There were the bubbles
that are born when someone
open up a can of coke
but then
I looked at you
and you were crying,
mumbling an excuse,
a "sorry I was really sad too"
a "I don't know why I did that".
But it's always too late,
there is no bubbles now
just the liquid coke, without gas
you know that noboby likes it like that,
and I'm also deaf,
for all your words and sounds
I just watch you, like far far away,
like if I were the bubble
that have not born yet,
and I pray for the can, I want it
to be impossible to open,
because I like the efervescence of the begining
but I'm terrified of the final taste.

I wouldn’t like this.

A class full of uncomfortable individualised strangers.
An over head projector,
prodding, obvious questions,
trying to ascertain the exact purpose or meaning.
The space for ambiguity is closed up like a canon eclipsed by an earthquake.
Highlighter and underlining of a spontaneous experience.
They are trying to make water into concrete.
I just want it be able to bubble and foam and languish
but they want to pin it down.
I would be sad and disgusted if I saw my floaty feelings
pin boarded up onto the wall for dissection
Do not treat my insides in this way

Every time I think of you, I still hold my breath
Not because I am awestruck
But grief stricken.
I never told the world my words,
My silence held me in a darkness that I relished in
The brightness of the truth hurt more than anything I could imagine.

I wish I would have told you,
The language I fought so hard to keep buried,
Wants to come and choke me for concealing it.

Why,
What did I do to you?
Tell me how much I messed up so I can blame myself,
It's easier than blaming you.

You still take my breath away,
You grab my throat and slam me against the ground,
I am purple and blue.
You walk away unscathed and unaffected.
You always told me I looked good in those colors.

You leave me breathless
I have no way to tell you now
I just want you to know how much I loved you.

Friday, 11:00 PM
You said we got to get going
Wait, what? What, wait.
I haven't even started yet

We started walking against my will
As crowds started piling
My throat is drying
But I gotta speak

With weakened knees
I say my feelings
I couldn't even explain
What, why, how, when

You say you don't know
You say you're not sure
Believe me, me too
Take your time to think things through

Saturday morning
I was full of bliss
I've conquered my fear
I was full of cheers

Things stayed the same
No awkwardness to blame
We will remain as friends
I'm fine with that ending

Sunday evening
I started to regret
I shouldn't have said it
I shouldn't have made you think

I thought the truth will set us free
But it only did to me
It caged you to see
Futures with uncertainties

My feelings caused you turmoils
I should've been the only one who suffers
Because I selfishly uttered words
That should've remained gagged in silence

Here is the risk I've taken
Spiting me right in my face
Was it even worth it?
To have you experience unintentional pain

Back to Friday, 11:00 PM,
My throat should've dried up to the extent
That it can't speak
That it won't speak

Take me back to Friday, 11:00 PM
My knees should've been so weak
That I wasn't able to make it to our meeting
And this, wouldn't have happened

Monday, as another weekday starts
We can hear both virtual pens being dragged
To courageously write words that are cowards
'Cause my knees will probably be spineless from this day forward