Be careful when you use the term "my mate"
As you could be left in an irate mind state
Time to take control of my fate
Easy enough to cut off,so why wait?!

You can say that I'm a wasteman
But I don't work a 40 hour week just to get a spray tan
Get out my face fam
Before I bust you in the grill and break your ******* ray bans

I'll sabotage myself,
Still no better for mental health.
When demons hunt with stealth,
Pain to them like wealth.

You see sorrow is a currency,
According to heartless greed.
I'm being milked of some currently,
So inner demons does it feed.

Some people wanna try to take it all
Make sure they step back or bust 'em in the ******* jaw
Sorry to bring it to you real raw
I just can't stand to see my friends broken anymore

Do I leave early?
Do I leave late?
Do I hide in my head?
Do I tempt fate?

Am I really scared?
Am I just anxious?
Am I alive?
When nobody thanks us.

When they say they'll be there
Like you were for them
That feeling is rare
Unless I'm in REM

When all of my friends
All follow their words
I wake up,it ends
Like flight for the birds

They take off so fast
Like a stone has been thrown
And like a rock it hits
"I am on my own."

I woke up with you asleep on my legs
I cried because it would never happen again
You were there for me through all of my friends
But I knew the strength you'd never regain

I wanted you to live forever
Even if it was just me and you,regret id never
You were the comfort blanket to my heart
Yeah,the laws of nature we ripped apart

Every time you looked into my eyes
And when I think of it a piece of me dies
Because without a voice you could tell no lies
You showed me a zen path,though young so wise

I think you're the best friend I ever had
And I'm sorry I feel so bad
But we had to stop the suffering,we saw the hurt
We'll still think of you once you're in the eart'

You were so wonderful wild and free
The only thing until this point of you moving on was me
I looked at you and I could plainly see
That this is just the way it has to be

I'm sick of all the wanting, waiting
Of this life,its frustrating
Thoughts of death,self masticating
Emotions I shall be castrating

Have no form of self worth
To myself I am furth
Where is choice to unbirth?
Leave behind wretched earth

Mail order T's & C's
Describe perfectly how I feel
The parameters have been breached
But I still value you as a customer
Please come in
We want your service
Even though you steal moments from our shop
Like cheap sweets and magazines
But we are real,we are here
So hear,our call to you
We love you,oh valid and wounderous custom of love
And we wouldn't trade you
For anyone
So,please please please
Love me enough that this isn't real
So much,that my eyes lie and my brain is numb
That I'm living in the shadow of hope and now fear
So much,that you could be honest and take the stolen golds out your clothes place them on the side and say sorry
I didn't want to watch the CCTV back just to see you steal what I've worked so hard for
Just for you to say "*******" and walk out the door
Like so many that came and went before
Because I'll sit and wait
Forgive,self hate
Because we love you in our store
Even if you steal

She leads her loyal dog up the path
She tells him "I love you"
She makes him so happy
He would never betray her
He only sees love
He wants all his remaining days with her
But she is made unhappy by him
Even though happiness comes from within
He does everything he can to make her happy
He doesn't ask for anything but to be held and spoken to like he matters
He stays away as much as possible
He takes himself for walks
He refuses to show heartbreak when she tells him she doesn't want him
He brings her gifts and trys his best every day
But it wasn't enough
She assures him,"its for the best"
She loads two bullets into her gun
And shoots him
Once in the head
So he cannot think
And again in the heart
So he cannot feel
He isn't dead
But she leaves him for dead
Blood pouring from the wounds
Tears falling from his eyes
All he wanted was love and happiness
Instead he was discarded like an unwanted toy
His love was his downfall
His trust now destroyed
He howls but she won't come back

He dies alone

The man stands staring at his reflection atop a body of water,
Picking,poking trying to change what he thinks he aught't.
He leans in closer and closer still,
Vanity desperate to get its fill.
For a moment time stops and he falls in,
Drowning in vanity he cannot win.
Masses of proverbial fluid fill each lung,
At this moment he realises what he's done.
He thought more about self and less about others,
Learn from him,take the time to be with sisters and brothers.
When you have gone to where you cannot return,
Know it didn't matter how you saw yourself but how others saw you & it'll burn.

