The worst part about it is I'm still not even 100% certain that this dream will not come to fruition

And it scares me to think that every time it starts to breech the horizon I still wonder if I will see the light of dawn...

Don't expect a call this year

Or the next one or even the one that follows...

I'm hanging up

My phone is disconnected


(and I am too)


Good riddance

Sometimes...

I don't know where I am

                                                             ­                                       Sometimes...

I laugh until I cry and then laugh some more

 Sometimes...

I wonder when or if I will find new direction

                                                      ­                                                 Sometimes...

I help out a complete stranger for no good reason at all
                                                             ­                                 
Sometimes...

I contemplate how much I value my own life
 
                                                         ­                                             Sometimes...

I make someone else's day significantly better
                                                      ­      
Sometimes...

I don't feel the light inside of myself

                                                         ­                                           Sometimes...

I day dream for what seems like hours on end with absolutely no consequence what so ever
                                                            ­                                  
Sometimes...

I forget important things easily and as a result don't always follow through with what I say and what I do...
                                                           ­                                  Sometimes...

I arrive in the nick of time to save the day
                                                           ­                                 
Sometimes...

I don't show up to somebody's final event and as a result miss the opportunity entirely
                                                        ­                                     Sometimes...

I reach out to people who need it

                                                             ­                               
Sometimes...


I let myself go






But no matter how the time weathers my bones I MUST NOT allow this sickness to entomb my vessel. I was born FREE--a child of the earth and sun. I take flight upon the crest of the dawn and fade ethereally with the passing of dusk.




                                              Sometimes...­








**I Float Away

Pining romantically for tragedy, my frustration paints a full colour  portrait of guilt and spite and shame...

Looking directly at me...

This snide look all over his face and just the shambles of an unfinished sentence barely even audible saying

Well, what can I say? Sorrow just suits you better...

Steady the relation between us

For now...

But what of then and now?

When my loss and salvation lie in hand

A pendulums swing from collision

Speeding up as we approach impact

Preemptive...

Too eager to just let me go

I fear upon my flight's return roost's sanctuary will house me no longer

I will fly away, pausing restlessly...

Wonder is all I am

Until again we feed

*Will I ever be free?

With eyes wide open the world spins lucidly out of control  
  
Moving faster and faster, the Earth is growing...  
  
White blonde hair whipped passed her face would seem so far away  
  
Like a forgotten lover's name it is so surreal...  
  
Ideas of flight abstractly toying with the corners of her mind  
  
Her wings are pressed flat...  
  
A final escape from a dream which you could never wake  
  
This is her ecstasy.  
  
Her final curtain...  
  
Perhaps it would seem odd that her last thoughts would be of her mother  
  
So soft and warm...  
  
They never did agree on anything...  
  
Perhaps in another life they could finally see eye to eye but there would be no such luck this time around...  
  
Her head tossed in a backwards roll  
  
The last ten or fifteen feet seemed to disintegrate away...  
  
A dream's sad ending could never be so uplifting  
  
She opened her eyes for the last time to find her dream had given way to the real  
  
She had been set free  
  
...and had finally embraced the unknown

While this is happening you will be my secret
Until this is finished nobody will hear you crying out
And unless I let you go then the moon will fall


You must know I do this for you...

Clawing at the eyes that must see
Feel this release around you.
Intimate... Soothing... Embrace...


I need this


Empowering me, I become weightless in it's magnificence and soon I may float away
To watch from below
Knowing exactly what has to happen...


and dreading the day they call upon my return

She's right there... --My friend I mean

She doesn't have much to say but I can hear you now

Grey innocents in lieu of child-hearted tragedy...

I'm sorry.

I never knew you had made these plans for me now

Could you find it in your heart to condemn your love for me?

Just this once?

Fading white I feel we may never stray past this point...

As though when I turn the page the story you had tried to show me will be lost

Alas...

What have I now but a passing traveller's blessing??

Running down... Behind the curtain and onto the floor. Coming in from the cold and into the shimmering light...

She's beautiful isn't she?

With an outstretched hand taking mine in your own

This soothing embrace is cooling me, bringing me down -- Taking me in

I never meant to hurt you this way

Can you ever forgive these black thoughts of mine??

Pulling away I must disband these beliefs I had once held sacred

I must cast them aside!

Moving forward.  To grow.    Be free.

...Or just float away

I feel somehow that they have mislabelled you

Perhaps just penned you in the wrong ink...

I'm not sure

It seems when I try to describe you, the idea goes sailing away and never anchors home

Slippery one might say...

As the man crawling out from beneath the wreckage of a rolled-over vehicle, slathered face to shins, in blood and *****

And the words that had beckoned to him
Now thoroughly lost...

Nothing more then a few gruelling moments in agony before it was just a memory and a phrase that didn't quite seem to fit...

Unreal. What did that word even mean?

It felt insulting.

As though the momentary terror that had consumed your reality was nothing more then a passing storm -- No more then a ghost or a Flying Dutchman...

But could the same not be said for it all?

Is any of this really what we came here for?

The choice alone is too much for me not to waste it and I fear if I leave it for too long that the choice will inevitably make itself...

But perhaps maybe that in turn is the choice

--The freedom to be or not...