It is not completely destructive
But a deep dulling
I want to ask for help
I want someone to love me
But I cannot speak
I am muted in my pain
Because my pain does not matter

It is not fair that I am happily an ear
For everyone else’s problems
But when I need my nearest and dearest friend
He does not want to talk to me
And I can’t muster up the will to
Talk to anyone else
So I will drown
Or grow some gills to swim

Today I am betrayed
As I wallow in the swill I am swallowing
Swollen eyes partly parted
Grief given to me by those I believed
Were friends
My good job is gone
My best friend is gone
My life is all wrong
And I walk around in
A broken haze

I loved you, beyond the grasp of words.
The paint brush I used to describe you
Was weak and withering
Needed re-configuring
Cause you were boundless

I loved you dangerously
Even when you hurt me
Scars and scabs
Nightmares in history
Bleeding insanity
Across the canvass of time.

I loved you even when you hated me.
The outsider, with ***** ideas
The spoken artist broken heart with this
Dark daring dreams
To help heal all human beings
When you were already so happy
Being subdued by propaganda

I loved your expressions
Your poetry, your sketches
Your philosophy and science
Your rejection of dogmas
When you had the strength
To reject them.

I loved your filth
Desire and rage
Lustful urges
***** thoughts
*******

Even when you beat me down
Like a trailer trash wife
When you reeked of hatred
Stunk of consumerism and racism
I still loved you

Even when I hated you
For breaking my heart
With all the bombs
And violence
When you turned my hopes to ash
When I watched you flash past
And finally come back
From dark ages to enlightenment
And back around again and again
I still loved you

I still love you

Perched perfectly on tumblr and facebook
For everyone to get a good look
At how I felt a month ago
But why wait so long
Because words need trimming
Stanzas need perfecting
Lines need to find their proper place
And that takes time
And in my mind
A thirty day cycle will suffice

My heart is a tomb
Where demons fear to tread
Where angels fear to fly
A catacomb
Where I alone
Exist to exit
Or enter
But always a specter
Yes a sparse spectator
Of the best parts of life

Is it sad that life lacks the poetic flare
But that is only if you are blind
For I find the flare is everywhere
In the chipped white painted cement ***
Were dead plants lay to rot
In the lightly faded red brick buildings
That businesses reside in
But over head in night times
One can see the light shines
And finds a friendly face
Here perhaps those cracked sidewalks
Were children use to jump and say
That is the way we crack our mothers back
The root that saw such sidewalks rise
Slowly pushing out of the earth until
The sidewalks wears a rising crack
And that is only the nonliving things
That catch my fancy
Wait till you see how nature inspires me

It’s a wonderful day to play this tired story
For the witless warring men and women
A musical endeavor but it’s so boring
Singing bits of bad poetry on the stage
Oh no the dull dig this shin dig
Oh no they forgot the quality of art we sought
Oh no I think I Just become a pompous snot
Oh well I’ve lived with stupid people long enough
To know that **** flows better than brilliance

Her words are better spoken
Or see sad spell of desire broken
Reading them does no justice
But feeling them in hearing when
The speaker seeks to fill the air
With all the meaning they can muster
Vibrates me
Shaking loose the inner me to see
Dead emotions retrieved
Sadness reprieved and then restored
As I long for what was lost
As I weep for all who do not speak
With such grand poetic designs
The speaker owns my mind
For mere minutes in eternity
Not my enmity nor my solemnity
But the better passions of me
Desires not the speakers physical form
But the bounty that her spoken words explore

Now it snows
The frost falls
The ground retreats
Beneath a sheet
Of whiteness

Now it rains
The water falls
Soft snow becomes
Mush
And slushes
As I walk outside

Now it is day
The sun
Sees the earth spin
Into its’ light
And the slush
Recedes
And the ground reappears
Until it snows again tonight

Life is the lead of the century
The best role we were born to play
These lines are what we breathe to say
Struggling to live today
Only to die tomorrow
And all that went in
To how we got here
Each struggle
Each generation
That birthed the previous
Stretching all the way back
To the beginning of time
Is the only miracle I need
To feel like I am
Part of something divine

I have to admit
That I absorb
Other peoples ****
And even though
I live to know
Thrive to grow
And show
People the truth
Sometimes
I get stuck to

The little girls are gone
Small town neighbors
Who I used to see
Stranded in flights
Of fantasy
Become mists
And twist away
Into vagaries
Vapors
Tammy
Susan
The girl
Across the road
And the names
Fade
As the days
Slip away
Childhood friends
Disappear
As childhood ends