1) I forgive you for that one time you slammed the door on my face and made me feel like I was stealing your air and I choked you.

2) The last time you held my hand was when you asked me if the ring still fits because you don't wear yours anymore since you've lost 45lbs through hard-earned sweat and VHS tapes of sugar coated promises

3) The pillow next to mine remained cold and unturned on nights you had to meet deadlines or run errands until 4am

4) It was so obvious.

5) It has always been so obvious.

6) I no longer knew the color of your eyes because you no longer looked at me when we talked-- if we did talk, that is.

7) I still made sure your coffee's the right amount of "Please don't leave me."

8) You sent me a text that said "I love you, Sam" and my body turned into a pile of dust blown away by question after question after question.

9) Sam. That ***** who stole you from me. Sam. That ***** who ruined my life. Sam. That *****. That *****. That good for nothing *****.

10) I forgive you for that one and final time you told me it was over because our love has already faded into wishful thinking and a closet full of secrets I don't even want to hear.

Oh! and 11) I forgive myself. I forgive myself for allowing my own heart to be repeatedly beaten with lie after lie after lie. For letting you think you had your arms twisted around my neck, for believing that I needed you when all along, all along all I needed was knowing that I deserve everything you never gave me, everything you never told me, and everything that you never will be.