It is hard to say father;
the thought of you stumbles through me when I see
a Gerber baby food jar or a wooden pop crate.
Once you came to mind when I saw a Polish flag
on TV; that is humorous because
the only Pole I know is a pale man at the gym
whose left eye is shaped like a rotten pear.
Do you still burn your fingers when you
fall asleep smoking in a recliner?  I hope
you still do not trim your fingernails while
sitting on the toilet stool; that seems so un-American.
Today is your eighty-fourth birthday;
I hope wherever you are you do not think of me.

splintered night,
the thorn tree
of stars,
all falling.

hours
of broken glass.

the jagged edges which gashed
his bare feet on the trash trove of shore by his trailer
slashed the folds of his memory as well

he chooses to tell no tales of that
hungry, motherless time--sharp years when he prayed
his dad would be passed out when he got home

and he usually was, there
on the cat **** sofa, splayed out like some beached whale
while he scavenged for food, and old pop bottles

a lifetime now from those foul filled days
he is a continent away, yet living on the shore,
with a fat portfolio and thin wife

who both protect him from "intrusive thoughts,"
though still he hunts for treasures on the sands, not
the nickel returns that bought his daily bread

instead, he seeks more ancient relics, glass
made smooth by the round chisel of time--soft, cool, full of color,
with no recollection of the fire that forged it

Get that hate off your heart and get me off your mind
No longer your concern so lets move on with time

Cuz there's No time to go backwards, we tried this before
You made it all clear that the real you is sore

Your ego had shown and your prides on the floor
But you took so **** long, now your prize out the door
...
Im not trying to boost but you could have lived lavishly
Cuz no matter our bank account, no matter what tragedy
We kept our heads up, and your soul was so attached to me
But that one last night i had you, you had did me savagely

And i accept that, matter fact i respect that
I told you to stand up for yourself and helped you grow, U can't neglect that

But when your fam ask what happened, do you tell them all the truth,
tell me what words did you really use to reflect that?

Tell me what words did you use to help you think that
What you said was how u felt cuz if u think back

Just one day before, we walked out by the shore all in love but i guess you didnt sink that

I guess you pick and choose what you want to marinate
But thank god, cuz this really could have been a later date
We were three years deep in and i let it sink in
That with you i could never see my heart break

But that broken heart and shade that you threw was never worth it

And im not playing innocent, i threw shade, i got my word in

But that really does nothing
So can we please stop the bluffin
Cuz the both of us knows we dont deserve it

The both of us cant really bare the burning
The hate in us cant stand to feel us hurting

i've read about it in books,
but would not like to tell about it in my life story.
it's something you cringe at,
but when you're staring at a TV screen.
this is real life,
how can i pretend?
smile my sweetest smile,
and talk my sweetest talk.
but when is it okay to stop?
to yell, to cry, to pound your fists.
bite your cheek, they always say.
but i can taste the blood,
and i need to get it out.

I want to lie down with you
I want to die too
I don't want to fight in this world without you by my side
I'll I can do is cry

I try to hold the agony within
So no one else can see, so it won't offend
So they won't worry, so they don't know
Just how badly with you I want to go

But tiny agonizing whimpers escape between my lips
I don't know how much longer I can  man this woeful ship
There is a hurricane in my ocean
Turbulent thoughts plunder my emotions

I can feel the sinking
I can not stop the thinking
(I should of left and followed you that same date)
(if I leave this earth now, can I catch you, or am I to late)

All I can do now is sing my woeful cry
Cuss at that unseen entity in the sky
My insides ******* in the tightest knots
Minds in a spin and so are my thoughts

Send me a message,  send me a sign
Let me in one of my note books find
Where you once wrote "love you ***"  
Should I pick up, or put down the gun
Your death was a shock unplanned
Does that mean I have to stay here and stand

Does that mean I can't intentionally follow
That I'll have to stay in this lonely abyss and wallow
You use to guide me back
When my world got to black
I was always there for you also
Now your death I must swallow

I'm feeling mighty hollow
I don't want to face an empty tomorrow
I know you're telling me to stay
But you was my light that lit my darkness and turned it gray
Now you went on without me, your so far away

My world now an ominous black
Weight of the world on my back
I want to lay it all down
Walk out into the woods and never be found

as stopped as the silence after
a crash, you work through
the snow, the pines serious

and watching, you stumble disjointed,
unhealed. The clockwork slows
and suffers the pain of cold water,

for your eyes are shaded in
the ice-light, blue and unforgiving
as the wind gets harsher

My Country Tis of Thee,
Sweet land of liberty-
Or so we sing.

Land where my fathers died-
But my forefathers died in a battle
Trying to keep their slaves;
My fathers killed your fathers
For trying to run away;
My fathers **** your fathers
Cause it's late at  night, and
He's reaching for his gun-no, wait,
His ID?

Land of the pilgrim's pride-
But so often we leave out of history
How if it weren't for a Native American,
The pilgrims would've died.

From every mountainside-
Like Stone Mountain in Georgia,
Where Rebel Generals are memorialized,
Where the **** was revived-
God, help me, I can't hear freedom's ring;
I can only hear white-washed history.

From every mountainside-
But these days, the mountain is in my chest,
And liberty's ring sounds a lot different,
And a lot of folks don't like it.

Let freedom ring-
And I want to fight for freedom for all-
#BlackLivesMatter-
I want to help-
HANDS UP, DON'T SHOOT!
But-
I
Can't
Breathe.

Let freedom ring!-
But peaceful protests turn into
Bloodbaths as those who have sworn
To serve and protect are sniped down.

Let freedom ring!-
I try to educate myself
On the side of history not taught-
I've always felt that Nat Turner was the bad guy,
But these days I'm questioning it.
I read "The Meaning of Fourth of July for the *****"
by Frederick Douglass
And I read "Bury Me in a Free Land"
by Frances Ellen Watkins Harper
and I read "Sympathy"
by Paul Laurence Dunbar
and I read "Letters from Birmingham Jail",
"The Mountaintop Speech", and
"I Have a Dream"  
by Dr. King.

When I was younger,
I'd research Dr. King & his colleagues
For fun.
I'd  wonder, "If I lived in the Civil Rights era,
What would I have done?"

But when I turned seventeen,
I realized, "I live in a Civil Rights era;
What am I going to do?

of eyes so sore, a storm has come
where calm may truly rest
where flashes burn and trails all turn
the trials into tests

the sun was dark, the clouds had fade
my prayers into dust
then shadows turn, and memories change
all sorrow into lust

O how days have grown, like space and time
the distance between us
a force so strong that pushed and pulled
the tides between our trust

the haunting image of you and i
still so far from above
whose shades are not of black nor white
the Spectre of Our Love.