At the other end of the line i'd hear you humming
and when I'd point it out you'd apologize and you'd
let silence create a void.  You'd tell me to speak or hang
up but all I wanted to say is that I didn't want you to stop
and I never wanted you to apologize.  I was always calm
with you on the line, even in our silence.  I miss your hymns.
Why did you stop calling?

I was angry at you for a while,
really very angry,
and that blinded me from all that you are,
that blinded me from all that I love,
now today I passed that anger,
today I grew to be content,
and now I miss you,
miss you so much,
I know I don't need you,
I've been just fine without you,
but I want to be there,
I want to.
I miss you.
My friend.

I know it means nothing,
but my heart is fluttering in my chest
because of those silly words that you said.

I need to find reality,
*but for now I'll ride this high.

I think i'm going to
leave her for a while.
Let her miss me,
you know?

Part One
Cold wind rushes in beneath the cracked
window that was never fixed after you threw
that rock through it in a fit of anger when you
were drafted to the war in your mind,
the one that leaves us silent for days because
your pride keeps your jaw shut tight though
we surge with energy from the tension of our
love that dances around us and teases us with
the knowledge that one day we will come around.
I leave the broken window open now so when
you return again I’ll hear the pebbles
crunching beneath your feet as you make your
way up to the door, fumbling through your
pockets looking for the keys.  You won’t need
them, you know, because I’ll meet you at the
door before you even try to open it.
I have a cold from the draft coming in through
the window.  You’ve returned from the war
but I know it’s never over.  You’ll stay here
with me until you’re drafted again.  I’ll
savor each moment with you until then.

Part Two
I bury my face in your collar bone and I hide
my tears with the sniffling cold.  I have missed
you, I always miss you.  These days I have
with you are too precious to take for granted
I know my time is limited, you always leave,
duty calls, I can’t make you stay, I gave up
trying.  You go to war, you come back again,
you come back for me but there’s always
the draft.  The one through the window, the
one for the war, the constant reminder our
minds can’t ignore.  You come back for me
you always do just like I’m always fighting
for you.  One day the war will be over and
we’ll both see the sunlight from behind the
smoke and together we can close the window.

when i think of you
i think of the stars.

It is as if someone has taken every
single one of my poems about you
and plastered them all over the walls
in my room.

Every which way I turn I see my words,
my feelings, on display for anyone
who cares to see.

I want to tear them down, but they are stuck,
they are forever, they were real feelings,
they were put into words,
by my own two hands.

I feel as if I have betrayed you,
I didn't mean to,
I want the best for you,
but now I am so afraid to lose you.

Stay in my life,
I will find a way to get these poems
off the walls,
I will find a way to make the feelings
disappear.

Let me stay,
I want you near,
everything is wrong,
you misunderstood,
I couldn't help it,
my heart felt too quick.

The poems are bleeding,
the ink is evaporating,
you're breathing it in,
it's a poison.

I have betrayed you,
make it stop,
i'm losing control,
I can't stop the words from melting,
your words are cold as ice.

Let me stay,
it can change,
we will find a way.

There may be no fire,
but that doesn't mean
there is no substance.

I'd like to be buried deep beneath the soil,
six feet under no longer breathing; no more toil.

My lungs are tired,
my heart carved out,
no one listens to me scream and shout.

My darkest fantasies ignite in my skull,
cutting, biting, drowning, I want it all.

Give me the pain I need to feel alive,
then leave my side as I slowly die.

No, I'm here.*

          That's not what I want to hear,
          what if it's never enough for me?

I no longer remember your scent,
but if it were to pass under my nose,
it would be as familiar as the back of my hand.

Not fighting it,
letting it happen,
letting the darkness of the water fill your lungs,
letting the weight push you down,
sinking slow at first, faster as you lose consciousness,
no pain, just numbness,
thoughts being erased,
your soul escapes your body,
now you are free.

The fireworks in the night sky
only remind me of the feeling I get
when your skin brushes against mine.
*You could light up any dark sky.

Can someone please help me?
I have this girl here.
She is bleeding right from
the heart.
I can't seem to find a band-aid
big enough to stop the blood
from pouring out of her chest.
She is screaming. Please help me.
I need to make her better.
Someone please, tell me which
bandage to use. Someone please,
get me the first aid kit.
Please help me fix this girl.
Please.

Your name on my lips
sends my blood coursing through me
rushing, **bleeding out

Resting my head on my hand,
the ticking of my watch takes my
focus away from my lonely heartbeat.

*Tick, tock, tick...

