When will this come to an end I can't even cope or get out of bed. Depression still seams to hit me like a semi truck going 200 down the highway at night. It hits me, pushes me down and runs me over. Yet the only thing people do to  help is simply ask me to stand up. You can't just stand up if your nearly dead.

Night terrors of haunting PTSD memories, they trigger me to how I used to be, wake up distraught in tears, a heart full of anxiety, I can't remember but I'm upset, unable to control out of control emotion, crying unable to go back, overwhelmed and left on my own, cant they see I'm the one under attack, a monster in myself please don't tie it to me, a  genetic  disease, my life has little to no ease, needing a release of intense pent up emotion, it was a mistake, I can't believe I've done this. I can't believe I've done this. I can't believe I've done this.

I'm so sorry I'm so sad I love you so much please don't leave me. I'm so sorry I'm so sad I love you so much please don't leave me. I'm so sorry I'm so sad I love you so much please don't leave me. I'm so sorry I'm so sad I love you so much please don't leave me. I'm so sorry I'm so sad I love you so much please don't leave me. I'm so sorry I'm so sad I love you so much please don't leave me. I'm so sorry I'm so sad I love you so much please don't leave me. I'm so sorry I'm so sad I love you so much please don't leave me. I'm so sorry I'm so sad I love you so much please don't leave me. I'm so sorry I'm so sad I love you so much please don't leave me. I'm so sorry I'm so sad I love you so much please don't leave me. I'm so sorry I'm so sad I love you so much please don't leave me. I'm so sorry I'm so sad I love you so much please don't leave me. I'm so sorry I'm so sad I love you so much please don't leave me. I'm so sorry I'm so sad I love you so much please don't leave me. I'm so sorry I'm so sad I love you so much please don't leave me.

It's always been this way, am I able to change?
I was 5 years old and I was in the bath tub of my old house, my mom made the bubble bath and stayed there with me, I took baths because I was too scared to have a shower because my mom could leave the bathroom and I wouldn't be able to hear, I was 5 years old and already feeling overwhelming amounts of anxiety and fear of abandonment,  I was 5 years old and I looked up to my mom and said "mumma I don't think I was ment to be a person" that was 12 years ago and to this day I think **I just wasn't meant to be a person

I lay wanting to have you in my arms
I lay wondering what we would’ve have
I lay in distress
I lay
I wanted to meet you

Depression is everywhere in everyone
Depression is stuck to mankind, an illness
Depression is using drinking as a way to pass time
Depression is telling you no ones going to stay
Depression is the lead to addiction
Depression is an addiction in itself
Depression is deadly
  

*get help before it's too late

I can't feel these fingers anymore
Bipolar mother
Bitter warm
uh.....
I can't feel my fingers anymore
I feel you

I told you I was yours to keep
No you're not dreaming, I slid to sleep
You keep on running, losing heat
Please stop running, rest your feet

I can feel you in every nerve of my body, you've got my hands sweating, my legs shaking and it's you I see when I open my eyes, I reach a moment of ecstasy, I feel you inside, your mouth has dried, I've never felt like this before.

my home is not 4 walls and a bed, it's your eyes and everything in your head..

I don't know why, I've been this way since I was a little guy, I try to find why I sit up and cry, but I just want to die,

“Idk how your new boyfriend stands you”

From what you know I would hate a long distance relationship

From what you know I’m still “toxic as ****”

From what you know “I haven’t changed at all”

But you never new me at all

If that was true why would I be in the most loving relationship I’ve experienced?

If it was true why was I the one blessed by a new loving relationship?

If you knew me at all, you would be happy that I’m happy.


I broke up with him for having an obsession with my sister. Illegally taking pictures of her at my family Christmas..


You never knew me at all

depressed, drunk and disgusting
you inserted yourself to my life with no judgement

you saw the broken pieces that he left me

blessed by you placed into my life. You took out the knife.

I’m worthy of the love you give me. As you are the love I give you. I miss you.

I am utterly undeserving of happiness and contentment

"Baby I would die for you
Don't you re realize take my life for you
Our life is the only thing important to me
I can't breathe when your not right next to me"

It's been six hours and my tears yet again have turned into blood

living in a permanent state of numb. not even living just existing

Anti- anti- social I cry,
Don’t even try,
Scream my nights by

Bring me down never feels like you want me around.
Remember when i would kiss your head?
On my own again. You were always my best friend.
Keep me where you want me. I hold no value.
Every day relive the pain.
Never will be the same again.