Here in dense darkness, alone I sit,
and crave for the caressing rays
of thy gentle light, nowhere near.
Out side the balcony netted to
keep the deviant doves away
the city of million lights speaks
in a jumble of numerous sounds.
like my heavy heart, the overcast sky
is a silent observer, holding light back.

The silence within me kept deepening,
every little light in this city night has
a story to tell, I perk up my ears to hear.
Every skyscraper silently exchange
encrypted message of light of many kind,
to one another, written on darkness.

"I don't trust the night,
she is a cheat" says one
The other replies, "Oh! the night
her luxurious dark hair heals"
Within the discordant sounds
what light etch on the night air has
love and hate, sin and redemption.
Neon pauses create a rhythm,
the musical river flows on.
Sitting here inside the cocoon,
I did spin myself and inhabit,
I think I see you there in the distant
blue light, which you yourself embraced

Will you be ever dreaming about my lonely plight,
when you dive deeper in to your dark night?

I see you.
I wonder if you know how beautiful you are.
With the way you smile, the way you laugh.
I like seeing you having fun with your friends.
And I love that you are happy.
It makes me happy, too.
Exploring and discovering places with you.
Profound feeling, knowing that you're only inches away.
I laugh at myself sometimes, for always being nervous and awkward around you.
Because I know I'm not always like this at all.
Only when I'm with you.
The stairs were a pain in the *** but you made it bearable.
See, I don't really care if there's anything to be seen up there.
All I know is, the view ain't worth seeing without you.
And you're just too **** cute when you're ******!
But I do hope that you won't be ****** at me.
There's just so much to see in this beautiful country.
But what I realized was,
I did not come with you to see Taiwan,
I came to Taiwan to see you.

You said you would cook for me
only if I read you a chapter
words heating up the stove

You said my name
washing the dish naked

I spoke of a moment
before the Ecstasy

Eyes folding back
nails digging deep

In that moment
you said my name

Coffee and Eggs
bodies and legs

I said your name
looking over the Sunday paper

Man's shirt on a woman's body
One button buttoned

Tangled

In this coming moment
I say your name

I didn't get
your lick last
on my cheek
or hear you
bark for bye,
but the stare
glassy-eyed
and asking
for revenge
from a child.
I tried peeing
in the steel
bucket used
to fetch water
and then boil
your cut meat
they abused
with salt, but
I just couldn't
make a drip.
The walking
green camou
pants nearby
and the heavy
boots pacing
back and forth
to startle me,
I whimpered,
while the garlic
was burning.

Some weeks after they shot
my father in the face
and my mother in her stomach,
I could feel the joints
of my bones, the ***** popping
in the loose sockets,
all pain, like the ****** of nails,
their rusting in friction.
The same anorexia could be
seen on the scrawny
gait of our dog that had already
forgotten the taste
of fish heads my father grilled
on coconut charcoal,
my mother stewed in vinegar
or I deep-fried to crisp.
Gray, his foreign name, barked
before dashing out
towards the avocado tree not yet
in season, a collision
between a hardwood and a skull,
his body on the ground,
the dimming gaze a quiet begging,
his nod letting me live.

a dictionary definition:
adjective: *conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural.
noun: the average or mean; the standard or type.
non-dictionary synonyms: to fit in; to not be different

                                  I just want(need)(crave)a little bit of normal
                                       just a little bit of remembrance; acceptance

I want to be them:
                       the little boy who's always at the playground after 3, everyday,
                       the lady who comes by to feed the ducks every Saturday,
                       the man who sits watching the trains pass for an hour come 9,
                       the girl who jogs past me every morning at 6:57,

the kind of normal you never actually know but still remember in passing.


I want to be this:
                       to not have people's minds made up the moment they see me,
(because the color of my skin, hair, and eyes is not all that I am)
                       to not have hide myself from people I love,
(not because I doubt their acceptance, but because I don't doubt their acceptance could get them hurt in the long run)
                       to hate English grammar because it's grammar and not because it's English grammar,
(because hating grammar is one thing, being unable to completely grasp the grammar of your second language is another, and not understanding grammar of a second language that should have been (that people mistake for) your first, is another matter entirely)

the kind of normal that lets you be considered as normal, instead of the different that is normal to me.

  
I don't need your pity, or
                      your fake attempts at friendliness, or
                      you swinging me along.
                  
                                        I just want a moment of belonging
                                                  a moment of normal
                        and then it can all go back to being the different I'm used to.