Desire. It's the storm cloud that creeps
Across the skull and blocks the light of common sense.
It's the janitor with a hidden agenda
That doesn't allow any light bulb to come on.
A Svengali swinging a pendulum left to right,
Until the mind is at its complete beck and call.

Desire. It reaps millions of butterflies;
Grown in the stomach. Wanting to be free.
It's the cause of the tension in your body.
The tsunami in your eyes. The quaking of the hands.
Most importantly, it's the internal burning sensation
That spreads to become a hole in the heart.

Desire. It's the delicate crumbling of anxiety
That melts with the comforting warmth of relief.
The fire of temptation; burning so sweet
As sweat collects upon victims unknown.
The aching in the muscles, the knocking in the chest
Of a heart whose cavity has been patched up.

Desire. It's the patch that frays over time
And the hole is re-opened. Tears re-flood.
The trembling vocal chords and the cracking voice
That fall like foundations under searing heat.
The eventual destruction and its finality
That hit you with a dull metallic taste in the mouth.

Finally knowing that no matter how bad you want it,
You will never own it unless under its own terms.
Advice? Read the fine print.

we all have our dark sides
sometimes, it turns us
black, cold
complete shallow
and hollow
sometimes, it drown us
and i wonder about my values,
my morals, my beliefs
where did they all go?
Is it a curse
or might it just be my own escape?
this darkness, that i feel
it made me loose myself
and i let it go
of my past, of my bitter realities
as i give myself
to people,
and to all people, of all kind, and race
its not even me
i do realize
yet i can't think more
as i dont know who am i
my heart sinks
and sometimes a lot
just in this moment
when i feel at loss
not feel like moving anymore
and i wonder
why i had to let go?
is it better than before?
this loneliness
that i wont tell
is something more of a soul
and heart
I guess, i just don't enjoy much
this world
or people
and maybe
o my darling, this just my too many thoughts
this darkness, that i feel
and it has no restrictions
as it drown me
completely.

The heart is the same size as the fist. If they are both beating do they serve the same purpose?

What if I told you I was lying?
That all I’d revealed to you wasn’t true.
Meaning that all the secrets and terrors I’d shared,
Were just deceiving words to derail you.

Like the consequences to all my actions,
That I did not admit to,
******* up your life in multiple fashions,
All of which I knew.

Or that time you thought you’d lost your footing,
Landing on the ground,
Was actually me with my hand on your back,
Heavily pushing you down.

I’ve deceived you with my smiles,
Eradicated all your hope,
Made you drink a pint of poisonous water,
And on the truth you choked.

I chased love for so long
Only to realize,
It isn't something you catch
But rather,
Something you get caught by.


- Hadrian Veska