One day I was asked, “what is Happiness?”
Words could not make its way out of my lips,
Ideas could not be constructed inside my head,
There was pure silence apart from the heavy sighs I was emitting,
I was totally dumbfounded.

But being a disturbed thinker that I was,
I began to sail in the rivers of my mind
And flew across the freeways of my thoughts.
I searched for the answer desperately
And I wouldn’t stop until I meet him face to face.

I came across Money.
He said he could me give me anything and bring me to anywhere.
“That is what happiness is all about – having everything and being everywhere”,
he told me. And I nodded.
Money must be right; he must be my happiness!

“No!” Knowledge screamed in complete disgust,
“With me, you will find all the answers you wish to seek!”
I could be someone, she guaranteed
And I would see things that others could not see
I would be superior above all mankind and that must be what happiness is about!

Relationship then came like a devouring fire,
“How dare you listen to them!” he said with a sting.
“I have been with you from the moment you set your eyes upon the world
Families, friends, beloved – without me, you won’t know what joy is
I am your only happiness.”

To be fair, I made a company of them all,
But all failed to give me a satisfying answer.
Money blinded me about the importance of little things.
Knowledge consumed my heart and brought me so much pride it led to my downfall.
Relationship took all of me; didn’t leave anything for myself and run away.

Then He came knocking at my door,
As I was wretchedly crying my heart out.
He told me He knew the answer to my question,
I told Him, “No! I have searched for it
But there was no answer.”

“I am the answer”, He simply said.
“I won’t give you happiness,
But I will make you know and experience it.”
And He did by dying for me 2,000 years ago.

Can you cure yourself of being a *****?
May I **** you if you cannot be cured?
Your boy is a starving pilot
Who strives for another let down
Will you bring him down again?
Will you bring your brother back?

The picture is on hold
And I am withheld within
These million sparkling images
I can no longer understand

I can stay longer than any of them
I'm the withstanding plague
Who sees no toxic love as you
I can sit up all night thinking of
You and them
I could ****** each and every one
Of your petty black gems

right now there are eleven empty containers of alcohol in my bedroom,
but it's fine, i'm fine.
i've been telling myself for more than a year
that i wasn't going to write anymore sad ****** poems about you,
but here we are.
most days i'm sure i don't miss you,
but then i listen to the wrong song,
and before i know it -
i'm screaming along to band of horses in the dark,
stalking your twitter favorites,
and somehow,
i've managed to get snot on my forehead.
yeah, nostalgia is an *******
but not all the memories sting.
there was that one time we went to the movies
and i slipped on some ice and fell flat on my ***.
i just sat there while you took a picture.
but i'm glad we could laugh about it.
i'm glad we were comfortable.
in my head, we still are.
in my head, we're oversized-goodwill-sweater comfortable.
we aren't as comfortable in real life
but i'm glad we still laugh.
this is the part where i don't bring up the time you told me
my laughter could cure your sadness,
because i'm pretty sure i already put that in another poem,
and it makes me really ******* sad.
did i ever tell you i used to play guitar and piano?
i loved them, but i never tried very hard.
i wanted to be good without having to practice.
i wanted to be good without having to practice.
i wanna meet the girl you write about
so i can ask her how she manages not to love you back.
because i've tried everything & i am so tired.
i forgot this wasn't supposed to be a sad poem.
i'm not good at happy anyway,
i never have been.
but in your absence i've learned a lot about softness.
so if i ever find myself back in your passenger seat,
i won't correct you when you sing the wrong lyrics,
i won't ask why when you take the long way home.
i won't ask you why you don't have your seatbelt on,
i'll just say a silent prayer
and watch for signs that you might be about to swerve.
right now there are eleven empty containers of alcohol in my bedroom,
and i didn't find you at the bottom of a single one.

- m.f.

From nothing I became something
From something I became nothing
And from nothing I became a fraction of my former self
Struggling to walk, talk,eat,sleep
Struggling to understand where have I been, and where am I now,
As I attempt to locate my other half
Only to fail for so long
For three years in fact, I ran as fast as I could searching for the thing in something
Only to located more of nothing
Now this is my fourth year,
My senior year has finally come
And now more than ever I am determined to locate my missing thing