You don't need to reply my text in a ten to make me like you
You don't need to have a perfect skin condition
You don't need a artistically beautiful shaped accent
Nor do you need to sweet talk me into anything
Because you see
The boy who I loved had none of those things
We talked till the sun rose though now if I ever get a text from him
I will be as excited as if there was a solar eclipse occurring
His skin had many pimples but and his hair was another story
But I looked pass those and saw the way the dimples on his cheeks
Rose out and I saw the way his brown eyes lit
They were the most beautiful things I have seen
I no longer know his imperfections because I have fell in love
With every one of them
He never could complete a sentence without stopping to clear his throat
Though now he speaks well and high
But I am still in love with his long pauses
His pimples
His little stupid comments
Maybe now I have learnt
Maybe now things would be better
Maybe love could be better
After all
What is worse than falling in love with the most
Stupid boy

I don't think I can ever really find someone
someone who feels the same about love as me
Loving someone can be reckless
But you should never ever be loving two people at once
NEVER
I don't think the excuse of being drunk or lonely
Makes up for cheating on the one you
loved all so dearly
I have been drunk
I have been lonely
But never have I saw the need to love another person
Because you were the reason why I needed the drink
The little too many cigarettes
The ******* mornings where I can't move an inch out of bed because the thoughts of you were keeping me up all ******* nigh

Because I have seen how it was to have you on the other end of the table
Your hand on mine
I couldn't stop shaking but all of sudden I stopped
You told me to look up and to tell you what was wrong
But how could I while I was being so weak and the reason was you

Well what would I know about the boy who is more afraid of falling in love than staring at death straight in the eye long enough to have his mind read?
Well how would I know how it feels to spend 4 straight days of sleepless nights thinking about the ocean under my ribs waiting to burst because you threw me into the never ending possibilities and told me that it was possible that you could leave at the push of the button?
Well why would I drown my thoughts at 3 am and wash my hair with a little too much of a bottle of alcohol and a little too few blue pills to keep me hallucinating that you were and will always be there by my side?
Why would I keep walking through the same alleyways and tiny streets at the tick of silence when I could walk alongside the old drunkard who lost hope and told me to fix myself before he fixes me?
How do I keep seeing you in everyone I talk, see, smell, feel, but I have never seen it in you?
But how in the world would I know how all that feels when I'm only 14?

I think I have in love enough times t know that love is like a shadow
You never really see it until you shine a light upon that certain someone
And realise that after all those months you have loved him from the start.
I know love enough to have seen it even when there was nothing to illuminate it, to tempt it to reveal itself
I know what love is enough to say that I am beyond terrified to fall in love
I don't want to spend another  20 months not knowing I loved him till he goes and with that silent absence I feel the shadow creeping in
I don't want to fall in love because the only person I have fell in love with is you and look at what I am now

I think one of the first steps to loving someone
Is being able to imagine yourself with them
As cliché as it sounds
It's true
People are only able to imagine themselves happy with the other
But to loving isn't just staying for the happy but to stay for everything
Imagine being sad with him to cradle you in his arms
Imagine being angry with him at your door with takeout
Imagine being jealous as he assures you back and forth you're the only Thing on his mind and he has never planned to let you go
Imagine those 5 am mornings where you cant seem to find a place to Rest and him picking up his phone because he set his phone to the Fullest volume for you as he knew what a hard time it was for you.
Imagine him feeling the same way about love.

I still remember you ever so clearly,
the night you called me and told me you’d never leave me
and that’d you would protect me.
You said you care but you were the same one who left me
and the same one you stripped me of everything I loved.
I cried and cried over something I couldn’t get back anymore.
I longed to feel the same way I did as when I was with you,
you made me feel more alive
than the wounds on my arms and my stomach
and more secure than
when my mother kissed my forehead before I went to bed.