i remember when i use to tell them “don’t let the door hit you on the way out” as they would carelessly walk out of my life again. these days i’ve grown to hold the door open and watch as they go instead. watching them leave me now is something like driving past a horrible accident and although you don’t want to look, you do anyways. i’ve grown use to these accidents, i’ve grown use to watching each and every one of them crash and burn and leave me with nothing. ive grown use to watching them leave and walk out of my life. so save me and just go. i’ll hold the door open for you.

i started taking pictures of sunsets again. i drew in the sunsets on the days that were cold and grey and i just wanted to stay in bed and cry. i started drinking more water even on the days i felt like i was drowning in the memory of you. because this, this is how i will move on from you. i picked up books and read them and felt my mind travel somewhere new on the days i didn’t want to be in this world anymore because you weren’t in it with me. i smiled and laughed with complete strangers whenever i felt like looking for you in places you’ve never even been.  because in loneliness i’ve found we all have a choice; you had the choice to leave and now i have a choice to be happy. i’m trying i’m trying i’m trying. i’m trying to be happy again. because that is how i will move on from you.

Temporary.
Everything and everyone is only temporary.
They say pain is only temporary.
Give it time.
Weeks, months, years go by but the pain still ******* stays.
It never leaves.
But don’t worry they say, it’s temporary.

They promised you forever as they held you in their arms.
A year goes by and suddenly the word ‘ forever ‘ is replaced with ‘I hate you’s’
Because it was only temporary
New touches. New people.
Clothes on clothes off
But they never stay

Honestly,I don’t know what this word means anymore.

if heaven isn't the color of your eyes i don't want to go

it's hard to walk in your own room these days
because it feels more like a cemetery
a cemetery holding all the different versions of yourself you created
just to try and be good enough
for someone else

i want to kiss you in every body of water i use to wish i was drowning in

i find my self dreaming that i am kissing you
on all the roof tops
i almost jumped off of before