Hope arrived... limping severely.
The journey had been quite long,
Searching for Something to hold on to.
Hope was weak but would not give up,
There is always hope, no matter how small.
For: ”Hope springs eternal”.

Faith was greatly weakened and vulnerable,
Wounded by the words of discouragement.
Naysayers of the day were chipping away.
Faith needed help to overcome Doubt.
Lurking close by... and closing in....
Keep the Faith Baby!

Love felt lonely and threatened.
In need of some friends to lean on.
The days were long and dreary with
Hate knocking at everyone's door.
Love glimpsed Faith approaching and knew
Hope was not far behind.

Hope, Faith, Love;
Together, they formed a bond and
Began flourishing once again!
Together, they opened the door
of the heart in need of repair.
Together, they rescued a heart,
Filling it to overflowing.

Love began to grow and  blossom,
Bringing Light to the darkened heart.
Hope, walking tall and standing straight,
Began to breath  deep again.
Faith leaped forward with renewed vigor
to guard the Heart's door
The Three Musketeers... together...
Unstoppable...  Conquer the world.

I lost the most important
Pieces of my life
In a one year span

Mom's sickness was eating
Her alive
I could see it draining
The life out of her
She lost the sparkle in her eyes
Her skin attached itself
To her bones
And she couldn't hold on
Any longer
Her death was like a shock
That spun me around
And I lost it
When I lost her

Father, I barely knew
I didn't cry on 10.10.09
I couldn't
I watched as his coffin
Silently buried itself underneath
I watched as they threw dirt
On what was left of him
That auto wreck took him away
It took him away
He left so many flowers
That I somehow resent
Cause he grew them
He grew them, not me

I was left with a woman
Who swore under oath
And to my mother's dying eyes
That she would protect me
Lord, if this is what they call
Protection
Then what has the world come to?

Try waking up in a house
Knowing you are not wanted
So many of my nights
Are spent crying because she
Tears me apart
I am not perfect
But I was Mom's little angel
It would **** her
To say 'you did well'
It would **** her
To ask about my wellbeing

Sometimes when the pressure
Raises it's ugly head
She'd tell me

"I am not your mother
You know where your mother
And father are buried
You'll go and live there!!!"

She reminds me that
I am not and will never be
Good enough for her each time
She gets a chance to
What did I do to her?
What did I do to deserve this?
Why did Mom leave me?

Suicidal thoughts
Are forever present
I've tried it several times
One would save me all times
Once,
I dumped bottles of her
Sleeping pills down my throat
All I could hear was the
Sound of my own faint voice
Chanting

"Wake up you idiot,
Wake up before you sleep
Forever!"

Once,
I slit my wrists to
Drain the blood off my veins
My brother found me
Lying unconscious on the
Bedroom corner and aided me

Once,
I wore black and sat at the road
At midnight
A woman stopped and told me
I had so much to live for
That the future had gifts

Existing, but not living
Breathing air that does nothing
But inflate my lungs
Will anything ever take
The pain away?
This is not life

This has been going on
For 5 years now
Her words are like bullets
That pierce through
My rib cage and rock me
To my core
Inflicting her insanity on me
One would think
She's highly sadistic

I try to hold on,
Really I do
But my faith is in shambles
I struggle to believe
That I have a purpose
And all I'm holding onto
Are tatters of memories
Of what once was

i am made of...
thought...
ink and pen and paper... and so much more.
scribbled phrases on diner napkins.
post it notes stuck to walls.
scrawled doggerel in bathroom pens.
phrased ideology in lined notebooks.
spinnered words on lazerprinted A4.
scraps of inklings, on ripped butcher's bags and wrappings.
condolences in funeral books.
ideas capital lettered on cards,
pinned to cork boards.
epitaphs stonemasoned
into granite blocks.
fury arranged just so,
on parchment.
newsprinted with loose blurry, black ink on broadsheets
scribed by pointed stick on
firm wet sand.
notes on heavy cards, of love
and light bright shiny stuff.
discarded sentence startings, left crumpled, lost in a bin.
loss, written with red wine on white table cloth.
art, etched on vellum anciently old, suprisingly relevent.
tapped into tablets both stone
and techview.
blue and red markers squeaked onto white boards.
daubed on canvas with a fine sable brush.
tatttoo-ed upon ones flesh.
carved into wooden school desks.
pressed into moist clay by delicate fingernails.
marked so deeply upon a soul.
chalked to cement,
to stay for...
but a short season.
written for some very, (un)important reason.
courage to speak, sing, whisper, shout, cry, laugh, observe and ponder.
this is me....
i am a word written down.. any word, any word.
i am undeniable, desirable often incomplete
always open  always waiting
for some one...
......just like you ...
to open your heart let me in
to recognize a new start
to have a play, a scribble,
doodle, pen jive. to become
alive.... to thrive,
just begin with a single letter.....then another,
go on be brave...
..........grant me liberty....

