I am but a creep in shadows living
Plagued by sorrows caused yet still forgiven
I'd like to stop yet I keep breathing
A life desired that's worth living

My insides hurt from troubles past
I'd like to think that the time elapsed
To move forward and its the last
Yet knowing self pain will be back

I could run and hide
Across rivers far and wide
But no matter how I tried
There'll still be feelings left inside

My little teddy
Thrashing around
As toddlers do
for a moment forget
That I've also been through
The terrible two
I hold him close
As he thrashes around
To calm him
And his loud sound
Though he screams as if
He doesn't want me to hold him
But then he'd rather hug
Just like I told him
I couldn't shout
At that boy of mine
Because I need to make sure
He will be just fine
It happens so much
Day to day
But I love my boy
I though I would say

The bed is spent
Much like the time
Emotions vent
While drinking wine

Drunken snuggles
And the lovers gaze
Time apart struggles
I count down the days

Id like to say a thousand things
But I know to well what trouble brings
My heart is heavy sorrow clings
You cannot fly with broken wings

For my son no way to measure  love
No breadth or length or height above
Its controlling I dislike and I've grown sick of
Destroying trust,closeness and things thereof

Time spent between anxiety and elation
Permanently tied to anger of their creation
destroy my life to cause frustration
But you have no chance of my retaliation

I sit and pluck hairs from my beard.
One by one thinning it out.
Replaying old memories in my head.
Dragging myself further to the point  where no matter how drunk I get the sadness is still there.
Hating myself more than I ever have before.
Questioning why I am still breathing when id be better off dead.
Maybe I want to hurt more than I want to die.
I deserve to suffer.
Its hard to be a monster that isn't heartless.
Watching myself hurt those i care about.
What the **** is wrong with me?!
Every single time I encounter happiness I break it.
Like a idiot,a comitmentphobe.
Destroying what could be beautiful silences by having existential breakdowns.
Having to talk through every issue when it could just be a non issue.
I know the past is the past so why don't I leave this behavior there instead of carrying it into every new moment.
There is a reason you don't keep polarbears as pets so why do I hold on to the fool in my head.
God I ******* hate myself.

I sit and think of you with him
Neither of you let go like phantom limb
My mind is dark so thoughts are grim
Love I feel will slowly dim

But that's okay because he's just an ex
Your best friend with whome you've had ***
Knowing this my mind does vex
And our future it effects

I really want you to have your happiness
Never mind about the stress
I'm just far to easy to depress
I'm being childish,I digress

I'm thorbing,hard
She's soaking wet
Intertwined arms a scared
Lest we forget

The sweat in sheets
Lovers spent bed
Pleasantly purchase each
Memory in head

It costs,but time
And a little fluid
After I drink my wine
Room is humid

Flushing hot and cold
Spewing loud and bold
But this hangover is going on hold
As my artwork needs to be sold

Wade you are so handsome
A love that's strong and true
Penny is my baby
She comes to me when I'm feeling blue
Logan is my little bear
Chipping, soft to touch
Sally is so close to me
I love her oh so much
Felix is the trouble
He is the one that knocks
To tell the truth I love all my cats
Even if they do steal my socks

Lack
Of
Vexatious
Ego

Liberation
Of
Valued
Emotion

Life
Over
Vu­lnerable
Entrapment

As to,

Hurts
At
The
End

Harms
Anyone
That
Enters

Hinders
Anything
Trust
Eased

...you know I lay there thinking of your ****
And you know on ****** my throat you slash
If I don't die you know I'm gonna dash

Step out the door bludgeon an **** to death
Strangle a *****,leave her short of breath
Rub my face in Luke warm breast
If she says "Thankyou" she can be my guest

I'll **** every ******* fitty I see
Gotta let that deep wound ******* be
Asking as I got a ******* hottie on me
This is how I define being free

Drown me with you ******* ***
I wanna add more of you for hours for a final sum
Until my **** is numb
And when we're done polish off the ******* ***

Bang the bottle up you ***
I knew you wernt ready *****,you chatting pure gas
An alright looking lass
But between you and the rest,time'll pass

The wound is pain and misery
How deep could this inscision be
Many a thought imprisons me
How I long to be set free

Laid there in a lovers gaze
Tantric energy and visions haze
Press into your lady maze
Make you *** in so many ways

Feel you squirt all up my front
As I press into your perfect ****
I whisper "you're the one I want"
And stroke your skin like a ghost house haunt

Life is much like a pebble beach.
Its a long journey and often painful to walk on.
On this journey we will encounter many beautiful pebbles and out of sheer want we will pick them up and carry them with us.
To often we will end up carrying so many that we hold ourselves down.
Herein lies the answer,sometimes we have to let go to keep moving forward.allowing those we let go to be washed and moulded by the tides of change.

