I give you my heart.
Here, take it. Rip it from it's
seams. Teach me to bleed.

If that's not enough,
sink your fingers deep within
pull apart sinews.

Are you satisfied?
No? Me neither. I want more.
I'm not yet hollow.

Drain this blood; warm, red,
from these small veins. Leave me cold.
For you, my soul, dear.

Lying in the grass,
gloomy skies above,
feelings of emptiness,
eyes don't focus,
staring blankly,
not even staring,
drops of rain fall from the sky,
not feeling them hit your skin,
not even flinching,
nothing.
I am nothing.

I found strength
in all the pain that you caused.

I need you.  You have invaded my heart
like an army looking for bloodshed in the
most important battle of the war.
You have left my heart ripped open,
dripping the hot blood of the most crimson
red the world has ever seen.
My veins are reworking themselves to spell
out your name.  Look closely,
you can see them through my translucent skin.

I'm reaching out for you but the air is cold.
The oxygen that fills my lungs smells of only ice.
No one is near, you're so far away.
I can't stay with you.  You are warm, I am cold.
You're wrapped up and I'm abandoned.
You sleep well with the ghost of another,
I don't sleep. Empty spaces in my bed,
empty spaces in my heart.

Don't talk to me like that; I can't take it.
I fall.  Don't talk to me.  I can't take it.
I fall. Each word that comes out of your mouth.
I trip on it, I lose my grip. I fall. My balance lost
forever with you. I fall. I'm in love. I fell.
And i'm still so cold.
And my heart is still bleeding.

As I stand on the platform edge in the city where no one stops for anything,
I wonder if they would stop for me if I threw myself into the air,
bursting into a million pieces just as the train sped through,
making every single one of my dreams come true.

Would they stop and watch,
would they scream in fear,
would they stare in awe,
would they see me shine?

A million stars died to make me whole,
imagine what I could create as I let my soul escape,
as my remains fall softly to the faces of passerby's,
whether it be my own blood or their own tears,
that feeling, that emotion, the life, the death,
imagine the impact I could make,
imagine the life I could create.

*Walk in the way of my soft resurrection.

I ****** it up,
I just wanted you here,
to stay with me forever,
I just want you near.
You stayed with me, I know,
said you weren't going to go,
but you feel the pressure now,
want to leave but you made that vow.
I ****** it up,
don't know what to do,
don't want you to feel trapped,
do you want me to let go of you?
Your hands aren't shackled,
just say the word,
I'll walk away slowly,
once your wishes are heard.
I ****** it up,
but I just want you to know,
no matter what you decide,
my love for you will never die.

I feel like this is all I write about,
and it makes me sad,
it makes me want to stop writing,
but it also makes me want to keep
writing.

I don't write to please anyone but
myself. If I did what would be the
point of writing? It is for me.
And if others are kind enough
to read my words and enjoy them,
then I am grateful to have written
them. And if they do get annoyed
that I keep writing about the same
subject over and over and over again,
then they may kindly stop reading
my poetry.

But look here, I have
somehow managed to create this
arrangement of letters and words to
be about something entirely different.

I should be proud of myself. But I am
not. Because if I'm honest with myself,
then I would know that this is just a poem
talking about how I should no longer write
poems about you, making this very poem
about you too. I just can't win.

They say, "they're just words,"
and they say, "they're just numbers,"
so then why the hell do I feel myself getting older,
and why the **** can I feel your rhymes in my bones?

They may be just words,
and they may be just numbers,
but they are killing me,
thinning my skin right down to my bones,
shedding off layers until there's nothing left,
my mind is a mess I can't make it stop,
this illness consumes me and leaves me
able to consume nothing at all
except all of those words and all of those numbers.

Sadly, I am those words, I am those numbers.

I left New York to travel the world,
gain a better sense of myself,
change those around me.

I left New York to make a difference,
help the sad and lonely,
spread love, show forgiveness.

I left New York selfishly,
to follow my dreams,
make them reality.

I left New York,
my coffee now cold,
next to my heart,
I miss my home.

Hello,

I'm losing myself again,
it's getting hard like it was back then,
i'm leaving for now, I can't wait for you to say when,
I know this is unexpected based on how good we've been.