I haven't written your name in so long,
though I've been uttering it for days.
My distractions from you have come and gone,
now I'm left with fabricated memories,
dead-end hopes and fantasies.
I stopped writing poems months ago,
when you left the metaphors faded,
now my eyes have reopened and are
searching for signs of black tulips,
but spring is long gone,
Earth has turned golden.

He kissed the ocean's surface,
sent his love right out to sea,
because his lover left him
in the heart of Italy.

I wish i knew you then,
where have you been, my friend,
i'll carry you in my pocket,
closest to my heart,
you'll never be forgotten,
i want you with me always,
keep you safe and warm,
no other can be of harm to you,
i love you truly, honest.
my name is yours to keep,
hold it against me if need be,
love, you're mine,
i'll give you all of me in time,
i never want me back,
i trust you fully,
my heart's for you.

Fame? Who cares? Not me.
Fate? Maybe. Luck? No. But you,
You are wonderful.

This skin is alive,
but I wish it were rotting
beneath the soil,
roots forming between
my rib cage,
rain draining the blood
from my veins,
birds stealing hair for
their chickadees pillows,
insects burrowing behind
old kneecaps.

*This life has no meaning so I give my life to those who could use it.

Reading in the grass,
my head resting on your chest,
one hand in my hair,
my head rises and falls,
as your lungs take in my scent.

You put the book down,
roll us over on our side,
I pull the grass out of your hair,
your hand falls down the length
of my spine.

No distractions,
just me and you,
my body against yours,
we've nothing better to do.

Your hand wanders under my shirt,
now it finds my breast,
my face buried in your neck
and I lose my breath.

I'm under you now,
your eyes wild,
hair's a mess,
I can feel your heart beat with mine,
like they will jump right out of their chest.

The heat of the sun keeps
our bare bodies warm,
and your teasing lips leave
me begging for more.

The scent of the flowers
(or is it just you?),
sends me to the most euphoric places
I never before knew.

Now i'm in control,
couldn't wait any longer,
you deserve to be pleasured,
lay you gently on your back,
now you're all mine to forever treasure.

Kissing the parts of you that you despise most,
letting you know just how beautiful
you truly are,
wordlessly caressing your soft skin,
my lips moving down,
your heart caving in.

You let out a sigh,
a breath of fresh air,
I know you want more,
your muscles tense,
now i'm sure.

As far down as I'll go,
I look up for approval,
your eyes look longing,
your body's agreeing.

I lower my head to your sweetest scent,
i'm hungry, my heart's been starving,
you're feeding my love.

Your body, it shakes,
reacting under mine,
your muscles releasing the darkness,
allowing the light.

My lips find yours,
a breathless, 'I love you'
comes in through my teeth,

nothing left but the fluttering
of butterfly wings in our ears
and the hum of two heartbeats
releasing lovers' fears.

Stay away, it's not like
you were ever here before.

From my soul I cast my light,
upon the world and silver night,
I dance among the calla lilies
and throw my head back with delight.

Hello, you,
I cannot sleep,
you fell fast
before I could
even say goodnight.
I hope your dreams
are sugary sweet,
like eating
candied apples
with views
of autumn leaves.
I'll let you rest
your little head
upon your warm
and cozy bed,
no disturbance
from me, you'll see,
instead i'll leave this
poem here for you,
the one you'll never read.

Cracking ribs beneath rotting flesh,
punctured lungs from shattered bone,
losing breath beneath lover's grip,
the heavy burden of accusations thrown.

When I look at your poems
sprawled out on the page,
my eyes form constellations
out of periods and comets out of commas.

*Writing to rid yourself of the pain,
light shines through at the ending of each rhyme.

Slicing my arm open,
what a lovely thought,
red blood oozing out of every cut.
But i'll never have the courage,
instead i'll lay and dream,
pretending death will soon come,
whispering in my ear,
as I walk into the city street,
standing in the middle with no fear.

She thinks she is a ghost
but she cannot see that her body carries
the soul that nourishes the universe from within.

Through your fingertips I feel your soul,
the sensation sends my blood surging through my veins,
straight into my beating heart.
I will rip my chest open,
cracking through my ribs,
and let my intoxicated blood rush into the palms of my hungry hands,
just so I can have a taste of your sweet, sweet spirit.

Wrap your arms around me,
fill my body with warmth.

I don't know what to do,
as I wade helplessly through
these murky waters,
because I fear that you have
once again slipped through the
cracks of my foolish fingers,
and the darkness of the swamp
has returned as I am left
grabbing the muggy air
where I know I will not find you.