I was standing naked in the bathroom
when my Husband walked in
he only noticed that the mirror was
misted as his daily ritual began
He brushed his teeth slowly, methodically
while his eyes squinted at tiny lines
that branched from each of his eyes
but the golden glow from my skin
beaded with lightly fragrant droplets
of water paled in comparison to the
grey hair he reluctantly noticed as
he skimmed his razor across his chin
The sun didn't shine much that day
but that night when I accidentally
dropped my towel as we passed in
the hallway he lifted his foot to walk
past but then let it fall as he stopped
and slowly bent to pick up the towel
but didn't hand it to me, just kind of
gazed at me with eyes that backed me
back into the bathroom to stand naked
once again, I knew the moment he
smiled, the rain fell to mist and there
was a break in the clouds

Tattered and torn the curtains sway in the wind
The old boards moan and creak, cobwebs with forgotten meals
Images of times long past, with fresh paint and loving care
How beautiful the past, way back when
Now, its pain so evident that it saddens
The old boards still retain potential for greatness
In the cracked and broken windows of the old abandoned house, I see my reflection

leap inside
the unknown
beauty of Love
to become *One

He asked to see my words
Joy in unexpected interest
But to share a glimpse inside the emptiness
The truth I've hidden for years
The fact that my feelings lay bare in ink
Though no longer reside in my soul

He asked to see my words
Answers to unasked questions
The truth of my daily struggle
The demons dancing within
The reason my heart is dessicated
The shame of my reality

He asked to see my words
To learn I do not trust
To see the dark prevail
So different from what I show
Frightened to lose someone else
Someone I dared to pretend to love

He asked to see my words
Hidden within is truth
The fact I try to no avail
That I only betray myself
To risk a loss of one so dear
There will be no recovery from nonacceptance

He asked to see my words

There's a friend--
Why JUST a friend?
BeCause  she said.

There's a girL--
Why JUST a girl?
Because i said.

You're just A boy.
That...
I won't deny

Who do yoU want?
i don't know.

Who shoulD you want?
That's too easy.

"Pick a Side"
"mIx em"

Well, there's
a challenge
a chase
an obsession
...It's fleeing
Or, Am I?

Sometimes he let his eyes rest on hers, it needn't have been painful,
but it strangely was.
He broke a lifetime of avoiding eye contact to show her.
She was worth overcoming obstacles for.

The black sky turns navy, turns blue
It is tomorrow
Today is yesterday
Yet it does not feel in the past
Still fresh, it lingers
It taints the morning with its unanswered questions
With its thoughts weighing heavily in the air
It is hard to breathe
Barely notice the rising sun
Roosters crow in the distance
Cold permeates the room
Seeping through the walls,
Like a ghost of Christmas
Chilled and Aged
Not as fine as wine
More than sour grapes
May the heavy head be cleared with the fog

the story of her life
is such that it has no real beginning
a child thrown into adulthood
still treated like a child
abandoned and reclaimed
altered and unnoticed
The words were never spoken
no one ever asked
decades pass and they forget
she carries the nightmares, alone
it is time that it unfolds for all
time for the ugly to be shared
and room to be made for better things
now that it is time, there is no telling
there is no tale
beginning where, as a child
at the tragedy, after the pain?
it must be told,
it is her story
but the words won't come

Behind those eyes of blue-gray-green
Lies a heart of which is seldom seen
Though hard for some to realize
There's a world of pain behind said eyes
From drama of torn childhood
From doing bad but being good
To grown up tears of discontent
From words once spoken but never meant
And now with empty bottles past
With clarity one hopes will last
Can be seen a glimpse of inner peace
Of eager joy which begs release
Though years of numbness linger still
Denying freedom to laugh at will
A perfectly polished yesteryear
Cradles everything the heart holds dear
The memories of warmth and fun
Tarnish easily out in the sun
When walking backwards leads you blind
One can never leave the past behind
The farther away the better it seems
Even the nightmares look like a dream
Now, when walking heel to toe
Facing the way you want to go
The road's less bumpy for the ride
Obstacles faced with longer strides
The light behind those eyes still burns
As chapters end and pages turn
The book continues day by day
Joy slowly rises come what may
Living is what makes us strong
To do what's right when we've been wronged
And though that pain may never die
There's no place left for it to hide
It's worn dull by loves embrace
Displaced, in time, with joy and grace
And then those eyes of blue-gray-green
Will sparkle new with brighter sheen
For a heart that's swelled to greater size
Will be foretold behind those eyes