You have no idea,
How much it ******* hurt.
Breaking me I understand,
But our son?you treat like dirt.
You pass him off,
Like he never mattered.
Don't you know his emotions,
will end up raw and scattered?!
How can you do that,
To a one year old kid.
I'm the one to blame,
There's nothing that he did.
People like you,
Are the reason I can't trust.
The things you say you love,
Worth as much as dust.
U want to know why,
I do the things I do?
Because I'm terrified,
That everyone is like you.
You prey on the weak,
With sociopathic pride.
At least I can admit my flaws,
Because I don't need to hide.
I hope our lad grows up,
To see that I love him.
The only resemblance to you?
Athsetic in the skin.
There's no such thing as perfect,
Nor will there ever be.
But you'd come pretty close my dear,
Swinging from a tree.
I couldn't let you do it though,
I will tell you why.
Loss of parent bad or good,
Would make him want to die.
He'll always need his mother,
And see the good in you.
So straighten up and pull it out,
Give him something to look up to.

Jesus came to fulfill the law
When you came it was to fill a *****

All that power & still died for your sin
You turn a blind eye to the guaranteed win

Love thy God and love thy neighbour
Not do as thou will and wicked behaviour

You may turn your back but he's there and hasn't fogotten
He wants all the sinners and the downtrodden

Where sin abounds Gods love abounds further still
There no force known to man that's stronger than his will

Know that this walk comes with persecution and pain
But also glory everlasting outside a time frame

Deep and tearing,throbbing feeling
That wrenches at my every being
Paranoias grasp and visions seeing
But no sound will I be freeing

Hold it in and act fine
Pretend I am yours and you are mine
Just have another glass of wine
In silence I will sit and pine

When I bury my heart,
I'll bury it with a mountain of gold,
In the hopes you would dig it up.

What use is there in having more than I can spend,
When I haven't got the one I want to spend it on?

I have achieved everything I could dream of in my career and I have made it my life,
At the cost of my wife,my child,my friends.

When digging holes becomes too much,
Then I'll drink everything I earn,trying to drown out this nagging feeling that I've lost everything,
Buying the cheap way out,the fast way out.

I would sell all but one of my days on earth just to spend that one with you,
But that's not what you want,I'm not what you want.

I'm so tired of not sleeping,of not eating,
Of creating this beautiful art day in and day out,
Changing people's lives covering scars,
Helping them feel good in their bodies,
But never sharing my accomplishments with you has made me numb to the happiness I bring.

When I said forever,
I meant it,
With every fiber of my being I meant it,
I just didn't realise that 'forever' would be me waiting for you until I drown in the poison from a bottle or by the memories left behind.

I was graced with life
But always longed for death
I strove a strained for strife
Waiting with baited breath

I had the world in the palm of my hand
All I could ever want
But it slips through like grains of sand
Because my darkness loves to flaunt

I give my all with honest intent
Knowing its never easy
The pain is always inward meant
And I'll **** myself if need be

For all that I have done
And all I'll ever do
Know that I'm the self destructive man
And I never meant to hurt you

The shadow that I am,blending seamlessly  into a black pit.
It is dark,more so than any home I have dwelled in before.
This time I will not fear,but instead embrace the crushing knowledge that I am more comfortable in misery than I ever was in happiness.
Misery leaves one with the knowing there is nothing to lose.
I am free.

I press this imaginary gun to my temple
And pray to any gods that can hear
"Please calm the storm of my mind"
The sea I sail so violent and choppy
I could capsize at any moment
Without warning
Drowning on the thoughts
"I need air!"
That one still moment
As I breath in the water
And sink
In a sailors grave
So deep that I do not know which way is up
The darkness consuming my soul
A thousand imaginary creatures
Stripping the flesh from my bones
Just to be reanimated
Brought back from death
To suffer the same fate each day

