I miss the challenge
Someone to take me on
I miss heat- not warmth
Heat.
I miss wit and snark and sharp
Maybe even some deceit.
I miss lust.
I miss the simpler uncertainty.
Of whether or not they'd love me.
I miss the butter and the flies and the challenge of someone who dared to challenge me.
I miss maturity. I miss a man who would always be older than me.
I miss the hand I couldn't see leading me to what was never meant to be.
I miss being right when I wasn't supposed to be. I miss him.
I miss the power.
I miss the struggle.
I miss being small, trying to be tall.
I miss proving the excellence of everything I did.
I miss the praise from the audience.
I miss the ability to choose.
The ability to lose.
I miss the crew that always knew I was the ****. Hit or miss.
I miss the fire and the unguilty ability to tell a faceless name "no".

But I can't anymore. Because he's good for me.
I have to say yes.

Try to love
anyone who needs it
who looks a little alone
and try love yourself
cause you can't see their goodness
until you see your own

I have no reference
No ability to see
If this is perfection
If you are the best one for me

Your gut is loud and confident
That I am the one you seek
But how can I know that
You are the best Fish in the sea?

It is not the present I fear
But the future I can not see
Will a random stranger suddenly come
And sweep me off my feet?

Will years of happy marriage thrive
For all eternity?
Or will passion wilt away for all
And split our family tree?

I want to be believe you'll always be my cup of tea and we'll get our happy ending.

I hate this feeling that all is ending,
This waking fear that my heart is finally breaking.
A snap and a crack as the work breaks,
A scream and a tear as my ache blazes.
          I am moving in shallow phases.
                    The moon above is casting these mazes.

I reel in fear that your touch is gone,
I ***** these words always laced with love.
A moment of fear before everything changes,
A rend in my soul as my body cries.
          A year and fifteen more filled with these lies.
                    My eyes are blown wide in the light from your skies.

You are far away, so far away,
As my eyes bleed gold I have to play every scale.
I could stay on that field of stars forever with you,
Under the smoke my voice will still shake.
          Forever and ever my soul will ache.
                    I am so afraid that even with this distance my love will not break.

i think about the songs i wish i could write about you
deep and sweeping words that would compare your eyes to the sky and your laugh to starlight
compare the curves of your body to the most breathtaking places in the world and every childhood story you've told me to yards of silk folded and stored reverently in the attic of my head, on the shelf closest to my eyes so i'll remember them always
but then i remember that
these verses tied to your wrists with delicate, translucent chords
while they may make the tide trace currents in the lines in your face
they will not make your heart collide with mine