You keep me going but you make me fall,
my strength becomes weakness when you come to call,
I can't hold my head up high anymore when all I want is to curl into a ball,
I can't continue to give you my all.

I'll always be here if you need me though,
please don't take this as a hard blow,
i'll be back for you, promise, so don't let go,
I love you too much so I need the pace to slow.

Stay strong for me when life get's rough,
don't give up when you think you've had enough,
you have so much potential and goodness and stuff,
just remember that for me, always stay tough.

I'll be seeing you.

All I wanna do is make you smile,
whatever it takes,
i'll stay with you forever,
i'll be your shoulder,
i'll be your sunshine.

You're out of reach,
how can I find you again?

My lungs burn with the scent of your skin:
      on the subway train, no room to move,
      at midnight, on the pillow beside mine,
      slapping me in the face on city streets,
      eating lunch by myself, choking down the last bite,
I'd rather not breathe at all
      than be forced to breathe you in when you're not around.

She hated that I knew her,
whispered it in my ear,
as my head rested on her lap
and we sat in the fresh-cut grass,
watching the clouds make the sun disappear.
Hiding from the party,
holding onto each others' arms,
we kept each other safe
as we tore each other apart.
When her lips touched mine
for the first and last time
I felt everything we had melt into my fingertips
and **** me inside.
I think she knew that I would die.

My tears are stuck in the ducts of my eyes,
my words are stuck in the back of my throat.
Come here pretty baby, give me a hand,
you set me free, like I am floating above
the cold, wet sand.

When I am with you,
and when I am not,
I can feel your soul radiate,
your smile says a lot.

Who wouldn't be struck
from the beauty you possess,
the light that you illuminate
touches my skin like a soft caress.

My tears are stuck in the ducts of my eyes,
my words are stuck in the back of my throat.
Come here precious angel, give me a hand,
tonight I need you to help me stay afloat.

don't leave me in
           the morning,
stay forever.
           you are my everything.
my world,
           my universe.

Intoxicated.

Together we would be
                   e l e c t r i c
Honest from the juice that
makes our hearts weak
and our minds
                  unforgiving.
Exchanging sweet words
and giggly glances,

Intoxicated by
                    *each other.

I thought i'd be better
without you,
but it's just getting harder
as the days pass by,
the clock ticking fast,
my heartbeats racing past,
your face burning in my mind,
the time is making me blind.

I thought i'd be better
without you,
your soul burning bright,
sends me shivering in the night,
as I rock back and forth,
praying for your words to reach me,
wishing that you'll want to keep me.

I thought i'd be better
without you,
my lungs cease to breathe,
my eyes in searing pain
as my mascara tears fall.

I thought i'd be better
without you,
feelings growing strong,
knowing I can live without you
makes me want to never be,
makes me want to stay,
but not the way that you want me.

I will have to remain without you,
will I fair? *I will have to try.

I want to write a poem,
but I don't know what to say,
just that you won't be able to
talk to me today.

So I send you all my love,
and the happiest of thoughts,
and hope this day is good for you,
because it is my heart that
you have caught.

If love is a game,
then someone will
be the winner and
someone will be
the loser.
A tie game?
Now that's love.

I'm in love,
that's all there is to it,
the feelings will never end,
she's beautiful,
her soul's filled with goodness,
you'll have to take my word,
I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

I have nothing left to do
and yes, I talked to you.
I needed to though,
I was haunted by the
demons of my past that
I fear I will never escape.
I shared them with you
and you listened,
you felt what I feel,
you learned.
Yes, I talked to you,
but now you know me that much more.
I let you peek into the dark
side of my soul.

*Yes, I talked to you, but now you know.

I constantly feel
unwanted by the people
I care about most.

I give them my all,
but it never seems to be quite
enough. So alone.

I am never thought
of; constantly left out. What
do I do wrong?

Am I there for you
too often? Is my advice
not to your standards?

Is my shoulder not
soft enough for you to cry
on? Am I too nice?

What do I do wrong?
Please tell me so I can fix
it. Should I fix it?