We set out into a raging storm
On an adventure that would leave me torn

We walked a while in rain and gale
But we walked fast enough not to fail
We stopped at shops to get a few tins
As we moved quick enough to get extra mins
On to the station there after
Your shoes were soaked but still on train was laughter
We reached the city for which we were aiming
Bath Spa if you'd like it naming
Direction to hotel we had no clue
Google maps I'd like to thank you
We journeyed through the city centre
Until the old streets did we enter
Shops with furniture covered in dust
Is desolate shop in that place a must?
I remember you wanted to find £2 shoes
But you couldn't find them so to Morrison's to buy some *****
Then we carried on the hotel trek
It was long,what the heck
But we got there after a good while
I thought it'd only be about a mile
We booked in and entered room
You made coffee and *** to lighten the gloom
We ate shusi and drank some more
Then we ******,the headboard was poor
We stuffed a pillow between it and wall
After all who want the people next door to call
We did it harder and faster like we never had
And for he first time no tears which wasn't bad
We felt more in love than we had before
Had a shower with an open door
A few quick lines and we headed out
A good time to be had no doubt
There were cut outs of kanye and Kim
A dingy bar with lights real dim
We had some shots and got used to the place
Then on dancefloor a dude grabbed you waist and kissed your face
You told me a bloke grabbed your *** at the bar
I already knew this had gone too far
When they open the bottom door
My jaw was going to hit the floor
You were grinding with other guys
I could hardly believe my eyes
Then a guy kissed you on the lips
By now my heart was full of rips
In the end you wanted to leave
I agreed as I wear my heart on sleeve
We got a little way from club
You collapsed in front of pub
I carried you all the way back
I could not wait to hit the sack
You convulsed eyes rolled back in head
I prayed you'd not end up dead
I knew then someone had slipped something in you drink
For your life I had to think
I held you in the shower temperature regulated
Begging you to stay with me while I self hated
But it seemed to work
And I sat there thinking the guy who did this is a ****
I cried and cried and asked God "why?"
I couldn't bare to see you die
I stayed up watching you until you woke
When you did,no memory...no ******* joke
When you asked what occurred
No recall of anything referred
We washed again,then homeward bound
I was so upset but didn't make a sound
I spent that day without saying much
To this memory i'd rather not clutch
I should have taken better care of her
I wish I could forget it,have no memory just a blur

From the sadness blast an eruption
Of self destruction
Pulse quickens,hands tremble
Logic begins to disassemble
Reflection resembles a wild dog starving
I begin carving

Deeper
Deeper

Bring me the reaper
Drag me out of this misery and plant me in a grave
Free me from the ******* to emotion,I'm a slave
Fiery whips of self hatred across my back
Mind screaming

Attack
Attack
Attack

Until it fades to black
And I wake up from this being
And constant visions seeing
Nowhere to run always fleeing

Drink
Cut
Drink
Cut

But I don't die
Leaving myself a ****** drunken mess
Serving only as a warning to others
That this is the wrong path

"help"* I silently scream
As I drift into a nightmare
"what happened to the dream?"
*"It was right there"

Bounce,pounce, race,wild
Think,drink,smile,child
Move quick,think slow
What's this?you know
Eat,hurt,joy,pain
Grow,learn,thought,brain
Give,grace,feel,f­ree
Retract,remind, slow,me

There is nothing quite so painful
As watching your love leave
Words can be misleading
Your heart it will decieve

Foolishly you will invest
Everything you've got
Then one day they'll up and leave
Feelings in the melting ***

You can try so very hard
To prove that you cannot quit
But if they're set on giving up
It will count for ****

Yes I may be broken
And like wise I'm a fool
Because I gave all I have to give
Used up,dropped like a tool

So what's the sense in tears?
What's the use of pain?
It all amounts to more wasted time
And there's nothing there to gain

Yes I deeply love her
I think I'll always care
But what's the use in saying this?
When she's gone,no longer there

Oh so many sleepless nights
That still have to come to pass
Oh so many poisons
That will knock me on my ***

I couldn't give a ****
Of other fishes in the sea
All I really want in truth
Is for her to come back to me

Just a few moments
One vast change
I could not dodge the bullet
At close range
Just move forward
Begin to rearrange
Now its different
Ain't life strange?

