standing amidst solitary darkness,
My heart becomes so empty and less fragile.
Sitting at the foyer of my weakness,
I felt the freedom to forget with agile.
  
I know that the pain in me doesn't last;
And in my heart, I found no sign of cleft.
All of my memories faded and had passed.
Henceforth, there will be no emotions left.

I forgot everything that you've done—
And no, you didn't make me feel dumb.
Now all of my sufferings hath gone.
I just realize that I am numb—

Thou art the reason why my heart is cold,
But now, I am strong and precious as gold.

I stay in the distance with open arms
Appearing calm, internally burning;
Expecting nothing.
How much longer can one wait?
An eternity.
When something this true comes to life-
There is no living without it.