Looked in the mirror, nd
I didn't recognize who I saw
I placed my hand on the mirror, and
My jaw dropped in awe

She was skinny and pretty
Everything I wanted to be
I turned away and shed a tear
That isn't me...

I stared at her
For a minute, I think.
I tilted my head, she stood straight
I just saw my reflection blink

I wish it was me
Instead of her,  
I told you how I felt, but
I guess
What I said, was never heard.

Yes,
I am upset!
Yes,
I am hurt!

What hurts the most
Is that I fell in love
With you, but
You'd never know how  I felt

I know that you're happy now, and
That's all that matters, but
Just seeing you together
It makes me feel sadder
Than i've ever been before, and
I can't take it anymore

To you
Did everything mean nothing?
Well, it meant the world to me!

Sometimes I feel
Like I don't belong in this world.
I try too hard, and
I care too little.

No one understands how I feel.
I feel like something in my life
Is missing, but
I just don't know what...

Am I living, or
Am I just alive?

I lie
About my life a lot,
So they don't know
The truth

All I do is hurt
Those who
Are around me

Am I living, or
Am I just alive?

Do you know what it is like
To sit alone?
I know I am hated
By everyone I have ever know.

I almost fought
The tears, and
The pain, and
The stuff, but
Everyone knows
Almost is never enough

Eventually we break down, and
Spill how we feel
For you, it is easy
For me, it is a big deal!

You know,
I cry in the shower
That is why I take an hour
I do not even feel at home
In my own home
I know no one love me, and
I know I will always be alone
Even at home,
I sit alone!

At night,
I cannot sleep
The words you say
They cut me deep
They make me
Feel weak.

You know,
One could only take so much
"We almost saved her...", but
Everyone knows,
Almost is never enough.

The day you are gone
Everyone seems to care, but
No one seems to care
When your were there...

To her, silence was comforting, alcohol was numbing and loneliness was all consuming

She often times scared away her nightly slumber  
Her thoughts grew louder and more chaotic with every tick of the clock
She let her past mistakes consume her
Rummaged internally for answers to her actions that led her here
Lying on a mattress which sat on the carpet of a rundown apartment
Alone

To her, silence was comforting, alcohol was numbing and loneliness was all consuming

She kept eyes open all night looking and thinking and drinking
A lot of drinking to seize the thoughts that drowned her
She traveled back in her dormant state to find events she wished had happened differently Dreamt up memories where she never walked away
Or where she refrained from saying something in an outburst of anger
She was haunted by
Everything

To her, silence was comforting, alcohol was numbing and loneliness was all consuming

Her thoughts had begun to agitate her being Transforming her mind into a whirlwind of anger and helplessness
She sat up at the edge of her mattress with the palms pressed tightly against her eyes, shaking her head in a frenzy
Her hands migrated to her hair, gathering a hand full and pulling
Eyes stung with the tears that began to surface  She took hasty steps toward her counter in search of a bottle to console her for the night
The only thing that put an end to the chaos was
Alcohol

To her, silence was comforting, alcohol was numbing and loneliness was all consuming

Day 1: I want to tear my skin off. My heart is beating so fast i can barley breathe. I feel so filthy.
Day 2: I can't believe this. I don't want to be here. Why did this happen? Why did I let this happen?
Day 5: I guess I drank too much and my friends were to drunk to stop me.
Day 10: I can't face my friends, I can't live my life.
Week 3: No one knows. He hasn't said a word.
Week 6: It happened again, I was sleeping and he did it again. Why did I stay the night? Why didn't I go straight home?
Week 7: He left and kissed me goodbye. I don't know how to feel.
Week 10: My life's out of control, I can't believe whats happening.
Month 5: My boyfriend knows. But not all details. Just thinking about it, makes me want to take a shower.
Month 8: I finally came clean to my friends. They're appalled. They hate him now. I still feel filthy. I can't get his smell off my body still.
Month 11: The anniversary is soon. What am I going to do?
Year 1: I haven't spoken to him in months. I haven't thought about it in days. I still feel as if hes on top of me, why can't I wash him away?

Its an uphill battle with myself and others. Some days I can't get out of bed or even feel like breathing.
But I try not to let him get to me. Because if he sees my weakness from what hes done,
He's won.

I've tried to **** myself so many times, to make it messy. But who knew that continuing to live would be the exact same as downing the bottle of bleach