what if this is all just one big act?
what if you dont actually feel what you write,
causing me to look a fool
by believing the lies you are spooning into my mouth.
please tell me im wrong.
please tell me you truly feel how you say you do.
please tell me i meant
or mean
something to you.
i hate having to figure it out on my own.
i need to be reassured.
these past few days have been ******* hell for me.
everyday i find something else that makes me need you more.
i cant keep this up.
i hope you cant either.
i know its wrong of me to want you like this
trust me, im trying to change it.
but i cant.
youve proven to me that you are what i need.
pardon my french
but ******* for being so **** near perfect in so many ways.
i dont believe in him,
but ive been praying to god for a sign.
a sign that maybe we can try again
and maybe it will be different.
please give me a sign.
i cant keep guessing.

ive caught myself
dreaming about your hands
and your lips
on my skin.
you are feeding me
your warmth.

the image of you
right there
next to me
is so vivid.
and your touch
feels so real.

but i wake up
and my bed is empty
and my body is cold.

i want
to fall back asleep
so maybe
i can feel your touch again.

even if it is
just a dream.

at this point
i'm getting tired
of not talking
(especially how we used to)

i want to feel
the energy
that your presence exudes.

i miss the excitement
that comes with
seeing your face
and hearing your voice.

what a strange thing it is
to feel as if someone is trying
to communicate with you
in the most uncommon
and particular ways.

maybe youre too scared
to face the reality
of what you did.

maybe youre more weak
than you make yourself
out to be.

whatever it may be,
i notice.
i can analyze
and interpret
and find the meanings
of everything.
dont think i wont know
its about me.

from my point of view
all of this would be so much easier
if you would just ******* talk to me.
the back and forth
the petty and childish posting
is unnecessary.

in all honesty
i want you to talk to me.
i want a civil relationship,
not all of
whatever you are trying to do.

until then,
"stay out of my way"
and let me be okay.
okey dokey, if you will.

imagine having an allergy
to your favorite fruit.

you never want to stop
eating it
because its your favorite
of every fruit
youve ever tried.
but every time you do
it is followed by
pain
and regret.

you take your medicine
to ease the reaction.
hopefully this is
the last time you taste it.

however
your favorite fruit
is addiciting
and that will never
ever change.

neither will your love
for your favorite fruit.

as i sit in my cold
dimly lit room
i try to focus on
the soft pitter-patter
of rain hitting my window
but i cant stop thinking
about you.

as i sit in my cold
dimly lit room
i try to focus on
the dark butterfly
fluttering about in my backyard
but i cant stop wishing
you were here with me.

as i sit in my cold
dimly lit room
i try to focus on
the crackle of the old record
i hear coming through the speaker
of my player
but i cant stop
replaying our conversations
in my head.

as i sit in my cold
dimly lit room
i try to focus on
everything
except you
but i cant
stop.