A warrior
Self tamed,
A goddess,
Self evaluated.

A soldier,
Self taught
A carer,
Self motivated.

A friend,
Self moved,
A leader,
Self less.

Beauty comes in many shapes and sizes,
from wall street sharks to grumpy misers.

Models that grace runways and billboards,
when they speak could hypnotize hoards.

Actors that could dazzle and make you swoon,
Energy changes when they light up the room.

But does it matter when you are cold at night,
you could have it all but are you polite.

Does it match up when your baby grabs your fingers,
when over dinner a future lovers stare lingers.

When you turn and see they walk down the aisle,
together on the journey through every dark mile.

When their crinkled smile is shot at you,
did it matter who wore it best in two thousand and two.

Now the night is coming and your world has lost some light,
Ask yourself did you love, be loved, and were you polite

Looking for good in all the bad places,
searching and meandering,
forlorn for so long.

Hearing a song in a room of silence,
straining and deciphering
only to realize it only sounded like music.

Draining others for what I already had,
pilfering and pounding
when it was inside all along.

Live happened,
From moments of bliss to thoughts of
your actions don't scream rainbows and unicorn tears.

Love happened,
from hopeful futures to dreams of
what can I do to get by double bed back.

Tears happened,
from overwhelming sadness to notions of
even the nano second between the blinks is too much time missed.

Trauma happened,
from seizures of crippling doubt to musings of
how much time can I waste before I am not bored.

Strength happened,
from not leaving the bed for fear of trying to waves of
lil' old me did big all that.

*** happened,
from intertwining explosions of life to pleads of
just take me away from my self for five minutes.

Truth happened,
from realizations that we never actually had a clue to knowing
that a word can shatter everything quicker than a bullet.

I would have it every other way,
the love has gone, flown off
our marital bed is just another
grave to be robbed.

The last time I tried you shouted
"Look at me, what part of me screams roses."
You have worn me down over the years
So I responded, "I may be an empty shell but I still have feelings."

Bitterness flows hot through my veins,
substituting the burning desire and passion
My heart once beat for you.
Only you.

When did it all change I moan
from the wrong side of the closed door.
"Between the blinks" you quipped.
And then I knew.

The ability to bounce back after being ruptured,
to look left to right and have loved ones by your side.

You cannot vanquish demons with tears,
You cannot pay for a ticket outta here with tears.
You cannot rewind the clock and re-live with tears.
You cannot feed the flame internal, with tears.

The courage to do what is right regardless of annihilation.
To realize everyone is fighting for crumbs while the top dog eats the loaf.

You can say good bye with tears,
You can be silent but scream a million words with tears.
You can reinforce joyous moments with tears.
You can wash away the regrets from your face with tears.

To know the right time to shine and hold back to let others bloom
So how will we all face the world today? With a smile or with tears.

Door locked, key slide through the mailbox,
Memories left to scatter in the wind of change,
Mail cancelled, potted plants discarded,
Plans left in favor of someplace better or new.

Photos glanced at and appreciated.
Relics of old at this stage,
Shirts sniffed, folded and placed in the drawer,
Leaving familiar for something better or new.

Beds made for later, letter propped on the table,
against the empty milk jug.
Floor swept, dirt pushed under the rug.
Obligations dismissed for a challenge better or new.


First step taken on the winding staircase.
I thought it would be busier, I guess comfort zones
are final resting places for the content or down beaten
I was once like that but now I hope to be better or new.