My little Penny grunts
Contractions start
Prepares to bring life forth
That will steal the heart

She picks birthing partner
Her eldest son
Large black tom
The softest one

She slow blinks
To show she needs calm
Waiting by quietly
In case she raises the alarm

I hope these ones survive
Unlike the last
Here's to a better future
Leave the past in the past

Paint a picture so dark that it resembles the night sky without stars.so deep if you fell it would be forever.it ***** the oxygen from your lungs and breaks your bones with pressure.scared with nowhere to hide it feeds on you,you make no sound but only because there is no point.you cannot fight with a picture but it can fight with you,terrify you,break you.anyone else can see its just a picture but they aren't consumed by it,they haven't tasted its venom or felt its bite.the wanting to cut out your own heart or bash your own skull in with a hammer just to make it stop but yeah,they're right its just a picture.
Picturing depression is so much simpler than living with it.

Its not that I'm intent on killing myself
Its just everything I love is bad for my health
Like the potions you can buy from the shelf
Party to death with precision and stealth

Like waiting for sunshine
In the pouring rain
Time,I've done mine
But thoughts still on my brain

There may not be
A sunny side of the street
But I am free
And got a kickin' beat

Perfect curves
Perfect face
Perfect mind
Imperfections,not a trace

Perfect smile
Perfect eyes
Perfect voice
That tells no lies

I love you more
Than words can say
Please be my wife?
If you may

I'm going to say "goodnight" now,
Is that alright?!
I am very tired,
Please,let me turn off the light?!
I don't want to argue,
In my head,there's a fight.
I don't even feel human
Held together with ducttape and aryldite.

Action is worth more than word
The absence of both leads to distance
Relying on only what you've heard
And finally ending in resistance

Push
Falling away
Push
Please let me stay
Push
Colours turn gray
Push
I don't want to play

Razorblade

          Serenade

                    I'm not afraid

                                No more masquerade

                                                     The darker shade

                                                                  Through hell I wade

                                                                                             Until I fade

I caught my reflection,but it was not me,
It was an alternate reality staring back you see.
We waved at one another,mirrored interdimensional mimes,
I thought,"does this happen often & how many times?"
What if there has never been reflection,just a window to a parallel reality?
What if it isn't that at all and this is just an onset for skitzopheria and insanity?

Woke up the beast
It needs to feast
But at least
There is no shortage
For the maniacal
And its viable
That I'll regress
To a state since did pass
I wonder how long normality will last
Do I care?
Can I now?
If so how?
Let out the feeling
'Til I'm numb
**** son
What have I done?!

Every morning he loads a single bullet into his revolver,
He spins the chamber and places the barrel to his skull,
Pulling the hammer back and pulling the trigger in symbiosis.
CLICK
Another day survived.
Some days he isn't so lucky.
BANG
As she fires wrath and rage,his revolver belittles his integrity,he struggles to maintain his cool and leaves.
We tell him playing Russian roulette with a loose cannon is dangerous.
He replies "I love her"
We relate to this vested interest in the notion of affection versus considerable loss of self and wish him luck.

Logic & reason
Can be a shield & sword
But without emotional balance
You shall reap no reward.

Rule yourself wisely
Through action & word
Elseways you shall scream silently
For lack of voice never heard.

Stitch by stitch I built a sacdsack replica of you
So that little creepy has someone to hold on to
And baby I can't stand to lose you its true
Because each day together I feel brand new

Today is the day
I sail away
But I must say
Thankyou for letting me play

I have not a regret
And with these words you may not forget
In online code it is set
If you want me this is your best bet

I loved you all so very much
But the pain is so strong I can't deal with its touch
Like a rabbit I'll be free from the hutch
The quick way out,drop clutch

Talking to myself reflection in the fridge
I can't make up for what I did
It's like blowing in the didge
Truth from myself I hid

I asked for help.
She wanted to see.
I didn't think she would understand,
But she did.
And she told me I'm stupid,
But we all make mistakes.
She asked why,
I answered because it all gets to much and I can't express myself like a real human being.
I feel like an outsider to the outsiders of the human race.
I'm never truly happy.
She listened so contently without the judgement she had all those years ago.
She held my hand and my arm saying it'll get better.
The patches weren't big enough but it'll make do.
I think she understands and accepts me for what I am now,
But it makes me feel like an awful person.
She is so good to me,
I'm sorry for all the times we stopped talking.
I'm sorry you had to see me like this.
I love you and thank you.

