i heard a poem tonight.
it wasn't long,
and the words were gentle,

but it shook me to the core.
i've never been so
traumatized
by words,
words from strangers.

i've never bitten off all my nails
due to 3 minutes of speech.

this poem reminded me of
you.

you're the one who i think about every night before i sleep,
you're the one who i wish i'll never see again.

your smile
  and your wicked games
    haunt me.

they make me feel sick in my own skin,
they make me feel at loss,
and guilty.

three years is a long time
a long time i wasted
letting you take advantage of me.

letting you?

i fought back, of course.
i would kick,
or threaten to scream,

but your threats were laced thicker,
your manipulations were solid,
   there was no going back.

i remember tearing at my own skin,
and holding my breath,
hoping you wouldn't notice my presence.

you always did.

i remember how happy i was
when you would leave
and how much i dreaded your return.

i didn't have anything,
i was just a shy kid who didn't have a story to tell,

and you were the one everyone listened to.
the one who was always on stage.

ms. perfect would never ****** another child, now would she?

no,

of course not.

I ask you for a smile and you hand me a crushing blow.
I turn to you for comfort from the pain you have caused in hopes that you will embrace me and erase the tear stains from my face, you run a blade of anger and bitterness in my heart.
And then, for only a moment, you will reach to me with the promise of love, you are in need of love, support and encouragement.
I will not hesitate to freely give it, even knowing that you will turn savage once again and devour the heart that lifted you up.
I hear your voice please to me for patience, understanding and guidance; all of which are immediately delivered and once you feel result you decide I need to be punished for loving you.
I offer you repeated opportunities to quiet the raging storm of agony and anger, but I am struck until I bleed for being so arrogant to assume that I could help you with love.
If you loved me you would stop whipping my already shredded skin and heal my wounds with the love and peace you keep promising......some day.
I beg you for mercy and give you unconditional love, and your response?
Ultimate rejection coupled with one more emotional assault.
Have I not bled enough? Are there not enough gaping wounds in my soul?
Where is your heart burried that you refuse to see me lying weeping on the floor asking for mercy and only for you to accept my heart and me?
How is it that you could find my soul's deepest desire insufficient?
I mourn the death of my hopes for us, and have only dreams left of the man I fell in love with.
Broken

I will scream into the void with you. Take my hand, let me calm your fears.I will weave my words into a shelter, a place of grace for your troubled heart.

Walk with me until the stars dim forever, until the sun implodes and only dust remains. I am here with you, there with you. Let my tangled thoughts be your remedy, your darkest dreams my salvation. Take my light, for I would rather walk in darkness unending than see the weight of sorrow on your pretty brow.

You are my privilege, my haven, my friend, this will always be, as long as there is breath I will use it to sing of my wonder at your strength and my joy at your existence.

If you believe in nothing else, I beg that you believe in me

Your eyes are like a rolling inferno.
As I stare into them i feel something eternal.
The most beautiful eruption of my heart.
You give my love a kick start.
You have such eyes of wonder.
They look like pure thunder.
In sky's of such beautiful blue,
and as amazing as morning dew.
Teasing the God's to sing something new.
God could not work more true.
Then to make someone as beautiful as you.

A day will certainly come
As sure as we breathe
When our creator will ask of us
What we did to aid the oppressed

On that day
As surely as who created you
Created me too
It will not be about religion but humanity

When carefully planned and organised jets
Launched rockets
To bomb populated refugee camps
Schools and apartment blocks

At a defenceless opposition
Without an air force or navy
Heavy weapons or artillery
Command or armour

That's not war
It's ******
It's cold blooded massacre
As a woman shot in the stomach
Gives birth to a cold blue baby
And a world across oceans changes channels tuning in to the next world cup champion

It was never about taking sides
Israel vs Palestine
There is a truth
To which we must remove the blindfold of ignorance

Searching for a voice of right
Amongst the cries of pain hatred and anger
The sign in a city
Where there is too much to see

Finding peace amongst people who are not ours
Because I see hypocrisy of nations
Who stand for human rights
But only when the human shares a matching ideology

I see hypocrisy amongst media
Where a million wounds and shades of blood
Are inked into black and white letters
Today I read 'An Israelian was killed whilst a dozen Palestinians died'

They turned humans into numbers
Quantitative data
They couldn't possibly de-sensitize it any further
I mean look at the verbs in which they phrased that  

I see hypocrisy amongst Muslims
Who stand equal and united
Yet they too turn backs when the interest is not beneficial
And the pitiful nation falls divided

Whether it is a prayer
A strike, a boycott or vigil
A protest or petition
Maybe even a donation

There's a thousand ways to help
But very few who do
So what did you do?
Was it out of sight out of mind for you?

Thunder roars, flashes of white-lit skin appear then dissipate as chaos takes form.

Heavy raindrops cool our searing skin but not our heat. We are existence, we are all that lives and breathes within this moment.
Will you take my confession as I take to my knees? begging to be cleansed, aching to be whole and not wanting.

Will you take my sacrament with your liars tongue, let it linger as I pour and plead unto the raging heavens for forgiveness.
Take my empty vessel and fill it with your longing, too long have I walked in shadow, my edges blurred by shifting darkness and sweet liquor warmth.

Bring me to life, if only in this moment. Fear me, as I fear the shattering of all that I touch and we shall rage amidst the fury, at what is and what can never be.