I have thought about suicide probably
More times than I should have,
And I've lingered between busy streets probably
More often than I ought to,
Unclicking my seat-belt
Dancing on the edge of
"Should I?" and "When?"

I've emptied orange bottles, prescriptions in hand,
Shuffling the white capsules from mouth to palm probably
More than a dozen times,
And I've lingered on the idea of
"Now?" and "Here?"

I've held myself under bath water, white knuckles clenched and lungs on fire
Probably
More than my body wishes
Humming to myself,
"A few more seconds." and "Keep going."

Hoping one day,
Somewhere,
Sometime,

Should I?
When?
Now?
Here?

The breath before a collision
Moving towards each other,
On a course of inevitability

Our creation was built
On the consequential mathematical
Equation of our impact

But from some miracle,
Here we are,
Skin against skin,
Draped along silk and sunlight;
The loudest moment
Of silence