If he did not matter
And I did not care
Why does his voice echo in my head
On sleepless nights

Mornings cold, sheets unmade

If he loved me so
And I did not want him at all
Why can I still see his smile
Every time I look up at the clouds

Sun blinding, skin pale

If it was my choice
And his heartbreak, his loss
Why do I find myself
Writing these lines today

Clock ticking, time slowing

If I am unhappy
And he is long gone
I know for sure I'm stuck here
Regretting, longing

I thought I was the one
Who got away
But clearly,
He's the one who got away
With my heart.

Through my neurosis
And impulses
Through my absence
And my lapses
Through my slipups
And my mishaps
You stayed.

And so...

Through your dark days
And your wrong ways
Through your weakness
And your sickness
Through your losses
And your heavy crosses
I will stay.

*I promise.

Warm thighs
Cold nights
Empty bed
Tears shed
Dry hands
Feet untangled
Messy hair
Lips bare
Nervous sighs
Hungry cries
Skin untouched
Fingers unlaced
Moans unuttered
Thoughts cluttered
Wandering soul
Time slow
So slow

This is where we are now
You, holding my hand
And me, holding my breath
Uncertain, unknowing
Uneasy, uncaring
Together, we swim onwards
Drifting ever closer, closer
In this ocean, open water
Finally, *finally.

As I breathed life into your soul
I found myself hollow
Emptied of the zeal I possessed
Before you came
And crossed the narrow bridge I built
For the one brave enough to fall
And you did.

Yet I still feel deserted
As if your coming signaled my sanity to leave
As if you took every last molecule of passion
I have left
And gave nothing in return.

I have so much Love to give
I kept telling myself before You, before Us
And I gave it all

Or threw it all
Away.

I've been collecting dust on the corners of my lips
Until the day you touched my
Hands, knees, shoulders, hips
Parts of me I kept in the dark
So no one can see how easy it is
To find me
And you found this
Mess that I am, that's left of me
And fixed it effortlessly
I allowed your existence
To staple itself into mine
Beautiful, tragic, perfect
Salvaged from my own anxieties
Cradled in the home you built with your arms
Around my waist.
I fell
I kept on falling
And you caught me, timely
Now I'm collecting stardust on the corners of my lips
Wishing you'd never tire
Of holding my hands, knees, shoulders, hips.

"Always"
Is an understatement
For the number of times I think of you

You see,
"Always" doesn't quite understand what it means
To wonder how your smile manages to lock itself
In my heart
And how your voice plays in my head
Like an annoying alarm clock
Whose snooze button I never even care to press
"Always" doesn't understand
The way I see you in every daydream
And the way I fit you into every metaphor
I could ever come up with

So when you asked me if always thought of you
I said, "No."

No, I don't always think of you
I don't have to.