Such is she
The perfect creature
Down to each
Athstetic feature

Nothing she
Is made of true
Would leave the eye
Wanting more from you

I'd like to say a few things
Like how'd you like my new wings
I can tie my shoe strings
And I've had a few flings

Yeah, I met this real nice girl
I think she's my ideal world
For all the times I have hurled
I end up in a state messed,body real furled

But she can make it all good
Lord knows I wish that I could
No idea what I should
So I end up spilling blood

It could be fine,okay
A few words,if I may
Something I have to say
I couldn't leave her,no way

She loves me on a level
More than the devil
In my suffering she doesn't revel
She is something special

A good ship doesn't sink
And bailing water only lasts so long
Fix the hole rather than bailing water

Why can I not sleep?
Why am I turning?
Why are all the trees burning?
Forest fires, crooked liars
Why am I so sullen and drained?

In the bush, it's raining
Lost man on his own
Has anyone thought to save him? (him)

The monkey is waiting in the tree
Counts to three
Hearing the sound of the fume-fuelled wagon
He leaps on the back...
Attack! Attack! Attack! (Attack! Attack!)
No old heathen, not today

The rain falls upon the acidic trees of the millennium scorn
The fire has vanished, leaving behind a trail of death for all to see
The birds & the trees, then you & me
They twitching on the floor
Twitching on the floor
They twitching on the forest floor
The yeti is waiting (The yeti is waiting)
The yeti is waiting for us (The yeti is waiting)
The yeti is waiting to take us into his home
Care for us just like one of his own

Wild bones!
Wild bones!
Wait!

The yeti no longer has a home
The trees are gone & nothing has grown
A table, a chair, an internet nightmare
When will the forest speak?
When all is dried up and way too weak

Wait for nightfall, it's so beautiful out here
Up high in a wave of oxygen love I sit
Up high on this glorified cement postcard I spit
I spit
I spit upon thee

Wait for your red skies
Wait for the red skies
Do you know how it feels to be alive?
Do you know how it feels to be alive?
Let me know, let me know how you feel...
When will the forest speak?
When the trees are dried up and way too weak?

Wasting a life on calculations
Not enough money for operations
Waste of life, statistics, plastic soldiers
Sound of sticks rubbing together
All the people gather
All the people gather

Wait for the man, he must have a plan
Show me and make me a smile I can wear
Me & you we can make up too
No use for hate if you're wearing my shoes

Be happy, be sad, be a wild rotten lamb
Don't bother me now, I'm drenched to the bone

A sound of a truck and an axe and a fall
Of a tree and a knife and a planet so small
Sick to the bone of your dour heart of stone. (stone stone stone)
Sick to the bone of your dour heart of stone!
Let me know how you feel...

Let me know how you feel
You say it's too hot so you can take off your top
A clank of a slot machine coins
Machine coins bled unclean

A beaten old lizard staggers over the road
A hand and a heart, the lake in the park
The candle won't light and the fire won't spark

I'm worn and I'm torn but I still carry on
I'm worn and I'm torn but I still carry on
The money is angry, the money has taken the...

Watching mayhem leaping from truck to truck
This is where he rejoins his friends
They feast, they drink, they talk about
How things used to be...

I still can't sleep
I still can't sleep
I still can't sleep

A million minds and a million voices
A million thoughts, and only one choice
The need to find peace

You said good day
I said,um why?
As I exhaled
You went off to get high

I don't know what is right
Or what I want to be
Don't know how long I can fight
I just want you to want me

But I'll take the hits
Left feeling monrose
Intertwined lovers split
will they break?no one knows

Hold on to the moment
Like a sailor and the wreck
You're not an opponent
We could still be on the deck

But as the ship sinks
And the sailors drown too
We drank a few drinks
And said goodbye to you

Claw out my guts
With veratious flare
Good intention cuts
Lost to nightmare

Free the negativity
Sergical prowess
What does it seem to be
More than generic stress

The battle rages on
War in my mind
Sense seems gone
Paranoia defined

Fear the shadow creatures
Because they talk back
Disjointed movement and features
Terror,suspence,then they attack