Is it me? Or you?
Am I looking at things all
wrong? I'm not too sure.

I just want to be
wanted. Thought of. That's all I
want. It's not a lot.

I have learned that no matter
how many times I say 'I miss you',
you can't come home any sooner.

To be able to tell you all the things I am thinking,
all the ways I want to heal you,
to listen to the stories of how each scar
has been etched into your soul,
this would mean the world to me,
I want to hear, I want to know.

Lying on your side,
your eyes focused right on mine,
I would search the depths,
I would look through the golden brown,
to find that place that you keep hidden,
to see your darkness,
and to fill it with my light.

Soft hands on your cheek,
as I wipe away the salty tears
that fall slowly.
I say, "if you want salt water,
let me take you to the ocean".
Would you let me or would
you walk away?

If only I could tell you,
if only you would let me
show you the love I have for you,
would you understand,
but instead i beg,
"let me hear, let me know".

I may not know you
very well, but I know my
heart is not lying.

I miss you so much,
why is it so hard for me,
to just let you be?
I know you are struggling,
and that kills me because
I am being so selfish just to make
you see how much you mean to me.
Oh my god, you are so beautiful and
I guess that is all I have to say,
all I can say because you leave me
speechless, really.
And so for now I will just miss you and hope.

I am so sorry
you have to go through this. I
wish differently.

I wish everyone
understood that love is love.
Only acceptance.

Maybe you will call.
Maybe you will let me be
there for you this time.

I don't want you to
go through this alone. I am
here for you always.

Tell them how you feel.
Tell them it is not going
to change. This is you.

It does not make you
any less human. You are
beautiful. Unique.

You are their blood. That
is not a choice. Neither is
this. It's who you are.

But you are not here
alone. I am here. We are
all here for you now.

It is alright to
be upset. You are allowed.
It is not your fault.

Yes, others may have
it worse, but you have this to
deal with too. It's fine.

You will get through this.
We are all here for you. We
all love you so much.

I should write about it,
I should write about you,
the way you left me,
your best friend,
without any reason,
with accusations thrown like knives
to protect yourself from the cuts
slashed into my back instead
the scars that spell out your name
veins left severed to bleed
stain my white sheets red now when I try to rest.

Let's build a fort out
of pillows and blankets
and holey sheets and stuffed
animals and couch cushions.

Let's go climb some trees
and jump in a strangers
pond with all of our clothes
still on.

Let's go catch the fireflies
in the middle of an open
field on the  hottest
night in July.

Let's dance around campfires
and drink until we fall over
into the grass.

Let's fall asleep in the dewy
green as we look up at the
stars trying to figure out our future.

Let's stay this way forever,
let's never grow old,
let's grow young together.

I could write you day after day,
week after week,
month after month,
but nothing compares to the scent
of your skin when I am holding you
in my arms,
and a tiny envelope with words written
in my handwriting,
addressed to your house,
with your name scrolled on the top,
will never be enough for me,
because that is only a smile from your lips,
that touches your eyes,
and though I may send these letters to
you for that sole purpose,
I still do not get to see it happen,
and you are still not wrapped up in my arms.

Don't fall asleep on me anymore,
I want to talk to you forever.
I miss you when you're dreaming,
and my dreams don't satisfy my hunger.
So please, let your eyelids fall no longer.

As a bird sings in the heat of summer,
confident and proud with balanced harmony,
free to fly on the breeze so slight,
so does her laugh ringing true to her spirit's light,
the passion inside of her burning so bright.

As the sea rises and falls like the moon each day,
bringing forth the sun to reveal flowers blooming on trees,
petals fall effortlessly from each outstretched branch,
just as her eyelids, fluttering shut with silent dreams,
as the night begins and moonbeams fill her face with ease.

What do we know of that is infinite?

                My love for you,
                the time I want to spend with you,
                the way I gaze at you as you pretend not to notice,
                the laughter shared when our bodies have lost the energy necessary to form coherent sentences,
                your apologies for things that never need apologies,
                how you accuse me of passing judgement when in reality every detail of you that I discover sends my heart into shock,
                your scent,
I want your scent in my lungs *infinitely.