Little girls dream about me
My beauty
Ariel as my guide
My fish tail splashes on each wave
As my human body curves with the current

Beautiful
Stunning
I'm known for my looks
Although I have dreams
Dreams far beyond the sea

Even though I come from water
My mind is stuck in the clouds
As I swim with the fish
I trail the birds in the sky
Following their journey until nightfall

Who knew dreams would trap me
In the depths of my own home
The home that is told to have treasures
Only leaves scars and darkness
To surround me in my fate

As a mermaid, a siren,
I was never meant to dream for the clouds
But meant to be alone and trapped
From everything that doesn't need salt water
That doesn't need me

So I draw the sailors in
The families at the beach
To the pull of my sweet voice
Singing, creating a new melody
To draw them to me in the one true sea

And once they come to me
They may never escape
And although it may seem cruel
To keep them from their home
I now have the one thing I've always wanted


A friend.

When we are taught about bullying
The dangers and costs
We are told the consequences
What can be lost.

So I vowed to help others
Through thick and thin
And promised to never
Break open my skin

We are told to get help
To find someone to trust
We are told to survive bullying
That is a must

But what if the person
You loved most
Betrayed you
And became a ghost

I let her down
I wasn't there
I cry every month
Pulling at my hair

Thinking about her success
In something I'll never be able to do.
Who knew my mind
Could be a bully too.

How can you run away
From an ***** inside
That terrorizes you
Until you want to die.

I can't run away
I have no choice
But to pick myself up
And try to clear my voice

But things are harder to clear
When you face them alone
I have no real friends
I face the world on my own.

My voice grows tired
From my screams and internal cries
My brain makes me scared
To go to sleep every night

I'm always forgotten
Or in the way
Who knew my most feared bully
Would be here to stay

I've tried to run away
But there's no escape
I think about the jump
Taking a leap of faith

Into a world with no light
Just pitch black everywhere
Until my heart speaks its voice
And realizes it doesn't want to be there

My most feared bully
The worst of them all
Will continue to beat me up
Until I fall

I may be quiet
I may soon fall
Because my brain has turned
Into the most feared of them all

Trigger Warning: mention of suicide*


Rain
The pitter-patter on windows
Like a rhythm that's just slightly out of sync
But makes a tune nonetheless
Tiny droplets of polluted liquid
Can make a better beat than my heart
I am broken and left behind
Like a porcelain doll that takes abuse from a 7 year old
I feel unwanted
Yet I see my friends' smiles, hear their laughter
Trying to get me to join the conversation
But my eyes
They grow blank
I have daydreams of when we talked
When we knew each other
The days on the playground
The nights we'd look up at the stars together
And hold each other's hand when no one was looking
We were the other's secret
Locked in a closet
That suffocated us
Grabbing us by the throat until we no longer breathed for ourselves
We were all the other had
We were all the other needed
We were all the other wanted

But fate will find ways to break you
Kick you until you're halfway to Hell
We were separated by parents who didn't understand
They said we were "too attached" to each other
That we needed to distance ourselves
I told you to stay strong, to believe that we could meet again
You told me to never forget

Separated by those who didn't understand
Your last words to me were to never forget
But as your suicide date rings in my head
Burns through my eyelids as I try to sleep
I see myself forgetting your face more and more
And I fear that one day I'll fail you
And forget those days at the playground
Those nights holding each other's hand
Our reflection in the rain

PLEASE READ THIS!!!! This poem has triggers mainly of bullying and suicide. If you are triggered by either of these things, please don't read! I don't want anyone to hurt themselves!! :)**



My reflection
Staring back at this corpse
Nothing left but an empty soul
Picked at by vultures
Preyed upon
Until nothing was left but skin and bones

Why am I your target?
What have I done?

You have no answer
Yet you laugh in my face with your friends
Degrading me to nothing but dust
Suicidal thoughts enter and exit the empty space my brain used to occupy

But I don’t think anymore
I don’t speak anymore
I don’t care anymore

I walk and walk saying nothing
My mouth sewn shut with invisible string
Like a puppet
I act out my everyday life for you
Pretending everything’s okay
With an inviting smile and eyes filled with some kind of hope
Yet when I go home
I sit and stare at my options

Rope
Blades
Meds
Guns

All in my possession
Wishing I had the power in myself to end it

But there is a voice
Soft but clear
That strays me away
Tells me everything will be fine.

But I never listen to the soothing sound
All I hear is static; the static of all my bullies telling me

You’re ugly
You’re fat
You’re useless
You smell
Too nerdy
Too tall
You’ll never make it
You’re nothing
Why don’t you just **** yourself so we don’t have to see your ugly face around here again?

I’m alone in my house
Find the gun
Sit in my room; the only place where I’ve ever expressed myself
Put the barrel to my head; look around for the last time at memories that will never be finished
Pull the trigger

My skin with all the acne
My feet for being too big
My height
My style
My nails
My weight
My shyness
My uncleanliness
My work ethic
My weight
How I play my instruments
My physics grade
My hair
My personality
My smile
My teeth
My chest
My weight
My divorced parents
How my mom expects too much
My sloppy handwriting
How I can't express my feelings
My weight
My weight
My weight

That's all my mom seems to mention
Not my outfit
Or my oily hair
But my weight

She tells me to love myself
But how can I
When the person I look up to the most
Is always trying to change me

When you look at me,
What do you see?
A tall girl?
The nerd with glasses to match?

When I look in a mirror
I see a disgrace of a human
An atrocity
A monster parents tell their children about at night.

I have cuts and scars
That no one will be able to see.
I have bruises
Where I just went with the punches.

Going home and seeing scarlet
Is now a routine for me
Where everyday
I always hurt myself for being unique.

My mental health is deteriorating,
And soon my friends will leave me behind.
When they realize the truth,
I'll be waging a war alone.

Without an army,
A beaten and injured soldier is sure to die.
So it makes sense for them
To end it themselves.

All I hear are comments
Inside my brain
Criticizing me for my flaws
Killing me from the inside out.

I've already succumb to submission.
I no longer try
And if I don't try,
I'll never fail, never miss someone's expectations.

So it's best this way.
I'll stay a zombie, with the dead stare
But all I ask
Is that you **** me slowly.

It cannot be as painful as what I've been through
What I've heard
What I've been told
Who I am

Because everything's better
Then who I've turned out to be.

"Is this really how you want to present yourself?"

I know I'm fat
I know the clothes are clinging to my body rolls
I know I have a muffin top
I know that I have to shop in the "big" section

Because my body was never good enough
And in those rare moments when it was enough for me
Someone would make my confidence
Crash to the ground

Even if I like the clothes
Even if I like shape
My body will always fail for being
"too big"

If I stop eating, will it be enough?
If I go to the gym until I faint, will it be enough?
If you can see my ribs, will it be enough?
When will I be enough for you ...

Mom

I'm told it takes less muscles to smile
Yet I frown more

I have friends that want to hang out
Yet I stay in my room

The sun shines outside
Yet I hide in my shadows

I was born to live
Yet I long to die

You
With your brunette hair
And warm eyes
A smile that wins me over

I've talked to you twice
Hearing your voice keeps my attention
Every laugh
The cheekbones rising up your face

You live a country away
On the opposite coast
The thought of hugging each other
Keeps me breathing

A hug
A simple act of friendship
That will make me at home
To feel safe

You always make me feel safe
We talk for hours on Twitter
The blue bird our messenger
As it is faster than letters

My biggest fear?
Losing you
We may have only known each other a bit over a month
But the love you share is all I need