I searched for you
In the crevices of my mind
Where I hid your songs
and half-meant promises
Forgotten and forgiven
Long ago forsaken
The hateful things I had in my heart
Only to undo the tears and wine
I drowned in
Only to exhume the bones I buried
When you left me
Now I find myself misshapen
My brain all the more bruised
Trying to recall the softness of your being
Thinking I shouldn't relapse
Into the addiction you gave me
But I am helpless in this war
Against my own will and sense
Because despite the scars and the beating
Of my heart when you hurt me
You were the only one
Who made me feel
Alive.

Time
It stops
When I'm with you

The clock
It slows
As I miss you

Forever
Too short
Now I know you

And when I think of you
I feel good about myself
And it doesn't matter if I'm broke
Or if 3am makes me sad

Because when I think of you
I am proud of myself
And it doesn't matter if I'm a mess
Or if some things can't be fixed

As I think of you
And realize all these
I fear for my life

I can't contain these feelings
Or cage them in my heart

So here is my ink, my blood
My skin made of paper,
I surrender all that matters
Please
Don't come to me with matches
Or with the fire in your soul
Because I easily burn.

There is a man who ends his sentences with proper punctuation
the kind of man who has no trouble with pronunciation
His library is filled with varied nonfiction & fiction
His words are refined, only of the highest selection

His days are spent buried in books
Hours upon hours in his quiet nook
The window beside him he never cared look
Adventures and travels, he never took

Content was he with pages endless
His imagination wild, free, limitless
No need to step out where he was defenseless
Words upon words were enough, he says

Of course in time, this man grew old
His only regret was never being bold
Never knew the world was the biggest book he could hold
No stories to tell, only stories already told

1) I forgive you for that one time you slammed the door on my face and made me feel like I was stealing your air and I choked you.

2) The last time you held my hand was when you asked me if the ring still fits because you don't wear yours anymore since you've lost 45lbs through hard-earned sweat and VHS tapes of sugar coated promises

3) The pillow next to mine remained cold and unturned on nights you had to meet deadlines or run errands until 4am

4) It was so obvious.

5) It has always been so obvious.

6) I no longer knew the color of your eyes because you no longer looked at me when we talked-- if we did talk, that is.

7) I still made sure your coffee's the right amount of "Please don't leave me."

8) You sent me a text that said "I love you, Sam" and my body turned into a pile of dust blown away by question after question after question.

9) Sam. That ***** who stole you from me. Sam. That ***** who ruined my life. Sam. That *****. That *****. That good for nothing *****.

10) I forgive you for that one and final time you told me it was over because our love has already faded into wishful thinking and a closet full of secrets I don't even want to hear.

Oh! and 11) I forgive myself. I forgive myself for allowing my own heart to be repeatedly beaten with lie after lie after lie. For letting you think you had your arms twisted around my neck, for believing that I needed you when all along, all along all I needed was knowing that I deserve everything you never gave me, everything you never told me, and everything that you never will be.