One beer and then another,
adults standing in a circle;
Life always seemed better.
Sat in the corner with the other kids;
watching how they smile and cheer while they chugged another.
Thought to myself: “When I grow older, I wanna be just like them; smiling and drinking and always happy.”

Time passed and I turned 18.
Had my first beer;
wasn’t as good as it seemed.
It was bitter and sad;
yet the adults always seemed to want another.

Couple years fly by.
Was invited to a party;
seemed like a good time
We adults stand in a circle;
jolly as we talked about our lives.
Beer after beer;
it seemed like a great time.
Yet deep within;
something felt missing.
Smiles and cheers;
yet no one seemed happy.

That’s when i realised.
The beer was bitter;
but not as much as our lives.
We smile and drink;
to feel something—
or at least act like we do.

Out of the corner of my eye,
a kid stares—
with the same glimmer I had in my eyes.

Her smile as bright as the sun,
the perfect girl i would never forget.
Went by the swing that we met,
went to our favourite coffee shop,
ended on the beach of our first honeymoon —
I wish this day would last forever.

She leans over and quietly whispers,
“It’s time to let go”
She walks towards the water,
slowly walking deeper.
Yet i sit there; staring there,
her figure getting smaller.
In the blink of an eye, she was gone —
It was too late to feel forlorn

Why didn’t i stop her?
25th August 2005
I miss her

Putrid,
Repulsive,
Disgusting;
is but human nature.

A deceitful smile brings hurt;
yet a frown brings concern.
No one is out to get you;
yet no one is there to help you.

I want to be great;
a human without hate.
Am I worth something;
worth at least a couple of glances.
Before I die, I want at least a goodbye.
Humans are horrible —
yet I crave their attention.