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Today, I dreamt

after 6 months of a tiring spell revoked,

I dreamt.


I didn’t dream about a world with no borders,

or a peaceful state of life where eternal bliss survived,

or a habitat with no insecurities or illness,

but I dreamt of selfish motives where I,

I had no borders to scratch against to breathe (my house).

I had peace of mind with eternal bliss of no insecurities of failing and drowning in the pool of lies (my school),

where I had a normal childhood with no mental illness to survive with.


I dreamt a lovely dream, and I still remember how I woke,

I was in an ICU bleeding red, getting high on morphine, as the doctors helped me breathe

another day, another dream.
I followed the lead,
Of my sinister caretaker
I was taught to serve my greed.
And we lived with men of no stature!

That was when my people, brown
Just free from the clutches of blond folk
We spoiled many men, who wore an unseen crown!
For our avarice grew of their prosperity’s scent.

We hooligans ruled the fear,
Of the humble and the righteous
They knew they lived in no ****** shire.
Our bare sight, rouse them nervous!

We revered no civil code
Vices and hatred our nub,
We belonged to no family, no abode.
No handcuffs strong enough to help curb!

Such was our thing, our cupidity,
To which none dare rise against!
Our victims seldom showed their agility,
For grief we inflict is a poor choice to endure.

The honest fell on my grime feet,
But how long will justice fail to prevail?
My hired judges failed to sow my ‘righteous’ seed,
And I was pushed into the chasm of evil to wail!

My life until death now lay waste,
These insidious walls seldom let me rest!
My wretched soul yearns to run away in haste
The very thought of freedom, a precious zest.

The days at first I numbered for a lost cause.
They made me hope, the very part I often stole,
From the just by virtue of my flaws!
At night I sit waiting for the sun to rise.

Those rays of light seem now as precious gold.
No prison mate was a heart of resort.
As a shoulder to cry upon and hold!
I yearn for a wise consort.

A woman like a mother, I wish.
Though a dream, I least have this liberty,
I feel blessed to have it to relish.
But I remind myself to repent for eternity.

I am reduced to a number,
I dread to now count!
Seldom have I got to be in a deep slumber,
My nightmares bark like a hound.

I stare out of the window,
As repentance flows out of my eyes
A woman came searching for me that fine day
The woman of a just man I once slay!

She didn’t have revenge in her mind
But pity and mercy like the viscous honey!
She bought sweets, I met someone kind!
I felt mortified of having robbed her man.

She claimed to instill goodness in me,
That there would be no disparity amongst us
If she choose to be passive and loathe!
That day after years I felt a bird sang to me of joy.

She preached to me of gods,
Of the same virtue but different form!
I prayed to them, one day a lord,
And soon watching her made my heart race!

For she was the only woman I knew
The only one I fell for,
A forbidden love, I fancy!
Soon she departed to her pristine abode
And with her left an eternal grace!

To this widow I owe my soul,
Her goodness makes me hope.
That I can be righteous and commit no foul
And this was a dream I sowed passion for.

I would stare out of the window
To see the birds soar high.
No mountain stopped their flight,
Nor a tree tempted them to rest.

Then when I heard of death’s call
And that my endowments lay unperformed
Her words proved to be true,
Hope surpasses the depth of every woe.

There lay a little of life to live,
A respite offered for a promise.
And they let me see the world,
All its grandeur, all its bounty!

It seemed nothing like yesterday
For they had taken from me
The chunk I should’ve valued most!
The world had risen in time,
And I was left with none.

But it felt akin to waking up
Like from a deep slumber,
In a place not known to me!
And every priceless breath I now took,
Like the first breath after coma,
The courtesy of the widow!
An ode to all the prisoners around the world who repent.
 Dec 2014 ComplicatedCharmer
Xyns
Get me drunk
Get me high

Watch me laugh
Watch me cry

Help me make mistakes
Help me get through today

I want to mess up
I want to feel alive

I've had a change of heart, you see.
**I no longer want what's good for me.
I'd spent all the money that i don't have
if it made me not tired for an entire day
i'd give up years of my life
to feel good for a while
but if i can never do that
and spent my whole life being weak
i'll still
write awesome stories
 Dec 2014 ComplicatedCharmer
Xyns
If I'm an angel
Strip me of my wings
My halo
And my grace

And fling me down to Hell
Where I will
Rightfully
Take my place
How I feel
As it is understood to myself
I know
I find myself in a moment
That is all mine
No one else at this moment
Feels this
It is only I
No one else is seeing this
From my angle
No one else's heart is beating as mine is
Along with the sound of it
We may all feel a rush
But it is different for all of us
This is mine
I could take centuries to describe it to you
But it would NEVER be right
It will ALWAYS be mine
Frigid
The numbers drop
Like quarters through a slot
The cold is hard
You count the degrees
They tick one by one
Down they fall
Winter's cold scrapes at you
Leaving the grey underneath
That tight pain
A knot in your middle
As you lean into the wind
Walking briskly
Eyes ******* tight
Hands in unforgiving lined pockets
Those days
Where nothing can warm you
A world wind of confusion ,  
caused by fusion of a conclusion ,
of my life, which I cannot explain .

I am a mess , trying to pass this test ,
I confess I am stressed .

He left me , empty .
How could he be so heartless -
when what I offered was kindness .

I guess he didn't care ,
That's not fair but I declare .
That is why I'm emotional.
Dear ex lover .
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