Adjust my sails
To new winds course
Move past fails
As to avoid remorse
New path avails
Become positive force
What has been pales
In new light source

If the world were to crash and burn,
But for one my heart doth yearn.
Through all the sorrow and all the strife,
I want for nothing but my wife.
I practice much yet saved for art,
My true canvas is your heart.
You are the light in my moments,
Your saving grace my attonements.
You see my dear our love is true,
You for me and I for you.

Today's decision is a brutal hang over tomorrow
To escape what's coming wellbeing  I shall borrow

The taste of regret and bad decisions
Surely better that neurotic visions

I'll say I'm feeding alcoholism
When really I'm avoiding egotism

Let's face it I really like to drink
Because when I do I don't think

Maybe my night will get exciting
Unless I just end up fighting

She can cut down morning wood
With a single look
Sorry I mistook
Her for a troll that goes by the book

Normally they live under a bridge
But this one came for the goats out of and open fridge
Angry looks,forehead is more like a ridge
Got abbos trying to ward her off blowing on a didge

Ouch
That's right in what I feel
And its a deal
That you get to walk away with my heart
While I stand back and have to start..
...every day brand new
Heart got a bruise just a few
But its you
That lit me up,burnt me out
I had faith and no doubt

You still chose
To appose
All i had to give
Like water through a shiv
Stabbed clean into my heart
what is art
When covered in blood
That pours over your soul
But youre scotchgarded against me
You see
You are free
I wouldnt wish any other way to be but me

Feeel my pain
Feel my sorrow
Long to not wake up
Tommorow

Try to digest pain and fear
And you know you,baby
Will stand clear

Of what i am
Im a creep
And i hope for one second
You might reap
The feelings ive felt
A sorrow so deep
That you my dear
Lost wool for the sheep

The pounding of my head,only silenced by the pounding of my heart.
I wish it would stop beating,the ache has become so unbearable.
I will still it by any means necessary.
Thoughts race across my mind,I've been left behind.
There is no reprieve.
Gather yourself for the last day,make peace with those I wronged.

"Hush mind hush"

Tears gush.

"What have I done?!"

Thoughts weigh a ton.

"I'm nothing but a shell"

This is hell.

"I'm sorry heart"

I broke us apart.

No amount of food will fill the void
No alcohol will silence my mind
No **** could fix my heart
No cut could could raise my soul
I am the living dead
Wandering through life without aim or purpose
Waiting for the vessel to die as the light inside has

Broke the rule
Lost my cool
Played the fool
Like a tool

He slams his ****
In a proverbial door
What did he do it for?
He's not so sure
He sits and thinks
And drinks
And sinks
The pain
Reaching so deep inside
Because he lied
He promised himself
He wouldn't slam that door
On his ****
What did he do that for?
He's not so sure
Clutching at that
Blood soaked swell
Even ice doesn't help
His hell
All others see and can tell
He shut his own **** in the door

Well done you scummy *******
*******
Better get your throat slit
Defacate on your own ******* happiness
More times than I can count on an abacus
I laugh at you
Tripping over your own ego
But we know
Seeds like you don't grow
Won't go pro,so slow,slowmo
But you know
Chock on the memories
Asphyxiate on those feelings
Lowered ceilings
In the house of the mind
Just to find
you're a death wish
With a checklist
So wreckless
You check us
But not yourself
Man...you're bad for health

I'm a failure
And I lost

Genesis: a childhood of isolation and growth.

Chronicles: adventures,and lovers and friends.lives come and gone.

Psalms: the poetry spoken,written and thought.

Proverbs: the wisdom heard,learnt,taught.

Acts: the history of these things.

Followed by;-

Revelations: that we are not so different from that everlasting living text.

I have
            not yet finished
But the love
                       i have is diminished
Its not
             that I'm giving up
Its that I think
                          I've had enough
Now I'll give
                        only what I get
Which is not a lot
                                on that I'll bet
I require
                what's worth fighting for
Not what leaves
                              me rotting to the core

When you need them and they're not there,
Because they're too busy or just don't care.

Pared off
May as well be like your hair,scwattzkoft
Except that your a toff
And I know,that I have scoffed

Wanna get close to what you are
No matter how close,but you're so far
I'll bang a different jar
Compared to a ton of tar

I like feeling broken
Jus like a token
A **** that's stolen
Yeah